AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR REVIEW

10 years, 18 films, was Infinity War worth all the hype?

I loved how the Russos made this surprisingly accessible for fans who may not have obsessively watched the entire Marvel backlog beforehand or ever (Sacrilege, I know).

Crucial plot points were covered BUT you would be missing out on a lot of character depth, back stories and little references if you haven’t dipped into the other Marvel movies.

It felt like all the other films had been gearing up for this moment.

As much as I griped about some of the earlier Marvel efforts (Captain America: The First Avenger, Avengers Assemble, the Hulk reboots, Iron Man 2), I never faulted the characters; what they stood for, their journeys and their progression over the years.

I have to say that I was actually excited to finally see all these incredible characters unite against a common foe (and what a foe!).

Josh Brolin, take a bow. I couldn’t think of anybody better to take on the Purple Mountain. His vocal gravitas lifting the amazing visual effects. The detail on his expressions were impeccable. For me, one of the most memorable Marvel villains to date.

For a moment, I almost felt empathy for the tormented maniac. An engaging presence that chewed up every scene. You could almost understand his motives. The flashbacks providing a much needed depth with his relationship to Gamora (Zoe Saldana).

Even his minions delivered; Tom Vaughan-Lawlor was brilliant as Ebony Maw and a worthy adversary (most notably for Strange) and it took me half of the film with all that make up to realise that it was The Leftovers’ Carrie Coon playing the bloodthirsty Proxima Midnight (What a name!)

Surprisingly the opening sequence didn’t grab me. As much as it set the tone with Thanos claiming lives from the get go. It didn’t pack the emotional punch I hoped. Maybe because the lives involved were hardly a shocker.

However once Stark, Strange and Spidey united; my doubts were instantly extinguished.

I loved how IW had the perfect balance of humour, drama and action.

The fast paced set pieces, the stunning visuals, the quick witted one liners, the fun exchanges. 2 1/2 hours breezed over in a heart beat.

Mixing up all the characters made for so many brilliant encounters. The biggest highlight involving the unexpected teaming up of Thor, Rocket and Groot.

The Guardians gang almost stole the show from everybody. Drax and Mantis were fantastic: delivering some of the most quotable dialogues.

I think everybody had their moment to shine (The Cap’s Third Man entrance, Strange’s sorcery, any scene involving Thor). An impressive feat in itself considering how many characters were thrown into the mix.

The battle of Wakanda sequences were incredible! It almost (almost) rivalled the epic Helm’s Deep battle of LOTR (Nerd!). The animation, the intensity, riding every high and low.

Now don’t get me wrong, the film wasn’t perfect (Scandalous!). Ruffalo had already won me over as Banner/Hulk BUT he got on my nerves. More so because Hulk failed to turn up when the chips were down?!

I loved how the trailers lied. Manipulating the order of scenes and showing moments that weren’t necessarily in the movie. Some for the better, some for the worst.

After watching Banner embrace Hulk and appearing to resolve his inner turmoil in Thor: Ragnarok, I was a little annoyed that he was still very much unstable and out of control. Watching Ruffalo pull constipated expressions, groan and go a little green after a bad vindaloo was a little infuriating. Tut tut tut.

I’m sure you have heard whispers of characters being bumped off. I wouldn’t be commending a bold finale if risks weren’t taken but the removal of one particular character was abrupt and handled a little poorly for my liking *cough* Soul Stone *cough*

I had to laugh that Gwyneth Paltrow made a seemingly unnecessary cameo and yet both Ant Man and Hawkeye were out of the mix with just a passing comment to explain their absence. Really?

Even the special clip (that all Marvel fans endure endless credits for) was disappointing. Setting up the introduction of another Marvel character that we all knew was coming.

However, the gripping finale delivered a surprisingly dark turn and a very bold move from the Marvel team.

I can honestly say I didn’t see it coming. It’s hardly a spoiler to know that this is only Part One but I’m already pondering theories on how they can work Part Two and any other projects between the release dates.

BUT one thing has been established. It may have spanned 10 years but the Marvel movie-verse still has plenty in the tank (Especially right now) and I for one cannot wait for the next instalment.

3.5/5 (with room for a 4)*

*If some of the little niggles are addressed and rewarded in Part 2!

