*NEW* BAYWATCH REVIEW *NEW*

Big, dumb and full of . . . sun.

Devoted lifeguard Mitch Buchannon (Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson) butts heads with a brash new recruit (Zac ‘High School Musical’ Efron), as they uncover a criminal plot that threatens the future of the bay.

From the director of Horrible Bosses. That should sum up your expectations in a nutshell. A loud, crude BUT (hopefully) entertaining flick.

And for a good portion of the running time, Baywatch was. Undeserving of the incredibly low ratings on Metascore. I’ve seen a lot, lot worse. BUT at that same stroke, I’ve seen a lot better.

The first 30-40 minutes was everything I hoped for. I don’t think this would have worked without The Rock. He carried the film with his charisma and ridiculous physique. Lapping up the silliness of it all. And almost making it work.

A man respected by the community. Doing everything to keep his bay safe while protecting his ‘family’ (the Baywatch team). Corny BUT watchable.

Efron played Brody brilliantly. He worked well with the Rock and they made a great duo.

The selfish Olympiad bumping heads with the head honcho spiel was predictable but engaging as the pair spewed childish insult after insult at each other.

As much as they poked fun at the silly plot line with drug deals and political corruption, it was really dull.

When the jokes and banter died down, there wasn’t much else and you really felt the pace; which was a little long at the tooth.

Of course, Baywatch was never going to win plaudits for groundbreaking cinema and mind-bending plots. It’s CSI on the beach with lots of beautiful people frolicking around in tight bikinis and shorts.

Putting my inadequate body to shame (He says piling in more crisps while writing this review).

I was a little disappointed with Alexandra Daddario’s (San Andreas) role. Her naff romance (If you can call it a subplot) with Brody didn’t really work. It was far too cheesy and the banter didn’t come off as well as it could have. Shame.

Jon Bass (Big Time in Hollywood) stole the show as Ronnie. The fumbling tech geek aspiring to be a lifeguard. Well, to work with one lifeguard, in particular. And no, it ain’t Mitch.

Wowewow, Pamela who?

Ronnie’s desperate attempts to woo CJ (Kelly Rohrbach) were hilarious and delivered some of the better laughs.

I haven’t really rated Hannibal Buress in the past BUT he was surprisingly funny as Ronnie’s pal. His commentary during Ronnie’s awkward encounters with CJ had me in stitches.

The meta-textual references were spot on. You can’t do a Baywatch reboot without the slo-mo.

The slo-mo gaffs worked but that joke soon overstayed its welcome. Especially when they started doing SUPER slow-mo. And by the time, a Baywatch icon made her introduction in the closing minutes, I was done.

Priyanka Chopra (Quantico) wasn’t in this enough.

No. Not just because she looked stunning. A proper femme fatale. Even Big Mitch was on edge.

“A Bond villainess? Not yet”. She played the part really well and chewed up the scenes BUT her screen time was reduced to nothing. Only to be brought back in the frantic and rushed finale!

It was watchable guff that killed the time.

Brody’s deluded theorizing with Mitch’s put downs was fun. The action sequences were well done.

The silent punch up in a nursery was fantastic as Mitch took on a henchman. Quietly spewing hushed threats, “You’re going night night b*tch” while slapping each other about with kids’ toys.

The morgue investigation was more of what I expected. Crude gags with a dead man’s appendage. Funny one liners and utter mayhem.

If anything I wanted more of that silliness and crude humour, the writers played the piece a little too much like a Baywatch episode.

I know I’m normally a cynical movie-goer BUT I would have been happy to watch The Rock jump off more burning yachts with insane rings of fire. Even watching Efron dive off a pier while racing a motorbike did the job.

The ending seemed rushed and too chaotic. It was as if the writers didn’t know what to do with it. The tone was all over the gaff and The Rock dropped the tough guy bravado for sheer buffoonery.

A mess.

BUT a fun one. Just.

3/5 (Just)

*NEW* LA LA LAND REVIEW *NEW*

la_la_land_ver3

Over-hyped drivel.

Well, that’s what I thought I was going to say.

Overrated, maybe? But as much as I tried to resist the crazy hype train, I still couldn’t help but fall for this highly watchable and entertaining romp.

A jazz pianist (Ryan Gosling) falls for an aspiring actress (Emma Stone) in Los Angeles.

The opening sequence did nothing to win me over. Despite director Damien Chazelle’s opening credit titles and Cinemascope capture mimicking the days of old; it was too much.

People jumping out of their cars, free-runners . . . free-running, the word ‘chaotic’ doesn’t come close. I couldn’t even hear the lyrics being sung.

All that was missing was a truck with some bongo players in the back . . . Oh, wait, no. There they are.

The soundtrack was a little disappointing. The first two or three songs were highly unmemorable.

Chazelle’s disorienting camera work and ever-growing ensembles combined with his incredibly mad and colourful palette felt like a shot of insulin being given to a caffeine addict. Overkill.

