Jurassic World: Fallen Franchise, more like.

When the island’s dormant volcano begins roaring to life, Owen (Chris Pratt) and Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) mount a campaign to rescue the remaining dinosaurs from this extinction-level event.

Okay, I wasn’t the biggest fan of Jurassic World BUT at least that was enjoyable.

Any entry after Jurassic Park was always going to suffer that inevitable scrutiny and comparison from yours truly BUT Trevorrow and co really have run out of steam.

Fallen Kingdom almost felt like a direct retread of The Lost World: Jurassic Park. Throw in a fiery volcano, a dozen more unmemorable stocky characters and we’re pretty much there.

The frantic, action packed and (I’ll admit) exhilarating first half felt more like the ending of a film than the beginning of one. For a moment, I thought I had walked in halfway through!

The special effects were (of course) impressive to boot and the volcano stampede sequence was relentless. BUT at times, it was too chaotic with the CGI meshing into one blurry palette. And in one instance, comical. Don’t even get me started on Owen’s inebriated lava escape.

Run, Forrest, Run!

The environmental commentary was perfectly executed in an unexpected and touching scene; that broke up the calamitous mayhem as the crew watched helplessly as a brontosaurus was engulfed in a pool of lava. 

The main issue for me with FK (along with the incredibly wafer thin plot line) was the characters.

Dallas Howard infuriated. Justice Smith’s shrieking tech nerd annoyed the hell out of me. Daniella Pineda’s dino-vet was laughable. Dispensing sarcasm at the medical treatment of the dinosaurs, despite never actually working on one.

Too picky? Maybe. If the film had more about it, I wouldn’t have had time to pick at the little things. I mean, it is a blockbuster sequel about dinosaurs, what should I have expected? Apparently too much.

Despite Rafe Spall and Toby Jones’ best efforts, they were nothing more than generic corporate types with the same old dull, predictable and underwhelming profit-making schemes; oh look! Another mutant hybrid dinosaur. Ah, cloning again. Greaattttt.

Thankfully, the main redeeming feature of the JW entries was Owen and Blu’s relationship.

The saving grace?

That dynamic still delivered with some genuinely moving moments as the handler did everything to save his friend (Yes, I know she’s a CGI’d raptor!). The glue that loosely kept this messy offering together. 

I just wish more time was spent on that dynamic than Maisie Lockwood’s (frankly unnecessary) subplot.

For all my griping, it still killed the time, the effects and creatures were superb BUT it stumbled every time their Neanderthal counterparts got involved. I really feel that this franchise is very much on the way to extinction. 

The park is gone. And so is my interest.