*NEW* THE MUMMY REVIEW *NEW*

Oh Mumma, the horror, the horror!

Bring back Brendan Fraser!

An ancient Egyptian princess (Sofia Boutella) is awakened from her crypt beneath the desert, bringing with her malevolence grown over millennia, and terrors that defy human comprehension.

Okay, it wasn’t that bad BUT it wasn’t that great either.

To be honest, the opening act didn’t mess about. It quickly set up the premise. Flicked back and forth from one ridiculous explosive set piece to another. Cruise’s cocky Indiana Jones just about got away with it. I mean, fair play to the 55 year old for still throwing himself about and jumping across rooftops.

I really hoped Cruise and Jake Johnson’s (New Girl) pairing would have worked better. Johnson’s incessant yelling did my head in. Especially in the frenetic opening Iraq shoot em up sequence.

I just wanted him to shut up. Thankfully his swift exit was a pleasant relief.

No scarab beetles?! No Omid Djalili screaming like a banshee? (What?) Camel spiders and rats? Really? Meh.

The tone was all over the place. Too stupid to be funny and NOT dark enough to be a real horror.

The 1999 Stephen Sommers blockbuster and The Mummy Returns were perfectly balanced. They played the right level of cheese, humour (John Hannah, come on!) and let’s not forget that tongue in cheek horror.

The less we say about Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, the better. Let’s not forget there was a reason why the franchise got rebooted in the first place.

The problem with this reboot was that I couldn’t stop making comparisons to the Fraser flick. On paper, swapping the dynamic around (Making the Mummy female) and modernizing it actually had potential BUT it failed to offer anything new.

Arnold Vosloo was a sinister presence. A creepy adversary (And no, let’s not mention the horrifically CGI’d Scorpion King).

Ugh.

Boutella did her best with the role BUT her lines were dull and she spent too much time in the background.

Annabelle Wallis (Peaky Blinders) was far too serious and annoying for her own good. Rachel Weisz (my first screen crush. Don’t know why I thought I’d share that) was irritating but had her charm.

Plus it helped that there was actual chemistry between her and Fraser. No matter how nauseating it got in the Mummy Returns (Fans, am I right?)

There was zero chemistry between Cruise and Wallis. Replacing smouldering tension and friction with playground insults and more yelling.

Ben Seresin’s cinematography was fantastic to look at. The visual effects were impressive BUT not memorable. It was going to be tough to top Imhotep’s smiling face in the sandstorm.

Still haunts me . . . Moving on . . .

There were some good points (Really?). The make-up and effects were impressive. The creepy zombie soldiers and their Dementor style death kiss was a nice touch. Soul kissing the life out of people in the background while Cruise and Wallis continued to bicker and highlight enormous plot holes.

Johnson worked at lot better when he popped up in Nick’s (Cruise) subconscious. The bathroom encounter had a creepy American Werewolf in London vibe to it.

Cruise’s comical crusty corpse church punch up had me in stitches. BUT it just didn’t quite have the fun of O’Connell’s crypt chase.

Despite the vacuum sized plot holes (Seriously who brings a hostile ancient evil right to the very thing she is seeking. Face palm. Duh!), the writers really missed an opportunity with Russell Crowe.

He lapped it up as Jekyll. He lifted every scene with the right level of flamboyance. The exact thing needed to keep a silly monster movie like this entertaining.

And he was only in it for 15 minutes. Sigh. Even if his Hyde impression was a little Ray Winstone incarnate with some messy panda eyes. Seriously, let’s make him Crowe look evil. Smear some runny mascara over his face. That’ll do it. Did they run out of money?

Normally you can bank on Cruise to deliver a big popcorn movie. And he makes this mess watchable. He was just lucky that Alex Kurtzmann threw enough chaotic smash em grab em to hide what a mess this really was. BUT I didn’t expect too much and I’ve seen a lot worse for the ratings this film has received.

A mess BUT a watchable one. At least. Fraser fans may be left fuming BUT if you want a frantic time filler with enough bang for your buck, it won’t do any harm. Just don’t expect too much.

2.5/5

*NEW* THE BEST AND WORST FILMS OF 2016 REVIEW *NEW*

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First thing’s first, HAPPY NEW YEAR! A BIG THANK YOU (Look, it’s in CAPITALS) for all the views, likes and comments. You guys are alright.

