*NEW* PIXELS MOVIE REVIEW *NEW*

Pick another movie.

When aliens misinterpret video feeds of classic arcade games as a declaration of war, they attack the Earth in the form of the video games.

Has Adam Sandler given up? Has he finally succumbed to mediocrity and dire disasters? A lot of you will probably say, “Hasn’t he already?”

For those who do follow my reviews, I’ve declared my guilty fandom for Sandler movies numerous times. BUT even this feeble effort tested my patience. I can’t tell whether this was intentionally supposed to be this bad or just sloppy?

The opening really didn’t get things going with an 80s flashback to the World Video Game Championship with our young protagonist Brenner (Sandler) discovering his passion for arcade games and battling it out with his rival Eddie (Peter Dinklage).

It was cliched and unfunny. NOT even the cameo from Dan Ackroyd brought anything to the mix. I did get nostalgic when all the old game titles flashed across the screen; Pac Man, Donkey Kong, Centipede. I think the only saving grace through this elongated sequence was Andrew Bambridge’s impression of Dinklage. It was spot on. It was easy to look the part but to sound like him and nail his expressions was something else.

And not before long, we’re back in the present. And it doesn’t get any better as we are force fed a ridiculously vomit-inducing love subplot between Sandler’s repair man and Michelle Monaghan’s military Violet. The pair may have had good chemistry BUT the terrible lines and schmaltzy scenes soon put out that fire.

Conveniently, or thanks to lazy script writing, Sandler’s best friend (Kevin James) is the President of the United States. This could have been ripe for gags galore. We know James can be funny. BUT flailing around, busting out stupid dance moves and shouting all the time doesn’t work. Come on. We had two Paul Blarts for that. Which were an improvement from this mess.

I was praying for the aliens to attack and when they did, it was brilliant. The only redeeming feature. Although 3D was definitely a waste of time. The sequences and effects were fantastic. The Pac Man Mini Cooper street race subdued my griping for a good ten minutes.

The Centipede laser gun shootout was also pretty decent. It was just a shame that a cringe-inducing cameo from Sean Bean took my attention away from it. Now the chap has done some bad movies in his day BUT even this one took the biscuit. Glad he was up for a laugh. BUT I was laughing for all the wrong reasons.

The little animated Cubert was certainly entertaining for the little ‘uns but its whiny Chipmunk voice did my nut in. The Tetris game attack was a particular highlight for me. Each line detonating a floor of a skyscraper. Fantastic.

Every time the aliens attacked, I was hooked. When they didn’t, it was tedious and dull. Every time the characters stopped to talk, the film was hampered down massively. It didn’t help that a lot of the Happy Madison regulars were missing. All those little in-jokes would have done this film a world of good.

Peter Dinklage. Ol’ Tyrion Lannister himself. He really gave it a go BUT he just annoyed the hell out of me. He had a couple of one liners here and there BUT I desperately wanted him to shut up. Pardon the expression but this was a massive step down from the Game of Thrones actor.

The cameos were wasted. I couldn’t believe Serena Williams and Brian Cox (Not the star man, the actual star) were in this. Williams didn’t have a bad stint as Eddie’s unimpressed love interest. While Cox was very dull as a bland general. Ashley Benson (Pretty Little Liars) may have looked stunning as Lady Lisa BUT she really was as one dimensional as her counterpart. And Jane Krakowski (30 Rock) might as well as have not been in it.

Josh Gad saved the day again as the unhinged conspiracy nut. He brought the schtick that saved the Wedding Ringer and did everything to make this lead balloon fly. There were a number of lines that got a chuckle out of me, “You’re the first person to come over . . . Voluntarily”. His reunion with Sandler and a bottle of chloroform was hilarious.

BUT alas it wasn’t enough. The gags were sparse. They even resorted to my pet hate of naff stereotyping with Aunt Petunia from Harry Potter playing the Prime Minister and talking utter jibberish. Well, the Queen’s English. Apparently. Sloppy.

Josh Gad, a silly nostalgic premise and some cracking effects may have made parts watchable BUT it just wasn’t enough. A wasted opportunity. Maybe more money should have spent on the script or the gags at least.

2(Just)/5

THE BEST OF ME REVIEW

Not the best for me. Two stars for the two couples.

James Marsden (X Men), Michelle Monaghan (True Detective) and their “younger” counterparts do their best to uplift an incredibly tame and cheesy love story but . . . alas! To no avail.

Another film to be adapted from another Nicholas Sparks novel and hopefully the last.

A little harsh but if they are NOT going to try and do something different than why bother?

The Notebook and even the one with that couple that I can’t remember were so much better. Oh hang on, Endless Love.

It didn’t help that I had quips about Luke Bracey (G.I.Joe: Retaliation). Now despite being the same age as myself or I (Never get that right), he looked considerably older than Liana Liberato (If I Stay) AND James Marsden.

Bracey is supposed to be a younger Marsden. NOW Bracey is 6 foot something while James Marsden is a good head shorter. I know you shrink when you get older but come on! That’s when you’re in your 70s/80s not 40s. Even Liberato beared some similarities to Monaghan.

Anyway, rant over . . . On that little quip.

Liberato and Bracey have good chemistry as do their future counterparts M&M. BUT it’s all so dreadfully corny, predictable and at a whopping 132 minutes, I expected a little bit more drama to justify the length.

It’s certainly watchable. And I guess it helps to be part of a couple not a miserable cynic like yours truly. BUT after the nicey nicey opening hour with all the luvvy duvvy guff, I found myself looking at my watch. Liberato and Bracey will certainly be ones to watch for the future and making waves in the right places.

Sean Bridgers was delightfully sinister as Dawson’s (Bracey/Marsden) redneck father Tommy Cole and brought in a darker undertone and the much needed drama I seeked. He will certainly survive from this film relatively unscathed and made a memorable turn. But with that blasted 12A certificate hovering over this story, I knew the story couldn’t go as far as you could have. A shame.

BUT that’s not to say there were wasn’t some unexpected twists. Predicted but considering the fluffy tone that this film first portrayed, it was still unexpected without spoiling the film for those who are still tempted to give it a go.

The closing moments also fitted that heading appropriately. Dreadfully predictable but, none the less, grab your tissues if you’re one for the weepies.

Now I admit, I have had a teary eye in the odd rom drom BUT this made me cry for all the wrong reasons. It’s not all bad. Certainly watchable but there have been so many couple movies out this year worth seeing. I enjoyed Love, Rosie a lot more by comparison. This was lazy, slow and ended so predictably that I’m not surprised that it’s leaving the box office quicker than it entered.

There are some endearing moments, especially with the couples’ relationship with Gerald McRaney’s (Jericho) Tuck. McRaney was brilliant and really did justice to a character that shouldn’t have been as memorable. He also works well with Bracey which made their relationship a little more likeable. I haven’t read the novel so I cannot say whether the film has done it justice. BUT one thing, it most certainly hasn’t spurred me on to read it.

The cast do their best to uplift what really is a Sunday matinee TV movie that you’d expect to see on True Movies. It’s watchable BUT I ‘d already forgotten it as soon as I left the cinema.

2/5