*NEW* VALERIAN AND THE CITY OF A THOUSAND PLANETS REVIEW *NEW*

Dull-Erian.

Trust me, that pun was as clever and witty as the dialogue and plot.

Sheesh. What has happened to Luc Besson? The man who gave us The Fifth Element, Leon: The Professional, Taken, The Transporter.

Okay, yes. He also made Taken 2, Taken 3, Lucy, Transporter 2, Transporter 3 – you get the idea. To say his recent endeavours have been poor would be an understatement.

I really hoped this mega blockbuster would be a return to form but alas it was not to be.

A dark force threatens Alpha, a vast metropolis and home to species from a thousand planets. Special operatives Valerian (Dane DeHaan) and Laureline (Cara Delevigne) must race to identify the marauding menace and safeguard not just Alpha but the future of the universe.

The iconic French comic book series that spanned over 40 years and influenced Star Wars and Besson’s very own Fifth Element. A series that inspired Besson to personally fund and crowd source one of the most expensive independent films in Europe.

The iconic comic book series . . . that I hadn’t even heard of until this movie. I won’t be seeking it out after watching this. Fo’ sure.

It wasn’t all bad. In fact, Valerian was actually quite watchable.

Cara Delevigne was very good. The high browed model has done it again. She had already won me over in Paper Towns. The less we say about Suicide Squad the better. I can still picture that weird dance.

Anyway, contrary to reviews that I’d read, I thought there was good chemistry between the pair. What didn’t help was the dreadfully corny exchanges and flat lines.

Dane DeHaan really has been getting a bad wrap. He didn’t do a bad job. It just didn’t help that his Keanu-esque delivery managed to make the flat lines sound even flatter. I think he took the airhead persona a little too literal. Only Wick himself would have made that work.

A shame. His lacklustre charisma made Valerian such an unlikeable (Well, I say unlikeable) and uninteresting character. A bit bad considering he’s the main man.

One thing I couldn’t fault was Thierry Arbogast’s stunning cinematography and the visual effects. Stunning.

That gif doesn’t do it justice BUT you get the idea.

The colours, the detail. The immersive galaxies and numerous planets. A feast for the eyes. I just wish some of that detail could have been spent on the script.

The action set pieces were entertaining enough. BUT I wasn’t invested in the people.

All the jumping from interstellar galaxies and dimension guff was cool and an interstellar street market chase kept my grumbling at bay for a good 15 minutes. BUT that was only because I hadn’t got a clue what was going on.

The pace was as long as the ridiculous title. It dipped in and out and was far too sporadic. Ridiculously complicated one second, then dull and predictable the next. No consistency.

It didn’t help that the story was hampered by boring and pointless exchanges with flashbacks that highlighted stuff we already knew about. For example (NO SPOILERS);

CHARACTER: “I was following orders!”

*Cue a FLASHBACK of said character saying, “Follow my orders”.

Really? There were no real twists and turns. It was all too disjointed. And the “unravelling” made more plot holes by the frantic finale. BUT by the end, I didn’t care.

The sci-fi references and nods were a nice touch. The Millennium Falcon-esque ship, the Tron style hologram suits, the Battlestar Galactica Cylon style droids, the Blade Runner cityscapes. I knew Besson would excel in that field.

The supporting cast were disappointingly hit and miss with various cameos from unexpected actors popping up in this mad mess. I won’t spoil any. There were two I didn’t expect.

It was great to see Clive Owen back on the big screen. I just wish he wasn’t in this movie.

He did his best with the part BUT he was oh so laughable and old. My God. He didn’t need those silver patches on his sideburns (Ageing his character for a pointless flashback that had no relevance).

Rihanna was a welcome addition. And no, not just for the striptease with her numerous wardrobe changes (that will please any teen fanboy).

She was fun and entertaining as the changeling Bubble. I was more interested in her origin story than anybody else. And NO, not just because of that sequence! Naughty. A tragically small role.

And that’s what was missing.

We needed somebody like this guy;

Valerian took itself far too seriously for its own good. A bit of cheese and humour would have improved this by a country mile.