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION? See more movies obviously.

Nah. Try and read more of your awesome posts!

December was a poor month for my movie viewing. Work and blah blah blah didn’t give me much time so I have yet to see Rogue One. I know, SACRILEGE. Call yourself a film critic.

I like to be awkward when picking movies. My criteria is simple. Picking 10 films I saw in 2016. So there may be a couple that you may argue are technically speaking 2015. In the words of Donnie Brasco, forget about it.

I look for films that surprised, entertained and engaged me. There have been so many films that have put me to sleep or have had me on my phone already complaining about said film before it’s even finished (Pretty much my criteria for worst films).

I picked the films that made an impression or made me laugh, cry or think. I’ve provided links for my reviews if you want a complete breakdown of my thoughts.

 

MY TOP 10 FILMS OF 2016

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It’s great when you go into a cinema expecting nothing and get rewarded with a gritty slow burning and well acted Texan noir thriller.

https://youtheman77.wordpress.com/2016/09/24/new-hell-or-high-water-review-new/

 

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Vikander and Fassbender brought their fiery chemistry to ignite this wonderfully heart rending affair.

https://youtheman77.wordpress.com/2016/11/07/new-the-light-be…ceans-review-new/

 

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Strange, hypnotic, gripping. After all the hype, I was afraid this wouldn’t deliver. BUT oh boy, did it!

https://youtheman77.wordpress.com/2016/11/30/new-nocturnal-animals-review-new/

 

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So good that I haven’t done a review yet. I’m working on it. The Return of the King (Ba-dum-tsssh). Mortensen was superb as the father devoted to raising his six kids in the wilderness. Easygoing feel good drama.

 

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Probably one of the best Marvel movies going!

https://youtheman77.wordpress.com/2016/10/12/new-captain-amer…l-war-review-new/

 

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QT is back with a tense and ultra-violent Western. It’s everything you could expect from the Pulp Fiction director and I loved every minute.

https://youtheman77.wordpress.com/2016/02/05/new-the-hateful-eight-review-new/

 

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Larson deserved the Oscar for her stellar performance.

https://youtheman77.wordpress.com/2016/02/01/new-room-review-new-2/

 

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Hard hitting, shocking and brilliantly acted. A must watch.

https://youtheman77.wordpress.com/2016/05/02/new-spotlight-review-new/

 

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Crowe, Gosling, Black. You can’t go wrong. My review might be a little picky BUT I had the pleasure of watching this again and enjoyed it so much more.

https://youtheman77.wordpress.com/2016/09/11/new-the-nice-guys-review-new/

 

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I was torn between this and Bridget Jones’s Baby (I know. Whaaattt?! It was actually pretty good) BUT I went for the HP spin-off. Redmayne was brilliant and Rowling was able to expand on the ever-growing world that has entertained me for the last decade.

https://youtheman77.wordpress.com/2016/12/17/new-fantastic-be…em-3d-review-new/

 

MY TOP 10 WORST FILMS OF 2016

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Absolutely bloody dreadful. Jennifer Saunders sold out with this shambolic effort. A review will turn up eventually. BUT trust me, it’s bad. And I was a fan.

 

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As much as I love Natalie Dormer, I did not love her in this.

https://youtheman77.wordpress.com/2016/04/12/new-the-forest-review-new/

 

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That creepy atmosphere couldn’t hide what was a drawn out and mind numbing disappointment. Review to follow.

 

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This unnecessary reboot was doomed from the start!

https://youtheman77.wordpress.com/2016/03/29/new-dads-army-review-new/

 

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I remember rushing to the cinema wondering why it was only on for 4 days. I soon find out the answer. Yikes!

https://youtheman77.wordpress.com/2016/01/30/new-the-5th-wave-review-new/

 

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The anger. I’m sure I used a fair amount of expletives on Twitter to express my feelings on this feeble effort.

https://youtheman77.wordpress.com/2016/08/15/new-now-you-see-me-2-review-new/

 

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The horror, the horror! I hated the first one and for the first 20 minutes of this, I was almost about to eat my own words BUT then it got worse.

