JURASSIC WORLD REVIEW

Jurassic-World-poster-Mosasaurus

Revisiting the monster hit that tore up the box office and . . . Meh.

I loved the original. An iconic piece of film making that I have lost many a Sunday afternoon watching again and again.

It was always going to be hard not to draw comparisons. BUT this was just about en par with the misfire that was Jurassic Park III.

A new theme park is built on the original site of Jurassic Park. Everything is going well until the park’s newest attraction, a genetically modified giant stealth killing machine, escapes containment and goes on a killing spree.

Apart from unintentionally sparking a race quibble with an inappropriately named dinosaur, the film was flawed from the get go. You didn’t know about the little race row? Allow Mobeen and Lamboo to educate you . . .

It wasn’t all bad. I was just a little disappointed. The opening didn’t get things going. Of course, the Jurassic films always had that slow burning build up before the dinos would inevitably break free or unleash mayhem.

BUT it didn’t help that the characters were so cliched and uninteresting. Nick Robinson and Ty Simpkins’ divorce stricken brothers were irritating beyond relief.

Judy Greer was reduced to another minor and meaningless supporting role as their mum. However, her only contribution; the best line of the film; “Remember. If something chases you. RUN!”

Chris Pratt. The man of the hour. Was pretty much . . . Himself. Normally, his spiel works BUT his smooth talking snappy one liners didn’t really deliver this time around.

Is the only role the guy can play? Star Lord as a raptor handler should have been a winner. BUT it just didn’t do it for me.

He fared better as the film went on. Especially when it all kicked off. Stepping up and actually trying to be a different character.

The lovely Bryce Dallas Howard was very good as the workaholic aunt hell bent on making Jurassic World a money making business.

It shouldn’t have worked but I liked how she managed to evade dinosaurs, fight raptors and chase after her nephews . . . in heels.

Some of the cornier exchanges were a bit hit and miss BUT Howard and Pratt’s chemistry saw it through.

Vincent D’Onofrio was wasted as Hoskins. He did his best BUT it’s all been done to death with Ingen. It really was the same old predictable guff. We had all the backstabbing and hidden agendas in The Lost World. Dull.

Irrfan Khan (Life of Pi) may have channelled his inner John Hammond with the eccentric millionaire Masrani BUT he did my head in.

And for some reason, he was the only helicopter pilot on the whole island. Seriously? All those soldiers, weapons and dinosaurs. No pilots. Talk about squeezing pennies.

I feared with the overindulgence of CGI in films these days that the dinos would fail to reach the levels that Stan Winston had delivered. When Jurassic World was first unveiled, the iconic John Williams score blared through the speakers, that excitement from my inner fan boy still buzzed.

BUT once the score had subsided, I realised how rubbish the layout of Jurassic World actually looked. I’m not sure whether writer/director Colin Trevorrow was making a statement at how corporate involvement can ruin every aspect. If so, then fair play. If not, then the set designers need a little talking too. It looked like a cheap Dino Disneyland.

The real stars for me were thankfully the prehistoric predators. And they still stole the show. The animation and special effects were fantastic! The chase sequences were tense, exhilarating and racy. Everything I had hoped for.

And the creepy introduction of a new dino demon picked up massive points. The gene-splicing element certainly made things a lot more interesting. A new intelligent species that hunts for sport. Brilliant.

A simple question about what happened to it’s sibling; a cold stare from Clare (Howard) and I was intrigued . . . “She ate it”.

Every time the Indominus Rex (Terrible name, I know) appeared, I felt that same fear as a little kid when the raptors and T-Rex appeared in JP.

The jungle sabotage sequence was superb. A perfect homage to Aliens. The dino camouflaged in the trees. The mercenaries’ life monitors with their pulses beeping in the background. The inevitable outcome reaching it’s nail biting conclusion.

Funny enough as the dinos were unleashed, the two lads actually improved. They worked together and were nowhere near as annoying as Lex and Tim. Trading bickering for resourcefulness. Redeemed.

Jake Johnson (New Girl) didn’t do too bad as the new ‘Dennis’, I mean, Larry. A mad tech geek that really hasn’t got a clue. He delivered the laughs that Pratt and co failed to.

