*NEW* THE COBBLER REVIEW *NEW*

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What a load of cobblers. And that’s coming from a Sandler fan. Just when I thought he couldn’t sink any lower.

A cobbler (Adam Sandler), bored of his every-day life, stumbles upon a magical heirloom that allows him to become other people and see the world in a different way.

I have to agree with the fan who said that this was terrible. Even for a Sandler movie. Too many ideas. Failure to pick a tone and poor execution makes this one messy movie.

A dull and highly unfunny opener did nothing to get things going. It took a good 20 minutes before Sandler’s mopey shoe cobbler found the magical ‘stitcher’ that would put him on his journey to . . . God only knows what?

A film that grossed only $24,000 dollars at the US box office? You could blame poor distribution. BUT this was pretty bad.

Laughable for all the wrong reasons. I watched it to the end so it wasn’t as horrific as people made out. I was hardly pent up with rage or proclaiming the death of the film industry. So by that analogy . . .

The concept was intriguing on paper. To walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. BUT how could it go so wrong? It took too long to get to the shoe swapping and when it finally did, they really shouldn’t have bothered.

A scene that should have been an endearing moment between Max (Sandler) and his mother (Lynn Cohen – Hunger Games: Catching Fire) came off a little awkward, to say the least. Transforming into his father and taking her on one last “date”. Yikes. A little cringe-inducing. I could see what they were trying to do BUT the cuddling and closeness was just weird.

The same could be said for when he transformed into Downton Abbey’s Dan Stevens. Close to pulling his girlfriend in the shower until he realised he had to keep the shoes on. The moral implications if Max had succeeded would have made this a different film altogether.

The only supporting character that stood out was Method Man as the typecast street thug. That really isn’t saying much. Steve Buscemi did his best with the role of the buddy barber next door BUT it was such a weak character. A revelation about him in the closing act came as no surprise. Or interest, for that matter.

With all the possible gags and directions this could have gone down, it still failed to reach any level of expectation. Sandler changes into a transsexual, a dead decaying customer and an overweight kid. Trust me, I’m making it sound better than it sounds (Or not). A hammy and uninteresting subplot with Melonie Diaz’s (Be Kind Rewind) protester brought nothing to the mix.

And when the shoe swapping and face changing finally got going, it was done so badly and clumsily. In a ploy to stop Ellen Barkin’s dreadful Russian Mafiosi disposing of unwanted tenants for property development, I struggled to keep up with who was who BUT most importantly by the end, I didn’t really care.

Dustin Hoffman delivered more charm and charisma in his highly unnecessary and disappointing cameo than Sandler did in the whole film. The last act showed a little of what I had expected from the get go. BUT alas, it was NOT to be.

Sandler’s works were never going to win plaudits BUT were generally easy going and funny affairs. His latest offerings have been lazy, sloppy and dreadful. Ironic that he picks a project penned by somebody else and it’s even worse.

A couple of chuckles and an intriguing premise. BUT a mish mesh of ideas with NO tone, direction or gags, well . . .  Sandler better put his best foot forward and move on from this mess. God have mercy on the writer’s soles.

1.5/5

*NEW* SCOUTS GUIDE TO THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE REVIEW *NEW*

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Stupid, OTT, juvenile and absolutely hilarious!

Three scouts, on the eve of their last camp-out, discover the true meaning of friendship when they attempt to save their town from a zombie outbreak.

You knew what you were getting yourself into from the crazy opening sequence with Blake Anderson’s janitor (Workaholics) singing away to Iggy Azealia’s Black Widow while a zombie outbreak was brewing in a lab.

It was a brave move to have a virtually unknown cast running the show BUT the lads certainly delivered and will be ones to watch for the future. The feeble story line was a little predictable and formulaic. The camp fire shenanigans and petty squabbling about high school and quitting scouts was a little boring. BUT once the undead entered the mix, things got going and I was sniggering to the end.

The pace zipped and there were some genuine laugh out loud moments. A scene involving a zombie and a trampoline delivered an unexpected and outrageous gag. This was very much in the crazy style of Zombieland BUT the best way to sum up Scout’s Guide would be “If American Pie was a zombie flick . . .”

A group of horny teens trying to save the day. It was exactly what you could expect. Logan Miller’s quest for the perfect apocalyptic selfie with a pornstar looking police officer. A casual Britney Spears sing song with a zombie. A dodgy gum job from Cloris Leachman’s (Young Frankenstein) zombie neighbour. Yup. That sort of movie.

Tye Sheridan and Halston Sage’s (Paper Towns) love subplot was weak. If anything, I thought his character was going to hook up with Dumont’s sexy tomboy stripper (Sorry, cocktail waitress). So there was one surprise. Dumont may have stole my heart (What?) BUT Joey Morgan was definitely the main scene stealer as the over enthusiastic Augie.