 

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I was so excited to see this and by the end, I wondered why they brought him back. It must have been for the money because it wasn’t for the plot and character development. Bourne seemed to know less than he did before. I think I fell asleep at one point. Shame.

https://youtheman77.wordpress.com/2016/08/26/new-jason-bourne-review-new/

 

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As much as I loved watching Lily James kicking zombie ass in a corset, the tone was all over the place. It failed to be scary or funny and was dreadfully dull. So dull it put me off reviewing the thing.

Well, that’s my excuse anyway.

 

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A shame that this is going to be one of Anton Yelchin’s last efforts. This failed to grab me even with Captain Picard playing a Neo-Nazi.

https://youtheman77.wordpress.com/2016/09/14/new-green-room-review-new/

 

And so concludes my mini-review of 2016. I have to say that I was a little disappointed with the entries this year.

Disappointing comic book yarns (*Cough* Batman Vs Superman *Cough* Suicide Squad *Cough*)

The reboots, the remakes (Point Break), the unnecessary sequels (The Mechanic: Resurrection).

Let’s hope 2017 will bring us a little more joy and originality, eh?

 

*NEW* THE NICE GUYS REVIEW *NEW*

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Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, this ain’t.

A mismatched pair of private eyes (Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe) investigate the apparent suicide of a porn star in 1970s Los Angeles.

From the mad opening sequence of a pornstar crashing her car into a family home, I knew what I was getting myself into. One mad ride.

Writer/director Shane Black is back with a new noir thriller and a dysfunctional duo in Crowe and Gosling as the private eyes who unwittingly get involved in the same case.

Crowe was brilliant was the no holds barred ‘punch first ask questions later’ Jackson Healey. I wasn’t sure if I was going to like his character after his macho introduction. Black’s lines didn’t really fly out at me like Kiss Kiss BUT there were still a few jewels: “Marriage is buying a house for somebody you hate. Remember that”.

Crowe playing yet another hard man. Here we go. BUT once he crossed paths with the equally mental Holland March, I knew we were in for a treat.

The pair had great chemistry and worked well off each other. Gosling stole the show. After seeing him in so many super serious dramas; Drive, The Place Beyond the Pines and Only God Forgives (God forgive whoever made that movie), it made a change to see him play such an idiot.

He was hilarious and made the fumbling fool look effortless. Cutting up his hand trying to break into an office. Dropping his gun on numerous occasions. The guy literally falls into trouble. A running gag with the drunk detective falling everywhere had me in stitches.

Despite all the tomfoolery, March and Healey were perfect noir protagonists. Healey, the man with a grudge. Out to right wrongs. No matter the cost. March, a man on the edge seeking solace in the bottom of a bottle after losing his wife. We introduced to the guy fulled dressed in the bath. A tattoo on his right hand saying; “You will never be happy”.

The first 45 minutes was fantastic. It was mad, quick witted and confusing as hell. Everything I expected from Black. It ticked all the boxes.

Keith David (The Thing) and Beau Knapp (Southpaw) were great as the appropriately titled Older Guy and Blue Face. Two murky underlings hot on the pair’s track to find the only witness to the crazy case.

The introduction of Angourie Rice as March’s daughter Holly gave March an extra depth and showed a softer side to Healey. However, she soon overstayed her welcome and took a good portion of the attention (and gags) away from the pair.

Her ‘moral compass’ viewpoint and busybody detective solving got on my nerves and killed a lot of the fun for me. And that was the problem, a heavy middle act got bogged down by too many serious moments and a befuddling plot.

Margaret Qualley (The Leftovers) was dreadfully irritating as Amelia. The running gag of her (Well, running away) got on my nerves. Her constant reappearances throughout the film really tested my patience. I’m sure that was the point BUT it didn’t leave me smiling.

Matt Bomer (Magic Mike) was heavily underused as the merciless hitman. A change of role BUT anyone could have played him. Kim Basinger (L.A. Confidential) was also wasted in her role as the shady Chief Justice. She may be looking good at 62 BUT her character was pushed in the background too much. Just another generic corrupt politician. Shame.

“Okay, that explains basically nothing” – The plot, despite all its intentional contrivances, was actually quite predictable and a little flat after all the mystery.

The lumbering pace and the snappy one liners lost their zing. BUT thankfully, a frantic and fiery final act restored it back on track.

It was tough NOT to draw comparisons with Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. An underrated and heavily recommended watch. BUT this was still good fun and definitely a breath of fresh air after the feeble efforts I’ve slogged through.