However . . .

I will admit. I’m not the biggest fan of Gosling and Stone. There’s just something about them that grate against me. The Help and The Nice Guys being exceptions.

BUT once the couple were finally brought to the fold, my grumbling was subdued.

Both caught up in their own testing life struggles from Mia’s awkward cringe-inducing auditions to Seb accomplishing his dreams of running a jazz bar.

The concept was hardly original. The focal point of the piece was just like any other musical. A love story.

BUT despite its predictable nature, Chazelle managed to cross exam a relationship from its crazy highs to its downbeat lows. All aided by fantastic chemistry between two brilliant leads and a good script.

I didn’t realise Gosling could play the piano. He was fantastic. City of Stars was probably the only song that I (annoyingly) can’t stop whistling. That blasted piano rift!

I thought the pair’s singing was very good. Considering they aren’t professionals, they sung very well. Stone’s rendition of Audition was excellent.

In all fairness, I would have been happier to watch more of their dancing. A Lovely Night was a bit of a weak song BUT with Justin Hurwitz’s score and the duo’s late night toe tapping dance in the dusk, I was entranced.

The whole thing had a slight air of Astaire and Rogers about it.

source

That was until their beautifully shot ballroom dance in the Griffin Observatory. Dancing in the stars. Cheesy but a nice touch with a fitting nod to A Rebel Without A Cause.

la-la-land-audition-12

I knew the Whiplash director would sneak jazz into the mix. The only problem was that I’m NOT the biggest fan. I’m sure Seb would have a few choice words to say about that. For those who’ve seen it, you’ll know what I mean.

There were some good songs BUT it all felt a little samey to me and the pace was starting to test. If it wasn’t for Gosling’s (and Chazelle’s) enthusiasm, I would have found all the jazz trivia a little dull.

BUT I was engaged in the couple. We watched their romance blossom over the seasons as their paths crossed time and time again. Fate playing its little game.

Laughing as they inevitably fell in love and wincing as the strain of their busy lifestyles took its toll. We could all relate to moments that the pair experienced.

The epilogue was unexpected. Just when I thought I had the film pegged, Chazelle managed to surprise. And not even the Twitter references and endless memes spoiled what was a wonderfully captured and fitting swansong.

The set design, the layout, the choreography. Fantastic.

The hype may have hindered. From all the astounding comments you’d think people hadn’t seen a musical before?!

I’m not saying I’m the biggest musical fan. BUT I don’t hate them either. West Side Story, On The Town, Chicago, Singin’ In The Rain, Moulin Rouge are classics I could watch again and again (Bet you weren’t expecting me to name those titles).

As much as I enjoyed this, I wouldn’t rush to make a special trip to see it again.

La La Land certainly celebrated the much missed presence of an absent genre. I tried to compile a list of musicals in the last decade. Not many came to mind; Frozen, Sing Street (A must watch) and . . . shudder . . . High School Musical.

As much as I felt this may have been over-hyped by awards buzz, it was still an entertaining watch from two underrated actors.

Unless you’re completely anti-musical. If so then why you are here?

3.5/5 (Just)

*NEW* MIKE AND DAVE NEED WEDDING DATES REVIEW *NEW*

mike-dave-need-wedding-dates-movie-poster

Mike and Dave needed better writers.

Two hard-partying brothers (Adam Devine and Zac Efron) place an online ad to find the perfect dates for their sister’s Hawaiian wedding. Hoping for a wild getaway, the boys instead find themselves out-hustled by an uncontrollable duo (Aubrey Plaza and Anna Kendrick).

OTT, crude with the odd laugh. Not as bad as I thought it would be BUT that not great either.

The opening didn’t really build my hopes up (I’m getting fed up of writing this sentence). It was established from the get go that the juvenile brothers were complete morons. Their feeble attempt at hustlin’ a new client to buy their booze was okay. BUT I could feel my eyes wandering towards my phone already. NOT even Plaza and Kendrick’s introduction did anything to improve matters.

However, once the wedding date proposal came into play, things picked up. The awkward dating encounters that the Brothers Stangle endured did have me smiling. Attracting all sorts of nutters. A particular highlight involving a man dressed up as a woman desperate for the vacation and willing to do anything for it.

It’s good to see Efron letting loose and poking fun at himself. Dirty Grandpa seemed to shake off his squeaky clean High School Musical image. I’ve never really rated Devine (Pitch Perfect). He always grated against me BUT (thankfully) by the end, the pair won me over. They worked well together and there were moments where you could tell they were trying not to laugh.

Speaking of Dirty Grandpa, Plaza played the feisty foul mouthed slutty role yet again with pretty much the same results. Hilarious in one moment, annoying as hell the next. If anything she played the part better when she was trying to be serious.

I was surprised to see Little Miss Pitch Perfect Anna Kendrick tweaking on ecstasy and effin’ and jeffin’. A complete role change for her. The silly subplot in which her character dealt with her own wedding grief didn’t really come off as well as it should have. BUT once Kendrick was able to bring her schtick to the fold, she nailed it.