Trevorrow certainly appealed to the JP fan in me. There were a number of nods and references that made me smile (Mr DNA being a particular highlight). It was great to see B.D Wong return as Dr Henry Wu (Wu who? Come on, you remember him. Thank God. Neither did I).

Composer Michael Giacchino delivered another fantastic soundtrack and took on the reins with aplomb.

The special effects were immense (The pterodactyl attack – Words escape me), the dinosaurs stole the show BUT can we have some better characters?

All the naff one liners and cheesy encounters just made me miss Grant and Malcolm. Hell, even Laura Dern’s ear piercing wailing.

Fun enough effort that falls short of the original.

3/5

Advertisements

*NEW* KING ARTHUR: LEGEND OF THE SWORD REVIEW *NEW*

I don’t know what was worse; David Beckham’s cameo or the movie altogether.

Thy verdict is in and its all apples and pears, san.

Robbed of his birthright, Arthur (Charlie Hunnam) comes up the hard way in the back alleys of the city. But once he pulls the sword from the stone, he is forced to acknowledge his true legacy – whether he likes it or not.

The opening 20 minutes was better than I thought with Eric Bana (Troy) bossin’ it as Uther Pendragon. The murky Sherlock Holmes style backdrop may have put a dampener on things but there was action, sword fights and creatures with enough cheese to keep things entertaining.

Ritchie regular Jude Law did his best as the slimy Vortigern. BUT he spent the majority of the film sulking, pouting and pulling faces. His dialogue was bland bar one exchange with a tortured prisoner that delivered an unexpected ear gag.

What annoyed me the most was that Ritchie and co skimmed through the origin build up. Flash forwarding Arthur’s upbringing in a brothel with a quick montage of Sons of Anarchy’s Charlie Hunnam screaming and pounding on his well toned abs.

I wouldn’t have minded the build up as we might have had better connections with Arthur’s band of cockney geezers. I might have actually cared about them.

By the 30 minute marker, it felt like Ritchie had copped out and tried to work his Lock, Stock magic on the thing. An interrogation sequence with the King’s Guard tried to deliver that quick witted humour BUT it just didn’t work.

“Which Mick? Flat Nose Mick, East End Mick or Chinese Mick?” Really? Taking the mick, more like. I preferred the darker Game of Thrones undertone.

I know this wasn’t going to win plaudits for groundbreaking cinema. It was a blockbuster retelling the legend of Arthur BUT it was a bit of a hot mess.

Hunnam just about pulled off the charm offensive as Arthur BUT he came off as such a cocky tool.

I could understand his initial behaviour (at first) BUT he didn’t get any better and grew considerably more childish as the agonizing pace fumbled along.

The tone was was all over the gaff. Silly and laughable one second and relentlessly dark and brooding, the next. Failing to work on any level.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There were chunks that were highly watchable and there was fun to be had . . . in places. I loved the street chase sequence with the Rock ‘n’ Rolla style handicam perspective.

Some of the exchanges delivered the odd quip and drew a smile. BUT not as much as Golden Balls’ squeaky Sarge. His voice and laughable dialogue did nothing for him. Eric Cantona may have been bitten by the acting bug. BUT not everyone can make that transition. Sorry, Becks.

The female roles were terrible. I don’t know who Katie McGrath (Jurassic World) has upset in Hollywood BUT she always plays characters that never last. Annabelle Wallis (Peaky Blinkers) was weak. Anyone could have played her. If they needed her character altogether.

Astrid Berges-Frisby (Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides) was dreadful as The Mage. Her deadpan delivery and pasty faced complexion did nothing for the role. There was zero chemistry between her and Hunnam. The “friendly” banter was so awkward to watch that I was screaming for Merlin.

It didn’t help that the story (for all its “re-working”) went through the motions. The majority of the supporting cast were highly unmemorable.

NOT even Game of Thrones’ Little Finger (Aiden Gillen) could save the day. Utopia’s Neil Maskell was the only “knight” who made an impression.

The film picked up by the 75th minute marker and delivered an entertaining 30 minutes BUT I could still feel my eyes wandering to my phone as we waited for the (rushed) finale.

The mixed special effects delivered impressive visuals and disorienting mayhem. Especially when Arthur finally got to use Excalibur in all its horrifically CGI ‘d glory. Blasting knights left, right and centre in a horrendously dusky haze of carnage.