Despite my grumbles, I still enjoyed it. Thanks to the crazy coupling of Crowe and Gosling.

3/5

I will leave you with one of my favourite scenes and the best movie line I’ve heard in a while.

 

THE WATER DIVINER REVIEW

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A simply divine debut from Russell Crowe.

Engaging, heartfelt and definitely one of the better films I’ve seen.

So what’s it about, mate? An Australian man (Russell Crowe) travels to Turkey after the Battle of Gallipoli to try and locate his three missing sons.

Not the best title for a movie. And I could hear a few people asking, “Why is it called that?”

Russell Crowe plays Connor, a farmer who has a gift for finding water.

Through a series of flashbacks, we delve into his background as he fights the bureaucracy and red tape to find his three missing sons who never returned from the horrors of Gallipoli.

An impressive debut from a talented actor. I had high hopes and the film certainly delivered the majority of them.

The cinematography was fantastic. Not bad for a directing debut if you can get Andrew (Lord of The Rings) Lesnie on board.

The beaches of Gallipoli and the Turkish mosques were captured beautifully.

The pace was perfect. I was engrossed and switched on for the 112 minute length. All helped by a great cast, great acting and a good story.

Jai Courtney added a sincerity to the role of Lt Colonel Cyril Hughes. It made for a refreshing change from the endless hard man roles he seems to do these days. It was good to see him actually act. Even with a bad moustache.

Olga Kurylenko (Quantum of Solace/Oblivion) was very good. I may have a little screen crush on her but she played the vulnerable widow well.

There was good chemistry between her and Crowe which made their inevitable pairing a little more endearing and watchable.

Dan Wyllie was very good as the snobby bureaucrat that was Captain Charles Brindley. Forever a thorn in Connor’s side.

An all too familiar and painfully accurate representation of the British influence on the Ottoman Empire.

His rant about the significance of a soldier’s death really hit home.

Yilmaz Erdogan was superb as Major Hassan. I don’t know how much of the film was dramatized BUT I couldn’t believe how this man still wanted to help Connor after his treatment by the ANZAC soldiers.

His answer; “He was the only father who came looking”. Remarkable.

I could feel my loyalties divided as we watch Hassan see his country being torn apart. The figures about the loss of life on both sides were shocking.

Cem Yilmaz and Erdogan also made a memorable pairing as the Turkish captives. It was great to see them as fully rounded characters and not just as one dimensional representations of “The Enemy”.

Dylan Georgiades managed to do something that not a lot of child actors do and that is to not annoy the hell out of me. A charming performance.

In between Crowe’s challenging ordeal to honour a promise, we follow Kurylenko as she must fight against the binds of reputation and family. Defiant to accept her husband’s death by the community and ignoring the advances of her polygamous brother-in-law to re-marry.

To be honest, I would have been happy to see Kurylenko’s subplot fleshed out a little more but it certainly got the point across.

The battle sequences were hardly groundbreaking but they still captured the brutality of it all and made for some heartbreaking viewing.

Russell Crowe was (to be expected) fantastic. A charismatic lead that delivers yet again.

However, it’s not all perfect.

Isabel Lucas’ (Transformers) character was a little unnecessary. Apart from being the local prostitute staying in the hotel, she didn’t do much else or contribute anything to the story. A wasted character if I’m honest.

The flashbacks were key and added to the story. However, I found the heavy use of CGI spoiled a riveting sequence in which Connor saves his boys from a sandstorm.

Luckily, the endearing relationship between Crowe and the boys managed to reprieve the terrible special effects.

There was also a scene in which a secret rendezvous at a Turkish bath with Connor, Cemal and Major Hassan came off unintentionally comical. The celebratory song and dance number was a little too cheesy for my liking.

Some may also argue that Connor’s sixth sense is a little hammy and farfetched. There isn’t any explanation into how Connor can find water or why he has the recurring dream sequences in which he can see his son alive.

It’s not that sort of film and sometimes you just have to believe and hope. A parental instinct is a bond in itself that goes beyond explanation. I didn’t let that spoil the film for me. If anything, it added an extra depth.

As the film came to a close, there were some revelations along the way. However, I don’t want to tell you too much about the story. Some moments were predictable but they still hit home and made for a teary eyed finale.

It’s not without its imperfections BUT it surprised me that considering this film was a commemoration of a battle 100 years ago, relationships between Greece and Turkey are still rocky as hell.

