STAR TREK BEYOND 3D REVIEW

Star Trek be-yawwwnnneed.

The USS Enterprise crew explores the furthest reaches of uncharted space, where they encounter a new ruthless enemy (Ol’ Luther – I mean, Idris Elba) who puts them and everything the Federation stands for to the test.

I’m NOT the biggest Trekkie BUT I have really enjoyed the Abram reboots. Shaking up the cast, reworking the old story lines and tweaking the dynamic.

A breath of fresh air among the barrage of reboots, remakes and endless (and unnecessary) sequels. BUT it was always going to be a tough act to follow Into Darkness.

A new outing that didn’t rely on past plots. My confidence was restored when I discovered that Beyond was penned by an avid Trekkie (Simon ‘Shaun of the Dead’ Pegg!). A man who relished the dream role of playing Montgomery ‘Scotty’ Scott made famous by James Doohan.

BUT this time around, I felt this lacklustre sequel only just delivered a watchable actioner. From the director of Fast and Furious, I knew I could expect big explosions AND good set pieces.

BUT it was a case of either being too fast and furious with the action or drawn out and repetitious with barely any exploration of the characters. Even the laughs were few and far between.

The opening act didn’t really give me much hope with the crew acting as intermediaries between some silly CGI dog things. Yikes. It seemed to go through the motions with Pine’s Kirk going through yet another existential crisis as he questioned his purpose on the Enterprise.

Quinto’s Spock received some grave news which made the normally unfeeling extraterrestrial contemplate life and death. I just wished it wasn’t so tedious and uninteresting.

That’s NOT to say there weren’t moments to be had. The special effects were impressive. BUT that was only when you could actually see the set pieces. There were several scenes where I actually struggled to see a majority of the action.

I could see the Phaser rays blasting through the darkness BUT only just gather that it was Kirk and Chekhov sliding down a spaceship hanging off a cliff. Ridiculous.

The 3D was a waste of time. It didn’t bring anything to the experience. When the Enterprise was attacked by Krall’s death ships, it was a sight to behold BUT after 15 minutes of explosions and carnage, I found myself fidgeting.

I liked the dynamic between Spock and Bones as the pair were reluctantly put together. Karl Urban (Dredd) was the main scene stealer and kept things light when the pace drudged along.

Once Big Ears got over his nihilistic sulk, he was back on fine form. The banter between the duo was a much needed tonic; “You gave your girlfriend radioactive jewellery”.

The rest of the crew was a mixed bag. The late Anton Yelchin had quite a big involvement in the mix as he aided Kirk in the battle against Krall’s goons. His presence will be missed. Although rumours suggest that Abrams may try and do what they did with Walker in the Fast and Furious franchise.

Pegg’s muddled Scot accent really grated against me. And I was disappointed that his little green pal Wee Man (“Get down from there!”) was left on the sidelines.

There wasn’t any depth to the characters. Bar Dr Zulu’s sexuality. Hardly a revelation and thrown in without any exploration. Shame.

There might have even been a bad continuity error with the length of their journey to the age of Zulu’s child (For those who watched it – Did you notice this?).

Saldana’s Uhura was reduced to being Krall’s prisoner for the majority of the movie. If anything, her absence wasn’t missed. Disappointing, to say the least.

Sofia Boutella (Kingsman: The Secret Service) was the best character in the piece as the feisty Jayla. I wanted to know about her origins and why she was the only alien to evade Krall’s capture.

However it wasn’t long before she was pushed into the background for more mindless exposition. Only to be brought back for the frantic finale.

More could have made out of her. A missed opportunity.

Idris Elba did his best with the creepy Krall. The make up was brilliant. He really looked the part BUT Luther’s lines and delivery made him too comical for my liking. You try listening to him with that silly voice pronouncing Captain Kirk. Good lord.

He couldn’t match Cumberbatch’s tenacity or Bana’s bad-assery and was quite a tame villain by comparison. A twist about Krall could have been so much more BUT by the end, I couldn’t care less.