Arthur and Vortigen’s fight was disappointing after all the build up and endless dreams/flashbacks revisiting Arthur’s past.

Frustrating doesn’t come close. Ritchie kept skimming through the good bits and leaving us with the chaff. The Dark Island training montage had giant creatures; bats, snakes and god knows what else. Felt like an excerpt from a different movie. Why couldn’t we have more of that?

Watchable guff BUT nothing to shout home about. I actually preferred the Clive Owen re-working instead.

2.5/5

*NEW* INFERNO REVIEW *NEW*

inferno_ver4

If The Da Vinci Code and Angels & Demons was just the beginning, this latest offering will hopefully be the last.

When Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) wakes up in an Italian hospital with amnesia, he teams up with Dr. Sienna Brooks (Felicity Jones), and together they must race across Europe against the clock to foil a deadly global plot.

Burn baby burn. Reviewing Inferno. Burn baby burn. Moving on . . .

Funny enough, Inferno was the one book out of the Dan Brown series that I hadn’t read. After watching this, I don’t think I’m going to bother. BUT credit where its due, despite the lengthy running time, it was actually very watchable.

The opening 30 minutes had the mad page turning energy and intrigue of the novels as Langdon battled to fight his short term amnesia. The questions piling up. Those demented visions with feet in the ground and peoples’ heads twisted around. It was like something out of The Exorcist!

Apocalyptic. No, not a glimpse of Trump’s America (That’s as close as you’re going to get with satire with me).

What does Ben Foster have to do to get a good part? The minute role of the maniacal billionaire Betrand Zobrist didn’t do him justice. He delivered a memorable turn but after his stellar performance in Hell or High Water, I expected more. Anyone could have played him.

Zobrist’s theorizing on the overpopulation of the Earth was daunting stuff. Disillusioned and scared of the alarming rates of the ever-growing human race, the pragmatist takes matters into his own hands to find a cure. A plague.

Hanks always delivers and he certainly rocked the best hair do out of the trilogy. I just wish that momentum could have stuck. He does his darndest to make the history guff sound interesting BUT after 15 minutes of Dante the poet; I would have happily bribed this tour guide to shut the front door.

The lovely Felicity Jones (Soon to appear in the heavily anticipated and advertised Star Wars: Rogue One) was very good as Brooks. The doctor caught up in Langdon’s conspiracy. I thought she worked well with Hanks and they made a good little duo.

Salvatore Totino’s cinematography was divine in its own right. Capturing the picturesque Italian backdrops in all their glory. Florence has never looked so breathtaking.

The chase sequences were exhilarating (To begin with). Aided with another riveting Hans ‘Gladiator’ Zimmer score. BUT the sequences soon became repetitive and boring. A bit like the second half of the film, I’m afraid.

The anagram jumbling and endless history facts gave me a bigger headache than Langdon’s gun shot wound.

There was a couple of twists along the way which did surprise me but the path those twists took didn’t quite head in the direction I’d hoped for. If anything it made things even more far fetched. The self-explanatory flashbacks really didn’t help matters!

The drawn out finale put me into a mini coma. It went to ridiculous lengths to bring all these secondary characters to the fold (That weren’t that relevant or interesting) leaving Langdon and Brooks completely lost in the mix!

Sidse Babett Knudsen’s (Westwood) role was completely unnecessary by the closing minutes. Nothing more than a red herring. Irrfan Khan’s (Jurassic World) allusive Harry Sims had potential BUT it honestly felt like his character was in the wrong movie altogether.

Omar Sy (The Intouchables) was terrible. His acting and delivery was laughable. It didn’t help that his character was equally as weak and dull. Ana Ularu’s (Outbound) motorbike copper assassin was dreadfully bland. After I realized that she wasn’t the actress that played Tonks from the Harry Potter movies, she soon bored me.

In terms of ranking the film series, this has to be the weakest entry for me. Angels & Demons being the best. (If you’re wondering about my view on the books – The Da Vinci Code all the way!)

It started so well with a mad cryptic opening and some exhilarating chase sequences across some beautiful shot locations BUT the pace and story line soon dragged, ending with a mere whimper.

It killed the time BUT this might split the fans right down the middle. Shame.