I would certainly recommend you take the time to invest in this story of one man’s promise to bring his boys home.

A riveting, heart-breaking and promising debut.

Bravo, Mr. Crowe.

3.5/5

*THROWBACK REVIEW* A NEW YORK WINTER’S TALE

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An unexpected watch. Went in to the screen (not literally) expecting the usual luvvy duvvy guff (my terminology for romance stuff), but came out surprised. A well-acted love story that is as different as it is strange. Cudos for the concept but not so much for its execution. Great chemistry from a great cast shies away from the numerous plot holes. However, I would say give it a go. One that doesn’t deserve the backlash it received.

At its core without spoiling too much is the story of thief Peter Lake (Colin Farrell) who fights to keep a dying girl’s (the beautiful Jessica Brown-Findlay from Downton Abbey) hope alive in a battle against a devilish villain, the scarfaced Pearly Soames (a sinister Russell Crowe). However, what ensues is quite different, actually. Their love unwittingly becomes a game between hidden angels and demons. I kid you not. A supernatural love fantasy that spans a century . . . almost.

Not what I expected at all from the trailers. I was going in for a typical by the numbers old fashioned period piece. The opening hooked me from the get go. We follow an amnesiac Farrell in the present day New York attempting to piece together his identity and his past. It all flicks back and forth and has enough questions and intrigue to keep me quiet.

Once the story sets itself in 1916 and the supernatural elements kick in, it gets even crazier. It all settles down a little too comfortably when Farrell and Findlay first meet, with the pace slackening. The usual love at first sight guff. The chemistry between Findlay and Farrell is brilliant. They make such a likeable couple that can get away with some of the more cringey one liners.

Crowe plays the baddie role to perfection. But for even with his Bond villain scar face, you can’t help but feel his role is being wasted. Reduced to merely plotting, making deals with fallen angels and demanding approval from his superior, The Judge (ol’ Big Horns himself. That’s right. The Devil). Cue an unexpected cameo that brought a smile. I would love to tell you. But this a story all about how . . .

I don’t want to talk about the story too much as I do want people to see this.

Caleb Deschanel’s cinematography certainly made the film worth looking at. The performances are brilliant with a massive ensemble; William Hurt (Lost in Space/Damages), Jennifer Connolly (Labyrinth/Blood Diamond), Matt Bomer (White Collar/Glee) and Scott Grimes (ER/Band of Brothers) in a blink and you’ll miss it role.

Now I understand that the film was adapted from a Mark Helprin novel. Unfortunately I will admit that I haven’t read it. This film has certainly peaked my interest. But that is mainly because despite its attributes and every supernatural twist or turn, a bigger plot hole popped its ugly head. Without being too spoilerific, why was Farrell Irish when his parents were Polish immigrants? Can the guy really not do any other accent?

And what was the deal with the horse? Anyway, despite being pulled apart at the seams, it’s still a nice jacket to look at, even if it looks different to what you expected when you paid for it. An interesting concept for a debut from writer/director Akiva Goldsman. Considering this was the guy (yeah he’s a guy. I know, right? Thank God I did my research) who produced the Paranormal Activity franchise.

An easy-going supernatural love ride that may be a bit shoddy on the exposition but makes up for it with originality, special effects and good acting.

3 (just)/5

NOAH REVIEW

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Woah . . . what the hell did I just watch? This shit just got BIBLICAL. Stupid one liners aside, a rather strange viewing experience. One that I’m not sure whether I enjoyed. Arguably Hollywood taking on the Bible is always going to get mixed results. However, that is not always the case. Examples such as Ben Hur, The Ten Commandments, The Prince of Egypt (what? Don’t judge me) are exceptions to the rule. Now credits where it’s due. The film excels with its special effects and the cast do their best with the material at hand. Now understandably that material is the Bible. Now I’ll be looking at this primarily as a film text. I’m not an atheist nor am I a believer as such. To be honest, I thought both the idea of a world created by a “Creator” and an entire universe created by a “big bang” because a thing called science said it was so, equally ridiculous. But hey everyone’s entitled to their opinion.