*NEW* THE LAST WITCH HUNTER REVIEW *NEW*

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Hopefully this will be the last.

The last witch hunter (Vin Diesel) is all that stands between humanity and the combined forces of the most horrifying witches in history.

I really wanted to like this. This had the perfect ingredients for a guilty pleasure. BUT all it did was leave me screaming like one of the tortured witches.

The opening was ridiculous. Come on, Vin Diesel with hair? Farfetched already. BUT it was watchable enough as Vin’s Kaulder and his band of miserable medieval men stake out a coven. Despite the frenetic violent sequence, it was too dark and disorienting to see who was doing what. I lost track of who was killing who? Heavy censorship to keep the 12A rating? Maybe.

It wasn’t long before our hero was cursed in the dying breath of a bizarre looking witch. Cursed with immortality. Flash forward to the present with ol’ baldy. Not sure what accent Diesel was trying to pull off BUT either way you couldn’t tell because he was so inaudible. His gruffest yet. He was far too serious for his own good. Laughable for all the wrong reasons.

Michael Caine’s priest was one of the better characters and he was barely in it! He quickly set up the back story about the truce between the witches and humans, cracked a couple of one liners and then sat this one out. His presence was sorely missed. Shame considering how well he worked with Diesel. They would have been a great duo and Vin seemed to lighten up with the old chap.

Instead we had Elijah Wood. Now, don’t get me wrong. I would have banked on Frodo to deliver the goods BUT his squeaky clean priest was too weak and annoying. BUT he didn’t come quite as close to irritating me as much as Rose Leslie (Game of Thrones) did.

She tried to provide a much needed comic relief as Chloe the witch barmaid roped into Diesel’s chaotic world. BUT her voice grated against me and frankly did my nut in. I kept expecting her to say, “You know nothhhinggg”.

Julie Engelbrecht’s appropriately titled baddie Witch Queen was terrible. She may have looked the part with her messed up make up BUT she was far too bland and unmemorable to make a real impression.

I really hoped that this would have been like Constantine. That perfect balance of dark and crazy. BUT for the majority of the piece, I was bored. The pace dipped in and out. The story was weak. And even when the action kicked in, I had already lost interest.

That’s NOT to say it didn’t have its moments. BUT there weren’t a lot. A scene in which Diesel must get information from a witch at a fashion show allowed for a demented encounter in which the mirrors showed the models’ true reflections. I wanted more of that.

BUT even then the CGI tested Van Helsing levels. Incredible in one shot, cartoony and naff the next. There was a revelation 75 minutes into the movie which made the last 30 minutes a little more bearable.

Wood and Diesel’s partnership only got going in the final act. BUT even then the corny exchanges were too much. It was too generic, predictable, cliched and dull.

NOT Diesel’s worst BUT it wasn’t far off. I’m digging through my old DVDs for Constantine to erase the memory of this mess.

2/5

THE INTERVIEW REVIEW

The Interview Movie

The film that nearly caused a ”war”. With hype like that, it was never going to deliver up to it’s expectations. BUT it doesn’t help that it’s just not that great.

From the western capitalists that brought you Bad Neighbours and This is the End . . .

It really is what you think. Franco and Rogen apply their usual smutty spiel in a Pineapple Express meets Frost/Nixon mish-mesh.

All that controversy in the news and what do you know? It get’s released. Funny that its IMDb rating dropped from 9.2 to 6.9 after an official release date was agreed. Hmmm . . .

It’s not all bad. But my main quip with this film is that it’s the same old guff; F + R effing and jeffing, rants that go off on random tangents for far too long and, oh of course, let’s not forget the pill popping.

So what’s it about? (For those who may have missed the headlines) Dave Skylark (Franco) and producer Aaron Rapoport (Rogen) run the celebrity tabloid show “Skylark Tonight.” When they land an interview with a surprise fan, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un (Randall Park), they are recruited by the CIA to turn their trip to Pyongyang into an assassination mission.

I knew from the get go what sort of film I was in for. The cartoon credit sequence with a Korean woman tearing up the American flag. Followed by a little girl singing “Death to America” while a nuclear missile was launched behind her said it all.

James Franco was fantastic. If not for him, this film would have bombed. Did anyone else notice how rough he was looking?