Captain’s Log; Beyond was a bit of a misfire for me. It tried to deliver a bit of everything and failed on all fronts.

A watchable effort that killed the time BUT I think Scotty better beam up a better script for the next endeavour.

2.5/5

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*NEW* HITMAN: AGENT 47 REVIEW *NEW*

Hitman-Agent-47-International-Poster

Hit and miss.

The iconic video game assassin gets a second chance on the silver screen. BUT should they have even bothered?

An assassin (Rupert Friend) teams up with a woman (Hannah Ware) to help her find her father (Ciaran Hinds) and uncover the mysteries of her ancestry.

Unfortunately, it really does sound as dull as you think. There are only so many explosions and relentless CGI injected action sequences you can throw in to hide what was a tepid shoot em up.

After his stellar turn as Quinn in Homeland, Friend takes on the big screen and the iconic video game assassin. It’s fine to have the look but his stone cold pallor and dead pan delivery really did justice to the character. Shame, he didn’t have better lines.

The first twenty minutes zipped along with an ultra-brief but highly watchable overview of the hitman’s origins. Something that bugged me from the original feature. I don’t know why it would be such a problem to see the agent start out from the beginning.

Instead we had a disjointed and uninteresting back story involving one of his targets. Hannah Ware played the feisty Katiya well and was certainly a lot less irritating than Kurylenko in the original. BUT the more we delved into her past, the more plot holes there were. However by the end, I hardly had any interest left to care.

What didn’t help was that after a quick chat with some random and highly unmemorable character, Katiya would suddenly remember some completely unrelated event in the past that didn’t even involve her. It was either that or she would spout statistics like a pleb. It just didn’t work. It was a shame as Ware and Friend weren’t a bad pairing.

The fist fight and shoot em sequences were entertaining enough and subdued my griping when they arrived. BUT the car chases and finale were overlong and hampered by incredibly poor CGI. A sequence in which 47 tests Katiya’s abilities by strapping her to a jet engine (Yup. That sort of movie) was terrible. And the helicopter skyscraper showdown was just awful to look at.

It was just about watchable like its predecessor BUT seemed to suffer from virtually the same flaws. The dreadfully OTT score. The incredibly dark tone that took itself far too seriously for its own good.

It seemed to realise that after the hour marker and desperately tried to inject some much needed humour. There were a few one liners that lightened up all the brooding and endless staring intp space. In one scene, our bald bad ass is perusing a safe house location. Checking the closets.

“Looking for guns?”, asks the clueless Katiya.

Without a bat of an eye, our hero simply replies, “No. Moths. They’re attracted to the Italian wool”.

Unexpected BUT it got a guilty smile out of me. Pity, it was a case of too little, too late.

Ciaran Hinds was completely wasted in his role as Katiya’s father. He did his best with the hammy dialogue. BUT his character was so weak and cliched that he was fighting a losing battle from the get go.

Zachary Quinto played an incredibly bland villain. His double crossing was so predictable. You could time when he was going to strike. He only really got to unleash his inner Sylar in the closing minutes. Again, too little, too late.

The writers tried to pull off a Terminator vibe with 47’s machine like persona. He feels no pain, love and he will absolutely will not stop. Tragically, it didn’t quite come off but the nod to Leon was a nice little touch. Keeping his guns by his side as he slept.

I was impressed to see a few traits of the video games seep into this. The camera invasion stealth sequence reminded me so much of Hitman 2 (The only game of that franchise that I actually played and failed miserably at).

It was tough not to draw comparisons to the first feature. And that wasn’t perfect by any means. The only saving grace was Timothy Olyphant. Friend may have provided a different take but it felt like both actors’ interpretations were put in the wrong movies.

The far fetched stupidity of the plot made some of the sillier aspects of the video game franchise seem more believable. It is so wrong to actually steal the plots of the games and adapt them? Oh wait, no. That would make sense.

Third time’s the charm? Somehow I don’t think there will be. Another video game adaptation misfire to add to the pile.

Two stars. One for the two leads and one for the action sequences that did spike my interest.

2/5