Besson tried to offer comic relief with some of the crazy and wonderfully animated characters. My personal favourite being the demented gargoyle hybrids of Huey, Dewey and Louie Duck.

Prepared to share information for a price, of course.

BUT it just wasn’t enough. It was watchable guff BUT enjoyable?

Meh. It just about killed the time BUT all I wanted to do when I got home . . . was find my DVD of The Fifth Element and stick that on.

Nothing to shout home about for me.

2.5/5

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*NEW* GET OUT REVIEW *NEW*

GET OUT and watch this!

A young African-American (Daniel Kaluuya) man visits his Caucasian girlfriend’s (Allison Williams) mysterious family estate.

Clever, witty and tense. A real treat.

I knew this had taken some serious money in the States. BUT as we’ve learned from the Fast and Furious franchise, big money doesn’t mean good movies.

When I heard that this was directed by the guy who made Keanu. My thoughts were mixed to say the least. The trailers originally did nothing for me BUT I couldn’t escape the crazy hype train.

Thank God, I caved in to the Twitterverse. One of the better ones. A suspenseful suburban horror with a surprisingly talented and underrated cast.

I’ve followed Kaluuya in the British circuit for some time (The BBC3 drama The Fades and Johnny English: Reborn). I was happy to see the chap get a leading role. He delivered a stellar turn.

It was eerie and unsettling from the get go. The tension bubbling away.

What should have been just a simple ‘Meet the Parents’ trip turned into something so much more. Even the drive up to the estate was riddled with racial tension.

Director Jordan Peele tackled the race row perfectly. Most notably when Chris was asked to present his ID to a police officer. Despite only being the passenger.

Red flags were raised as soon as the couple crossed the Armitages’ threshold. African-American servants loitering around at every corner. A beautiful country mansion stuck in a backwards country in a backwards time.

There was a strange atmosphere to the piece that kept me on tenterhooks. Even the over friendly family conversations unsettled me. Something just didn’t quite add up.

“I love Tiger and Barack”

I couldn’t believe how much The West Wing’s Bradley Whitford had aged. The last movie I saw him in featured an unpleasant death sequence with a mermaid. Cabin in the Woods, anyone?

He played the sickly sweet father-in-law-to-be Dean Armitage with aplomb.

To be honest, I was impressed with the whole cast. From Stephen Root’s (Office Space) suspicious blind gallery owner to Caleb Landry-Jones’ highly unsavoury Jeremy. They all played their parts perfectly.

I actually jumped a couple of times. One sequence came out of nowhere. Just a simple dream sequence, one little noise . . . and BAM! Woe is me BUT it worked.

Peele unintentionally delivered one of the most iconic shots that has stuck in the back of my head. Triggering an unexpected meme trend and bringing a whole new meaning to the Running Man.

The questions piling. The strange white party parading young African-American men as fashion accessories. The relentless satire; “Black is in fashion”. Crazy.

The hypnosis sequences between Chris and Missy (Catherine Keener – Into the Wild) did drag in places and slackened the pace. BUT I was still transfixed as Chris desperately tried to fight against the trippy waves of ‘The Sunken Place’.

LilRel Howery played the comic relief as Rod, Chris’ conspiracy theory mad best friend. He was hilarious BUT I felt his schtick overstayed its welcome. Especially when he continued to carry on preaching about sex slaves. It killed off the tension for me.

BUT I could relate to his frustration as the police laughed him off. The only one fearing the worst for Chris.

Get Out definitely felt like a film of two halves. Peele transformed this seemingly hynoptic and slow burning suburban satire into a tense and (bloody brutal) body shock horror.

I won’t spoil too much BUT there were a few surprises along the way.

The one thing I always hated with these seemingly trashy horror premises was how stupid the main character was. I would always scream at them for doing such stupid things, “Don’t go down there!”, “Don’t split up” and my personal favourite, “Don’t trust that person!”.

Not this time. I was completely caught up in this, wondering how Chris was going to (Pardon the pun) get out of this situation. I was rooting for the guy. Leaving a brutal, nail biting finale that had me on the edge of my seat.

The clever splicing of genres may have got a little heavy handed BUT I cannot recommend this enough. A film worthy of your time.

3.5/5