However, he played the deluded celebrity TV journalist Dave Skylark to perfection. A true egotist and simpleton. It seemed a little slow to get going. An interview with Eminem (who is looking old now!) soon livened things up.

A casual conversation inadvertently outing the rapper was a surprise. I did not expect The Real Slim Shady to suggest that his lyrics were a gay peekaboo. Brilliant.

Rogen plays Skylark’s best pal and frustrated producer. Desperate to be taken seriously and deliver real news; not that Rob Lowe is bald.

There are couple of cameos from Rogen and Evan Goldberg’s previous entries which deliver the odd chuckle. I’m not going to spoil everything now.

The bromance is still very much there. Rogen and Franco are still an entertaining couple. Normally their improvising did my nut in BUT this time around, I wanted more of it. The relentless Lord of the Rings references were starting to irritate me.

BUT it all seemed to be set up for a big punch line that I couldn’t help smiling over.

The other gags weren’t so hot. The inevitable “Me-so-sorry” lines rearing their ugly heads. Okay, the “Did you say Dong?” reference got a guilty titter. The pill popping and boozing was unnecessary and unfunny.

The alluring Lizzy Caplan did her best with her stocky CIA counterpart. If not for the “Honey Pot” debate gag, anyone could have played her. Or better yet, not needed her altogether. Shame.

The training session in which the pair must practice using Ricin was interesting but not very funny. It’s scary how poison can be transferred BUT come on, I watched 24.

So a Pineapple Express meets An Interview with a Vampire. Or reclusive maniacal leader.

How was the man in question presented? Well . . .

Randall Park was fantastic as Kim Jong-un. To be honest, he was the most entertaining character in it. BUT from a political standpoint, I could see how it could cause offense. However, I think Mr. Un needs to get a sense of humour.

I mean, come on. South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut, this ain’t. Hell, it doesn’t even cross Team America: World Police on the controversy scale.

He was merely a shy superfan with daddy issues. Hardly original.

Inevitably, Franco’s Skylark takes a shining to the misunderstood dictator as they bond over hookers and shooting missiles from tanks while drinking margaritas and singing to Katy Perry’s “Firework”. Yeah, you read that right.

Franco and Park were hilarious together with Rogen sitting on the sidelines. Some of Franco’s one liners were brilliant, “He’s peanut butter and jealous of us. He’s spreading KY jealous all over his balls.”

So is this really what all the fuss was about?

Well, not exactly. The final 20 minutes felt like two films meshed together and neither came off quite as well as you hoped.

The smiley superfan’s grin soon starts to crack, unearthing a demented maniac. It got a little more interesting with some actual satire. An incident involving a fake grocery store certainly got things moving in the direction I had originally expected.

There were a few moments that were just bizarre and f*cked up. They didn’t really fit in the film. Something I expected to see more in This is The End.

The strange Frost/Nixon set up at the end did throw in a few stats and suggested a little more to this chughead comedy. BUT that bubble soon burst with Jong-Un sharting on live air.

I think that controversy must have been an incredible PR stunt because beneath its fiery surface, there isn’t much else going on.

A sequence involving a drone pickup and a tiger was really funny and suspenseful. Once Diana Bang got over her “HOT” hard ass demeanour as Un’s head of communications, Sook, she was quite entertaining.

It’s big, dumb, at times quite funny but OTT and a bit of a let down.

If you were expecting something more, then you will be left disappointed. BUT if you love F + R and feel they can do no wrong then invest.

Mixed bag for me.

2.5/5

DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES REVIEW

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Yawn of the Planet of the Apes? Not quite but a questionable running length does more damage than the simian flu in what could have been a visually stunning tour de force of a prequel/sequel/prequel sequel

I fear this film will split people. Not that it hadn’t from the get go with a Planet of the Apes prequel trilogy but some will be in awe of the incredibly visual work to even care that beneath the surface there isn’t a lot of story and in terms of human character development, there is zilch. I really wanted to this work and it does . . . in sorts. A mixed bag.