2.5/5

*NEW* THE 5TH WAVE REVIEW *NEW*

The-Fifth-Wave-War-Poster

Corny, dull, laughable. Another Hunger Games inspired mess floods the silver screen.

Four waves of increasingly deadly alien attacks have left most of Earth decimated. Cassie (Chloe Grace Moretz) is on the run, desperately trying to save her younger brother (Zackary Arthur).

The premise seemed a little hokey BUT with Hit Girl at the helm, I thought this could be watchable. Oh how wrong I was. The first half hour wasn’t too bad and zipped along and after a strong and tense opener, my hopes were still quite high. BUT it just went downhill from there.

The quick cliched set up through flashbacks did the job. The inevitable high school guff was a little dull BUT was quickly skimmed through. Thankfully. Watching Chloe loving life, soccer and boys. Awww. Yuck. That was until the end of the world.

The four waves of attack were quite frantic and pacey. The CGI wasn’t too bad either as tsunamis consumed cities and the aliens made their tacky Independence Day introduction. The virus outbreak through strains of bird flu was an interesting prospect that was breezed over. Things looked to pick up when the aliens began to control the remaining survivors. Looked being the primary word.

Moretz did the best with her role BUT the cliched high school girl spiel can only be done so many times. She may have got away with it in If I Stay BUT it didn’t work this time around. Her droll diary entries put me into a mild coma.

Ron Livingston (Office Space) and Maggie Siff (Sons of Anarchy) were wasted as Chloe’s parents. They did their best BUT anyone could have played them. It didn’t help after all the promise of alien attacks, we were subjected to a mindless romance subplot that went nowhere.

Alex Roe played the charismatic stranger Evan Walker well. BUT the inevitable blossoming romance was nauseating. I was bored. I wasn’t interested. It might have worked better if it wasn’t so corny or laughable. The endless staring and cheesy exchanges was too much. A scene in which Evan is cleansing himself in the lake with his shirt off was hysterical. Come on.

I was more intrigued with the idea of kids being recruited as soldiers to fight off the enemy. A daunting prospect with children being the only ones able to detect who are being controlled by the aliens. It wasn’t explored enough or used to its full potential.

A shame considering Maria Bello (Coyote Ugly) and Liev Schreiber (Ray Donovan) were the leading authorities. Bello made a more memorable impression as the sinister sergeant than Schreiber. He was reduced to standing in a command centre and looking menacing. The guy can act. Let him. Dreadful.

Instead we had another dull subplot with Chloe’s high school flame Ben or Zombie (Nick Robinson – Jurassic World) endure military training. Robinson was a likeable lead BUT the cliched military montages and his clashes with Maika Monroe’s (It Follows) bratty army reject just slowed this piece down to a snail’s pace.

The twists, if you could call them that, were terrible. You could see them coming a mile off. This felt like another regurgitation of Hunger Games and Divergent with much weaker results. I couldn’t understand why this received a 15 rating. It wasn’t that violent or dark enough.

We know that Moretz can play a strong female lead. So why did we have a whiny, pining teenage girl? She only really got to step up in the final 20 minutes as she attempted to rescue her brother. A case of too little, too late for me. Rushing for a frantic finale that left everything open.

For those familiar with Rick Yancey’s novel, you already know that there’s more to come. BUT if the next offering is going to be anything like this feeble effort, then the plans for a franchise might be end quicker than the aliens’ plans for Earth.

And I thought The Host was a chore. An adaptation that earned no sequels. The endless teen bestseller adaptations is getting silly. Retreading and replicating the same old spiel. Give us something different. Original if possible.

Weak characters, a laughable story and a cliched premise makes this one to forget.

2/5

JURASSIC WORLD REVIEW

Jurassic-World-poster-Mosasaurus

Revisiting the monster hit that tore up the box office and . . . Meh.

I loved the original. An iconic piece of film making that I have lost many a Sunday afternoon watching again and again.

It was always going to be hard not to draw comparisons. BUT this was just about en par with the misfire that was Jurassic Park III.

A new theme park is built on the original site of Jurassic Park. Everything is going well until the park’s newest attraction, a genetically modified giant stealth killing machine, escapes containment and goes on a killing spree.