I digress. However, the film is full of questionable plot holes that intentionally and unintentionally pokes holes at the Old Testament itself. Now be warned there will be SPOILERS! Not the Bible bits, certain film sequences. I will try and be as cryptic as possible and as objective. Now obviously the premise we all know, in a world ravaged of sin, Noah is given a divine mission: to build an Ark to save creation from the coming flood. The opening sets up the background of the origin story of . . . us, really. Most of it, I knew. Other parts I had forgotten. Russell Crowe is a powerhouse actor and he provides a stellar performance. My main quip is his representation. Now Darren Aronofsky’s previous works have always been . . . out there. Pi, Requiem for a Dream, The (mind numbing) Fountain, and the more mainstream but surprisingly entertaining Black Swan. Aronofsky has pretty much made Noah as mainstream as possible. However, he transforms a man torn between fulfilling his duty to his Creator and the livelihood of his own family, into a demented maniac hell bent on achieving all means regardless.

Even more bizarrely, while the world is ravaged with sin, yadda yadda, a group of fallen angels are left to roam the rocky desolate landscapes. Now this part I was not aware of. The fallen angels are brilliantly designed, even if they look like Sloth from the Goonies had mated with one of the rock things from the Never Ending Story. And I couldn’t believe the talented voice cast behind them; Nick Nolte, Mark “Breaking Bad Tio Salamanca” Margolis and Kevin Durand (Real Steel and LOST). The crazy fight sequences between them and the monstrous human race desperate to board the Ark was entertaining if completely ridiculous. Aronofsky managed to convey more emotion and sympathy out of them than a number of the cast. Sir Anthony Hopkins manages to make a memorable impression in the limited screen time of the minor role of Methusaleh. It did have me pondering if Noah was allowed to save his family, why not his grandfather? Punishment for not being able to get the human race to conform and follow the righteous path? However, he was bonkers and wondered off a lot. To be honest, the supporting cast were strangely passive until the hour mark. The film was very much on the shoulders of Crowe. It was only when the humans in the area finally caught wind (come on, we’re better than that) of the Ark that things pick up, making for a tense, racy, riotous sequence. The visual CGI with the animals and the infamous flood are fantastic.

Douglas Booth (Romeo and Juliet) was highly unmemorable and passive as Shem. Logan Lerman (Perks of a Wallflower) and fellow co-star the beautiful Hermione, I mean, Emma Watson played their parts well and when given the time to shine, delivered solid performances. Jennifer Connolly (Labyrinth, always) reunites with Crowe (A Beautiful Mind) and manages to make a nothingy character stand out, especially in one tense if undeniably bizarre sequence that understandably might be where the controversy is coming from. The pair work well but fail to reignite that Beautiful Mind spark. Ray Winstone, I thought, was wonderfully gritty and gruesome as self proclaimed King Tubal-cain. Now it’s all down to how much of a Winstone fan you are. But I was pleasantly surprised and he stole the scene every time. For once, his grizzly growling was used to his strength. If you want to show the humans as nasty pieces of work, Winstone san. Once the Ark ascends, it all gets a little slow and drawn out. A slow burning if entertaining hour does not a good film make. And after two hours this film does test your resolve, if not for a tense finale.

NOW SPOILER TIME! AVOID IF YOU ARE CONSIDERING WATCHING THIS MOVIE! FOR THOSE WHO AREN’T FUSSED OR HAVE SEEN IT. CONTINUE READING THIS PARAGRAPH. Noah does everything to the letter for the Lord. He saves the animals and his family have the unexpected blessing that their son’s (well I would have assumed) wife is pregnant. Fantastic. Oh no, no. no. The human race must be no more. Which means the baby can be no more. If it is a boy, no probs. Can’t reproduce. If a girl, watch out. A compassionate hero becomes a demented mad man with one click of a finger. Unexpected? Yup. Watchable. Strangely so. Necessary? Ah, there’s the rub. Cue the time on the Ark as we wait nine months for the child to be born. Ray Winstone’s sneaky stowaway king plotting revenge for nine months? How did no one know he was on there? Also they made a herb that could knock out animals, how come it didn’t knock them out? A herb that would make them sleep for nine months? Without food or water? I mean, it’s a film but surely they could have had another trippy dream sequence in which the Lord told Noah to use said herb. I don’t know.

Visually ambitious, brilliantly acted, if drawn out, OTT, and questionably full of holes. However, this ark should manages to stay afloat, just. 3/5

Currently ranks #65 out of 161