Visually stunning. Incredible animation. Andy Serkis (Lord of the Rings) and Toby Kebbell (Rock ‘N’ Rolla) are fantastic as Caesar and Koba. Their expressions and movements are impeccable. You can actually suspend disbelief and become engrossed in the beautifully animated habitat. I know that the monkeys are at the fore front of these movies but it seems that no time was spent on providing us with human characters that we should care about. It is all clearly defined in the trailer; good guy, bad guy, good ape, bad ape.

The opening sequence in which we see the apes hunting and communicating through sign language is intriguing and suspenseful. They have developed a safe haven with rules and respect. That is until the humans come along. To be honest, the 3D is not a massive investment nor does it make a massive impact. The animation is good enough. Every time the humans enter the scene, you feel like the wind is being knocked out of the sails. It was great to see TV actors from the small screen get a bigger platform to perform but the characters are so clichéd and flat, that you find it hard to care. The time and energy is more focused on our primitive protagonists.

It was great to see Jason Clarke (Lawless) playing a normal good guy and he was probably the most memorable character . . . out of the humans. If anything it proved that Franco and Lithgow’s presences were very much missed. A passing reference with some video camera footage is we all get on old James ‘Squinty’ Franco. Keri Russell (The Americans) was the only female character that was so bland, it was such a shame. Any back story or mystery about the humans is soon exposed and leaves little interest. It felt like the writer had spent the time on the monkeys and thought, “Oh wait. We need some humans. Yeah, that will do”. It was great to see Gary Oldman but to be honest, anyone could have played him. All he did was cry or yell “They’re animals” over and over.

The main thing that kept this slackening piece going was the brewing rivalry between Koba and Caesar as Koba’s distrust for the humans seemed to threaten the very peace that Caesar worked hard to keep hold of. One thing that did irritate me slightly was once you have heard Caesar yell “No” or “Go” numerous times (with great conviction by Serkis), you can’t help but feel where is this going? We have seen all this before. For some, that will be enough. For others, you may be left wanting. Caesar is still a charismatic character and he steals the scene every time. But apart from Koba, there aren’t any memorable characters that can rival them.

It’s not all bad. Koba’s stake out sequences on the humans made for engaging viewing and when the action and suspense finally arrives, it delivers the goods. The final 20 minutes are riveting, explosive and action packed. However, you can’t help but feel that with the inevitable air of another sequel rearing its ugly head, that everything will either remain unresolved or be thrown up in the air. You find yourself picking out moments and guessing; this must be where the apes go full evil and enslave the humans, nope. Now, nope.

Matt Reeves (Cloverfield) does his best at taking over the helm but it all felt like build up. With confirmation that he will be directing the next instalment, two things are a must. More pace and better humans. Monkeys are A-OK. One slight qualm, how come Koba spoke more English than Caesar? Why aren’t they all speaking yet? But to be able to do sign language, hunt and build up a colony in ten years, some would say that’s plenty progress.

All in all, not bad. Fantastic animation, great visual and action pieces but a lagging pace and predictable human characters kill off what could have something so much better. 3/5

Currently ranked 64 out of 196!

300: Rise of an Empire Review

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THIS IS . . . surprisingly watchable and not bad. We seek that day where sequels can surpass their masters. There have been legends. But alas, today is not that day. But don’t worry, it still bears the bare boned brutality, visual brilliance and enough gore and testosterone to cure your blood lust and fill up a swimming pool, well in this case, an ocean, a bloody ocean. I mean look at the picture. Anyway . . .

So what is this legend about, brother? Well, based on Frank Miller’s latest graphic novel Xerxes, and told in the breathtaking visual style of its predecessor, this new chapter of the epic saga takes the action to a fresh oceanic battlefield as Greek general Themistokles (Sullivan Stapleton) attempts to unite all of Greece by leading the charge that will change the course of the war against the invading Persian forces led by the God king Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro), and vengeful naval commander, Artemesia (Eva Green).

Cue a watchable bloody battle of a movie in the best sense. The opening 20 minutes flicks back and forth and adds some depth and background to the blinged up, chained, tighty whitey wearing baldy badass that is Xerxes. It’s tough to call this a sequel as such. Rise of an Empire flicks before the infamous 300 battle, plays alongside the infamous battle time frame and then after. A bit like what Saw 4 tried to do. It works well and makes for a change. It zips along, delving into the Millerised Greek mythology chronicling the origins of Xerces and how he transformed from the weedy model looking Santoro to the testosterone pumped, voice changing reincarnation of Yul Bryner. It makes for good viewing and introduces Themistokles quite nicely, with Lena Headey’s somber narration guiding us along.