Apart from unintentionally sparking a race quibble with an inappropriately named dinosaur, the film was flawed from the get go. You didn’t know about the little race row? Allow Mobeen and Lamboo to educate you . . .

It wasn’t all bad. I was just a little disappointed. The opening didn’t get things going. Of course, the Jurassic films always had that slow burning build up before the dinos would inevitably break free or unleash mayhem.

BUT it didn’t help that the characters were so cliched and uninteresting. Nick Robinson and Ty Simpkins’ divorce stricken brothers were irritating beyond relief.

Judy Greer was reduced to another minor and meaningless supporting role as their mum. However, her only contribution; the best line of the film; “Remember. If something chases you. RUN!”

Chris Pratt. The man of the hour. Was pretty much . . . Himself. Normally, his spiel works BUT his smooth talking snappy one liners didn’t really deliver this time around.

Is the only role the guy can play? Star Lord as a raptor handler should have been a winner. BUT it just didn’t do it for me.

He fared better as the film went on. Especially when it all kicked off. Stepping up and actually trying to be a different character.

The lovely Bryce Dallas Howard was very good as the workaholic aunt hell bent on making Jurassic World a money making business.

It shouldn’t have worked but I liked how she managed to evade dinosaurs, fight raptors and chase after her nephews . . . in heels.

Some of the cornier exchanges were a bit hit and miss BUT Howard and Pratt’s chemistry saw it through.

Vincent D’Onofrio was wasted as Hoskins. He did his best BUT it’s all been done to death with Ingen. It really was the same old predictable guff. We had all the backstabbing and hidden agendas in The Lost World. Dull.

Irrfan Khan (Life of Pi) may have channelled his inner John Hammond with the eccentric millionaire Masrani BUT he did my head in.

And for some reason, he was the only helicopter pilot on the whole island. Seriously? All those soldiers, weapons and dinosaurs. No pilots. Talk about squeezing pennies.

I feared with the overindulgence of CGI in films these days that the dinos would fail to reach the levels that Stan Winston had delivered. When Jurassic World was first unveiled, the iconic John Williams score blared through the speakers, that excitement from my inner fan boy still buzzed.

BUT once the score had subsided, I realised how rubbish the layout of Jurassic World actually looked. I’m not sure whether writer/director Colin Trevorrow was making a statement at how corporate involvement can ruin every aspect. If so, then fair play. If not, then the set designers need a little talking too. It looked like a cheap Dino Disneyland.

The real stars for me were thankfully the prehistoric predators. And they still stole the show. The animation and special effects were fantastic! The chase sequences were tense, exhilarating and racy. Everything I had hoped for.

And the creepy introduction of a new dino demon picked up massive points. The gene-splicing element certainly made things a lot more interesting. A new intelligent species that hunts for sport. Brilliant.

A simple question about what happened to it’s sibling; a cold stare from Clare (Howard) and I was intrigued . . . “She ate it”.

Every time the Indominus Rex (Terrible name, I know) appeared, I felt that same fear as a little kid when the raptors and T-Rex appeared in JP.

The jungle sabotage sequence was superb. A perfect homage to Aliens. The dino camouflaged in the trees. The mercenaries’ life monitors with their pulses beeping in the background. The inevitable outcome reaching it’s nail biting conclusion.

Funny enough as the dinos were unleashed, the two lads actually improved. They worked together and were nowhere near as annoying as Lex and Tim. Trading bickering for resourcefulness. Redeemed.

Jake Johnson (New Girl) didn’t do too bad as the new ‘Dennis’, I mean, Larry. A mad tech geek that really hasn’t got a clue. He delivered the laughs that Pratt and co failed to.

Trevorrow certainly appealed to the JP fan in me. There were a number of nods and references that made me smile (Mr DNA being a particular highlight). It was great to see B.D Wong return as Dr Henry Wu (Wu who? Come on, you remember him. Thank God. Neither did I).

Composer Michael Giacchino delivered another fantastic soundtrack and took on the reins with aplomb.

The special effects were immense (The pterodactyl attack – Words escape me), the dinosaurs stole the show BUT can we have some better characters?

All the naff one liners and cheesy encounters just made me miss Grant and Malcolm. Hell, even Laura Dern’s ear piercing wailing.

Fun enough effort that falls short of the original.

3/5