The gore was brilliant and used quite inventively. Especially in the stripper club slaughter scene. Miller’s Carter using a bottle to smash in a zombie’s skull, only for the blood to pour out of the bottle neck and spill all over his face.

A blood-fuelled rave sequence delivered carnage a-plenty and a fitting homage to Peter Jackson’s cult classic Braindead. The nerdy saviors kitted out with an arsenal of weaponry; paintball guns, golf clubs, lawn strimmers! Perfect.

The biggest star that I could clock in this mad little zom com was Anchorman’s David Koechner. He certainly delivered as the deluded scout leader with a strange obsession for Dolly Parton. It was just a shame that he was reduced to only a few scenes.

It may have been in the same vein as Zombieland BUT it fell short by comparison. It was never going to match my favourite zom rom-com Shaun of the Dead BUT it certainly didn’t deserve the low Metacritic rating and panning that it has received.

Funny, mental, if a little flawed and predictable BUT fun. I think this one was unlucky to get lost in the SPECTRE and Hunger Games buzz. Shame. Definitely worth a watch for a quick laugh.

3/5

*NEW* THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY PART TWO REVIEW *NEW*

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The relentless bestselling blockbuster franchise comes to a close. Did it fly high or flop like a turkey?

As the war of Panem escalates to the destruction of other districts by the Capitol, Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence), the reluctant leader of the rebellion, must bring together an army against President Snow (Donald Sutherland), while all she holds dear hangs in the balance.

And now it comes to an end. A billion dollar franchise that spawned more bestselling adaptations than I could take and launched the career of one of Hollywood’s top leading actresses. Was it all worth it? After four films with one being split into two parts, did it conclude to my liking?

To an extent, it did. A mixed bag would be the best phrase to sum up my thoughts. A little disappointing after all that promise and build up. Now, I will admit straight off the bat. Like I normally do. I have never read the books BUT speaking with fans, they have generally been impressed with the adaptations.

I have enjoyed the movies. The first installment reminded me of a Twilight take on Battle Royale which worked a lot better than I expected with a stellar turn from that girl from Winter’s Bone. The pace was always a killer for me. BUT there was always something that made me want to see the next one. A twist, a revelation. And now here I am. Desperately seeking the finale to a franchise I never expected to enjoy.

Now, hardly a shocker BUT Part Two follows straight on from Part One with Katniss recovering from a vicious attack from Peeta (Josh Hutcherson). The opening was dreadfully slow but did just enough to keep me subdued as Everdeen watches from the sidelines. The war on the Districts pushing for more aggressive action.

Things did take a slightly more interesting turn as Katniss began to question the agenda of the movement and Coin’s motives (Julianne Moore). Forcing her to make a drastic decision. To go it alone and seek out Snow.

Once the decision was made and the hour marker hit, the film took things up a notch. It was fast paced, tense and gripping. Everything I expected from a finale. The sewer chase was exhilarating stuff as the gang battled demented white zombie creatures. BUT of course, Katniss was not alone.

Who on Earth in their right mind would bring along a brainwashed Peeta? Hutcherson did a great job as the traumatized fighter. His failure to grasp reality and continuous questioning was interesting to start with. BUT the endless “Real/Not Real” quid pro quo with Katniss soon dragged and annoyed the hell out of me.

But then there wouldn’t be any drama, would there? With a more infuriating love triangle than Lost, things come to an ugly head as Katniss is torn between the loyal Gale (Liam Hemsworth) and the volatile Peeta. It was good to see Hemsworth have a chance to step up after being in the background for the majority of the films.

My main issue with Mockingjay Part Two was that it seemed to suffer from the same problems that the final Harry Potters did. It skimmed past too many characters’ back stories and then quickly threw said characters back into the mix for one last hurrah. Jena Malone and Sam Claflin finally reappeared and made more of an impression this time around. To be honest, I had almost forgot about them after Catching Fire.

Woody Harrelson, Elizabeth Banks and Stanley Tucci were virtually absent in this one. Tucci was merely a passing cameo and Banks only reappeared to say farewell. Not even Haymitch’s advice was that memorable or entertaining. Merely regurgitating what we already knew. He literally just disappeared into the background. Shame.

The media or PR team led by Natalie Dormer added absolutely nothing to it at all. If anything, it made me question the relevance of them altogether by the end.

However, it wasn’t all bad. Jennifer Lawrence was superb yet again. The film took a much darker turn than I expected and there were a few shockers in the closing half hour. BUT what didn’t help matters was that we didn’t see half of them. It was merely implied or reported back to us by some extra. Infuriating after all the build up that things were happening off screen.