It does fill in a few gaps that the first left. Well little qualms. This is most notable when Themistokles rushes to Sparta to warn them of Xerves, just after Leonidas gave his response to the messenger. Unfortunately Leonidas is always somewhere else. I was hoping for one Butler cameo. It also worked as a great excuse to throw in some old faces from the original; Lena Headey, David Wenham (Lord of the Rings) and Peter Mensah (TV’s Spartacus). Stapleton makes for a likeable Themistokles and drops his so-so American accent. For those who might have clocked him, yes, he is the American in Strike Back. It’s tough boots for him to fill. Where he looks in the booming conviction (no one can top the sheer volume of Gerard Butler . . . well, Brian Blessed), he carries enough bravado to pull it off. It helps that Themistokles is an interesting character and a clever tactician. It made a change for the action to be taken out to sea and not repeat the 300 ground warfare, which makes for an entertaining battlefield.

However, all the build up and background is soon cast aside for the carnage. The visual effects are brilliant with the typical slow mo shots coming into effect. The blood spatter spraying across the screen does get annoying as it happens for almost every kill and gets a little cartoony. However, some of the kills are creative but it does seem to slow mo stab every soldier and animal. However, that is soon made up with crazy swordplay. The tactical battle sequences make for great viewing. The animation gets a little bit more messy as the film reaches its climax. The real scene stealer of the film is Eva Green, devilishly delightful, demure and demented. Crazy with a blade and a stunner to boot. There’s good chemistry between Green and Stapleton which inevitably leads to a fiery encounter on the battlefield . . . and in the bedroom. Seriously the sex scene. What was going on with that? Raunchy and rough soon climaxes (steady now) into an unintentionally hilarious punch up fist fight of a shag, I say. The cliched camaraderie between Testicles, I mean, Themistokles and his men is predictable and just doesn’t get away with it like the original. Surprise to see Jack O’Connell. He’s starting to show up in every thing, with his prison movie, Starred Up soon to hit the big screen. Shame, his character was a bit naff.

It might lack the cutting edge and tenacity of the original but is still watchable, gory and entertaining enough to kill 90 minutes. Hardly a war classic but not a complete ship wreck. 3 (just) out of 5!

Currently ranks #62 out of 154!

I, FRANKENSTEIN REVIEW

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I want my money back.

I can’t find the words. I can’t believe something that looked so good, could be so bad.

That’s 90 minutes of my life I’ll never get back. A dull, plot holed mess with a decent cast playing poorly written and stocky characters. The 3D was wasted on the fantastic set pieces. BUT that doesn’t excuse a bad movie.

Despite a reasonably watchable opening sequence, you can’t help but pick at the endless plot holes. Look, I know these sort of films were never going to win critical plaudits. And I went in hoping for big, dumb fun monster movie. BUT even as a B-movie, it struggles to intrigue or entertain.

As soon as I saw those five wonderful worlds, my heart dropped. “From the producers of Underworld”. Okay, I actually didn’t mind the first Underworld. Kate Beckinsale’s my Kryptonite. What can I say?

Anyway, I, Frankenstein throws us straight into the Creature’s “birth”/”rebirth” back in the 18th Century. It zips along quite well and skims straight through the familiar drivel. Creature hates inventor. Inventor chases after creature. Hunts creature down. Creature falls in ice. Realises he is immune to extreme temperatures and suddenly has incredible super strength. Wait, whaaaatt?

However, this is soon shoved aside for a mental creature combat sesh with funny looking demon things and gargoyles fighting over the Creature. The special effects are decent and the only thing I can commend is the action. BUT once Eckhart’s creature is picked up by the Gargoyle Order, my interest plummeted.

Now Aaron Eckhart (you may remember him as Two Face in The Dark Knight) is a very good actor BUT even his deadpan grimacing only made things worse. He delivers the lines with conviction. It’s just a shame that the lines were so bad. My personal favourite being, “I think your boss is a demon prince”.

