*NEW* THE HITMAN’S BODYGUARD REVIEW *NEW*

Hit and miss BUT still good fun.

The world’s top bodyguard (Ryan Reynolds) gets a new client, a hit man (Samuel L Jackson) who must testify at the International Court of Justice. They must put their differences aside and work together to make it to the trial on time.

Sometimes with movies like this, you just know what you’re going to get. A silly popcorn flick. It won’t win plaudits for plot and originality BUT if it does the job then what’s the problem?

Reynolds applied his usual quick-witted shtick. I thought I’d be getting fed up of watching him in “Deadpool mode” BUT he still owns it. Even if some of the quips came off a little flat in places.

BUT the main scene stealer was Samuel L (The “L stands for Motherf**ker”) Jackson. Cackling like a mad man and laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. He made this movie. If not for him, I don’t think this would have fared as well. Legend.

The supporting cast was disappointing. More so with the characters than the performances.

Did Gary Oldman even realise his character was a parody of himself? He played a cliche of his own evil Russian villain cliche. Yikes. The villain was too weak, even for him. He took the role far too seriously. Shame. I was hoping he could have lapped it up and poked fun at himself. Alas, it was not to be.

We’ve seen this sort of character so many times before and done better . . . By the man himself.

Even the fiery Elektra Natchios (Elodie Yung – Daredevil) was reduced to a schmaltzy scorned ex subplot. Her verbal sparring with Reynolds was corny and dull.

There wasn’t enough Hayek. She was hilarious in the dreadfully small cameo. I would have been happy to have her on the road trip with the two hot heads. BUT then there wouldn’t be any incentive for Jackson’s character.

I’ll never hear Lionel Richie’s ‘Hello’ in the same way again. A flashback to Hayek and Jackson’s love story had me in stitches. Their eyes met across a violent bar brawl. Brilliant.

The inevitable backstabbing and “reveal” of the mole breaching security was mind-numbingly obvious. And the “twist” (or reason) behind Reynold and Jackson’s heated rivalry was predictable to boot.

Thankfully the action sequences made up for the generic story line. The race through Amsterdam was riveting, utterly bonkers BUT entertaining to the max. Seriously, the punch ups were insane; especially Reynolds’ DIY store scuffle with a Goliathan mercenary.

The humour delivered in parts. Some gags overstayed their welcome. Watching Jackson sing-a-long in a bus with nuns? YES! YES! YES!

Listening to him share childish insults with Deadpool and singing over each other? Not so much.

The action sequences were decent, the hokey plot was passable BUT the credit goes to the two leads who made a somewhat TV movie premise a little more than the generic mess it could have been.

I just the pair could have improvised off the cuff a little more. It felt like the 15 certificate rating held them back.

Watchable guff though.

3/5 (Just)

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*NEW* TROLLS REVIEW *NEW*

I didn’t find my happy place watching this.

After the Bergens invade Troll Village, Poppy (Anna Kendrick), the happiest Troll ever born, and the curmudgeonly Branch (Justin Timberlake) set off on a journey to rescue her friends.

Curmudgeonly? Word of the day. Had to grab a dictionary for that little doozy. That’s what you get for “borrowing” press releases. Anyway . . .

I had to laugh at the irony that the singer cast in the lead role voices a troll that won’t sing (Well until 70 minutes into the film).

This really is one for the little ‘uns. I couldn’t take the sugary sweet highly saturated animation with its ever-so-corny life messages. An insulin overdose for this diabetic.

It certainly didn’t win me over when a group of glitter-clad trolls were shooting glitter bombs out of each other’s backsides. Too much!

How does Russell Brand still get in movies? He’s like a foul stench that won’t go away. It was a toss up between him and James Corden for most annoying British comic to voice a troll. I could feel my hopes fading fast and that was only in the first 15 minutes!

I actually prayed for them to be eaten by a Bergen.

Director Walt Dohrn made more of an impression in his hilarious and tragically small cameo as the (appropriately titled) Cloud Guy. Give me five! Woah. GEAR SHIFT!

BUT that’s not to say that the film didn’t have its moments. I couldn’t think of anybody better than Pitch Perfect’s Anna Kendrick to take on the role of Princess Poppy. Belting out some cracking medleys that meshed up Earth, Wind and Fire, Junior Senior and Simon and Garfunkel.

A crazy mix BUT it worked. Even my grumbling subdued for those sequences.

“The world isn’t all cupcakes and rainbows”

JT played the part of the miserable Branch brilliantly. The social outcast locked away in his Bergen proof bunker. Branded a laughing stock while the rest of the clan party, hug and sing (Shudders)

He worked well with Kendrick and the pair made an entertaining duo. Poppy’s mad energy and infectious enthusiasm battling Branch’s endless paranoia and pessimism.

I tried not to pick at the flimsy story line. Some guff about Bergens eating trolls as their source of happiness. A Bergen can never be happy if they have never tasted a troll. Really? They seemed pretty happy hunting them and cooking them.

Christine Baranski (The Good Wife) played the dastardly Chef with aplomb. Determined to hunt down all the trolls to save herself from exile.

Christophe Beck’s soundtrack choices were excellent. I didn’t expect to see the Bergens slumping around to Gorillaz’s Sunshine In A Bag.

Apart from JT’s (Oscar nominated) toe tapping Can’t Stop the Feeling, the original material left little to be desired. It didn’t help that Kendrick’s voice really grated against me while singing ‘Get Up Again’.

The silly little subplot involving King Gristle (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) and his hand maiden Bridget (Zooey Deschanel) was entertaining enough and made up for the lacklustre journey.

I expected a bit more of an adventure. They got to the Bergen kingdom pretty quickly which made me think that they didn’t hide that well in the first place!

Deschanel was funny as the ditsy Bergen desperate to catch the king’s eye. Her attempts to woo him were comical. Her rendition of Lionel Richie’s Hello had me in stitches.

I didn’t even recognize The Big Bang Theory’s Kunal Nayyar as the auto-tuning troll Guy Diamond. Maybe that was a good thing.

It was a movie of moments. There were some good ones and some bad ones. It was watchable enough and killed the time BUT memorable?

It had enough to entertain the little ‘uns BUT the bigger kids . . . Well. I’d recommend Sing instead.

BUT I’ll let you be the judges.

2.5/5