It killed off a good portion of the tension. There were still some touching moments BUT it came off a little flat and disjointed. I wish there was more of a showdown between Snow and Katniss. I really loved their fractious relationship and their final confrontation was certainly not to be missed BUT somehow despite some revelations, it just didn’t quite satisfy me as much as I thought.

It was also quite sad to see someone else taking a final bow. It may have been some time since his passing but it was a fine performance from Philip Seymour Hoffman as Plutarch. I’m not sure how much of his performance was altered to complete the movie BUT it didn’t spoil the character one bit.

I really do think it will come down to how much of a Hunger Games fan you are. As the credits rolled, a majority of the audience applauded. Guess what part of the audience, I was in. It was certainly watchable and there were some tense and brilliantly acted moments. It is tough to please everyone when wrapping up a series BUT for all the build up and insufferable Part 1 and Part 2, I was a little disappointed and left wanting.

Close BUT no cigar.

3/5

*NEW* WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS REVIEW *NEW*

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WE ARE NOT IMPRESSED.

Going down in history with the worst opening weekend for a major Hollywood film on wide release, this dull DJ affair was surprisingly watchable BUT enjoyable? Well . . .

Caught between a forbidden romance and the expectations of his friends, aspiring DJ Cole Carter (Zac Efron) attempts to find the path in life that leads to fame and fortune.

A mixed bag. Patchy, uneven and uninteresting. I could feel my eyes closing by the hour marker. I really hoped for an American indie take on Human Traffic. Here’s a quick reminder.

Any excuse for a Human Traffic reference. Anyway, I hoped for a belting soundtrack, a good cast and a good story. Well . . . The music was kinda good.

I fear for Efron. Is this the only role the guy can get? The troubled good looking guy spiel is wearing thin. Don’t get me wrong, he has just enough charisma to keep the lead likeable BUT he needs a game changer. And unfortunately this wasn’t.

It doesn’t help that we’ve seen this story before. And so much better. Jonny Weston (Project Almanac) was incredibly irritating as Cole’s best friend, Mason. While the rest of the gang were unlikeable or unmemorable. Shiloh Fernandez’s Ollie was too bland and too much of a drip to care about. Alex Shaffer’s Squirrel wasn’t really brought into the mix until the final minutes. A waste of time.

I’m sure that was supposed to be the point as Cole tries to break away from this hum drum lifestyle. BUT it was hard to enjoy the lads’ “shenanigans” when they were doing your nut in. I say shenanigans. Pulling birds and popping pills.

The dig from Cole about EDM was interesting. All you need is a laptop. Some knowledge of DJ software and one ground breaking track apparently. I’m sure it was meant to be a statement on the saturation of EDM but it kind of takes a stab at people who buy the music. Me.

The tracks that Efron and Bentley’s characters regarded as bilge were actually quite good. Here’s an example. Something to jazz it up a bit.

Too jazzy? Moving on. What made me laugh was that their “authentic” ground breaking tracks were absolute tosh. Apparently authentic is the sound of a coin spinning on a table and Efron’s housemate shooting nails through the roof. Brilliant :/

I did like the downbeat tone and warped corporate angle. It was just a shame that it was never really used to its full potential. The dark underbelly of the American dream was perfectly demonstrated with Jon Bernthal’s sleazy realtor. A tense scene in which we watch the snake at work had potential BUT it never really went anywhere. Merely a turning point for the hapless DJ.

The alluring Emily Ratajkowski (Gone Girl) was nice to look at. BUT her acting? Her acting wasn’t actually that bad.

It just didn’t help that her character had the depth of an attractive looking cardboard cut out. She certainly had good chemistry with Efron which made their inevitable romance that little more bearable.

I think the only actor who might come out of this mess unscathed is Wes Bentley (The Hunger Games). He was fantastic as the washed up alcoholic DJ. He brought the much needed tension or drama that each scene desperately needed. Living proof that fame has a price.

BUT the tone was all over the place. A visually eye catching piece of animation may not have sent the right message about taking drugs. I liked the existential crisis that Cole was going through. Is there more to life than a 9 to 5? BUT it came off far too pretentious for it’s own good. Especially when he wanted to make loads of money from just making one track. Talk about work ethic.

The zippy graphics and visuals were interesting in the opening sequence BUT they soon overstayed their welcome. The animated segment about bass and getting people’s heartbeats to the right level of “synchronicity” (Yup) was ridiculous and laughable.

It didn’t help that when everything finally kicked off. Bar one unexpected scene (No spoilers), it was all pretty flat and predictable. Bernthal’s realtor was never revisited or resolved. The pace stuttered along. And after all that monotonous build up, the film delivered a cliched and abrupt finale.

Dull and disappointing.

2/5