Once he is abducted by the Gargoyle order led by their Queen (Mirando Otto – The Lord of The Rings), you soon realise the mess you’re about to sit through. She explains the plot in a swift minute that evil demons want to destroy mankind and they need the Creature or his inventor’s “How to Resurrect Dead Bodies” diary to help. Simples.

Nah, The Creature ain’t got time ‘fo dat. He hates everyone and everything. So it flashes forward 200 years. 200 years?! Really? Which means 20 mindless minutes of Adam (Oh yeah they call him Adam because he is the first of his kind. Nice touch) moping around and hiding. Until he decides, “I’ve had enough”.

Slays some gargs which was pretty good to watch. Blades flying, demons evaporating in flames, gargoyles grunting, more please! Only to get caught by the Order. Again.

Cue more cliched talking with our “loner hero” refusing to take the call and save the day. That and the endless to-and-fro of Adam being captured by the demons, then the gargoyles, then some scientists.

All I kept thinking to myself was they have Frankenstein’s book to resurrect the dead. So why do they need Adam? This must have been a flaw that the writer couldn’t decide on. He’s proof that the book works so we need him, right? Nah, kill him. No, wait! We do need him. Make up your mind!

The beautiful Yvonne Strahovski (Chuck) does a passable English accent. Better than Amy Adam’s Oscar nominated one in American Hustle anyway. She is completely wasted as a generic scientist thrown into the mix. There is zero chemistry between her and Eckhart. The only surprise after all the predictable luvvy duvvy guff was that they didn’t get together!    

Bill Nighy just “Nighy-ed” it up as the evil demon prince Naberius and when he transformed into his demon form . . . My God! He looked like Ivan Ooze. I couldn’t fight back the belly laughs.

Otto’s Gargoyle Queen was one of the most pointless characters going. All she does is pull blank faces and stare into space. Not to mention the repetitive one liners and unnecessary regurgitation of obvious plot points.

I could go on, but I’m exhausting myself. Jai Courtney (Terminator: Genisys) was terrible as the Gargoyle Queen’s protector, Gideon. All he did was pout and sulk. His character looked badass. BUT he’s not even allowed to intervene. The Queen gives him the key to everything. And he can’t use it. Come on! Even if it looked like an amazing battle axe. Nope, still can’t.

Also, the Gargoyles are supposed to fight in the shadows. Yet by the frantic finale, they are flying openly around in broad daylight. Hovering outside a public train station because no one will report it or take pictures on their phones, right?

Eckhart may have looked hench, but they didn’t bother sorting out his scars that magically reappeared at different areas of his face! This was a joke. If only, they played it out as one. It was far too serious for its own good. Even when the Creature tries to explain the situation to Strahovski’s scientist, you just cringe.

Dull, uninteresting, hilarious for all the wrong reasons. I hope a sequel is not in the works. If there is, god help us all!

1.5/5

TOP TEN BEST (Well, more watchable) AND WORST FILMS OF 2013 . . . So far

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At last, here it is. After much deliberation, debate and decision making, the verdict on my top 10 best and worst films of 2013.  I tried to make sure to include films that were released this year, but as release dates are all over the shop in different countries, it’s not guaranteed. Apologies for any mistakes in advance. Just let them all out at the same time, it will cut out piracy or at least make people see them before they realize how terrible they are, which has been the case for most of the films this year 😦

Main things I look for in a good film are good performances, story, writing, entertainment and more importantly, would I watch it again? (Or all of them) Which has been the toughest question to answer these days.

AND SO WE START WITH THE BETTER LOT OF THE YEAR SO FAR . . .

 

  1. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
  2. Django Unchained
  3. Les Miserables
  4. Monsters University
  5. Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa
  6. Saving Mr Banks
  7. The Heat
  8. The World’s End
  9. About Time
  10. Star Trek Into Darkness

 

Criteria for the worst; bad acting, bad writing, poor execution, anger factor, how badly do I want to burn this film? Too much? Thought so.

AND NOW THE ANGER-INDUCING, MIND-NUMBING WORST FILMS OF THE YEAR . . . SO FAR

  1. Old Boy
  2. Only God Forgives
  3. Dark Skies
  4. Spring Breakers
  5. Scary Movie 5
  6. Free Birds
  7. A Good Day to Die Hard
  8. Diana
  9. Stolen
  10. The Counsellor