“Did you just push your t*ts up and say feminism?!” There was fun to be had and there were genuine moments where I laughed out loud as Mike and Dave met their match with the two ladies. Devine and Plaza were good together especially during Tatiana’s attempts to evade Mike’s advances.

The rest of the supporting cast were a mixed bag. Jake Johnson (New Girl) was completely wasted in his role. Anyone could have played him. Was he supposed to be a passing cameo or was the rest of his part edited in the cutting room? Shame.

Sam Richardson (Veep) never really got going as Jeanie’s boring groom-to-be Eric. Once he broke out of his shell, he was hilarious. Not enough. Sugar Lyn Beard was quite funny as the Stangle’s little sis Jeanie.

Kumail Nanjiani (Silicon Valley) was mental as the creepy masseuse that gave Jeanie “the VIP treatment” (Nudge, nudge, wink, wink). Swinging his nude carcass in like a wrecking ball. However, the entertaining sequence soon went too far and killed the fun.

Alice Wetterlund was really annoying as Mike and Dave’s lesbian Cousin Terry. Her quest to steal any girl away from Mike for fun. The problem was that it just wasn’t funny. Her attempts to “woo” Tatiana and a naked punch up in a spa was just terrible.

Stephen Root (Office Space) didn’t really deliver as the frustrated father. I wanted more of him. The film did try to explore the characters as they addressed their flaws. BUT it was just never going to be that kind of movie. It just dragged the piece and came off really corny. Especially when they didn’t really change that much anyway.

It was watchable and killed the time. The quad bike incident was brilliant – “You look like Burnt Victim Barbie and . . .  you’re Black Ken”. If these quotes aren’t grabbing you, then this movie won’t.

The finale was stupid, OTT BUT left a smile. If you’re in the mood for a silly crude comedy that fits the style of Dirty Grandpa then give it a go. BUT otherwise, don’t bother.

2.5/5

BAD NEIGHBOURS REVIEW

neighbours

Rogen vs Efron. Family vs Frat. Who Will Win? There’s only one way to find out . . . if you like that sort of thing.

Rogen’s best? Not even close. But is it funny? (The very purpose of a comedy). Did I laugh? Is it one of those movies where the best bits are in the trailers? Yes, yes, and unfortunately quite a bit. Once you’ve seen Rogen hurtled up in the air after sitting on a rigged chair involving an airbag, it gets old very quickly. Although Rogen creeping around the house with a broomstick did reprieve the gag. Surprisingly enough one of the heavily advertised gags wasn’t in the film. Back to my getting old quip. At it’s very core, the film is about a couple who have had their first child (the adorable Vargas twins) and are still trying to be cool and young. Beating the “constraints” that parenthood has apparently set on their “partying” lifestyles. In all fairness, there could have been a bigger examination into their relationship but it would have been an entirely different film.

A couple of well acted scenes make them a little more than a caricature couple. But come on, this is a fraternity freakshow involving Seth Rogen. He applies his slobby swearing spiel and luckily it still works. The whole slacking smoking pot thing is getting a little old. Rogen and Rose Byrne work well together and have good chemistry. It was good to see Rose Byrne (Damages) take off the serious shackles and lighten up. The scenes in which the Radners are trying to be cool with the kids is incredibly cringeworthy but nicely done. Others will say not funny, but that’s kind of the point as the pair battle to come to terms that its time to grow up. Or is it?

That soon gets thrown out of the window as low and behold the house next door is sold to a fraternity led by the charismatic and incredibly hench Zac Efron. (Just when I couldn’t hate him any more). Efron shakes off that squeaky clean High School Musical mould in one silk movement of his middle finger. Efron proves yet again to be a talented lead in a testosterone-pumped cast of fraternity frat boys. In all fairness, once Efron and Rogen meet, the film picks up. Their Batman impression off is worth watching alone. The getting high and taking shots scenes. Again, once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. Rogen and Efron in a drunken dance off. Better.

Once the rivalry is set and the pranks begin, the thin plot gets thrown out like Rogen on the airbag. Where we got Efron coming to terms that he may have wasted his college years partying and the Radners battling to accept parenthood, we soon get college humour, dicking around (No literally, Rogen and Efron at one point are slapping each other with giant dildos) in an inevitably corny and OTT fashion. The big punch up finale being an incredibly hilarious, if ridiculous scene. It’s all still enjoyable, if a little lazy. It’s a shame that the talented cast didn’t really make as much of an impact as you would hope. Lisa Kudrow (Friends) plays a useless dean, Carla Gallo (Bones/Superbad) is shoved in an irritating and useless role and Christopher “McLovin/The Motherfucker” Mintz-Plasse is highly unmemorable, simply squawking YOLO in a high pitched voice. Disappointing after so many great turns. Ali Cobrin (American Pie: American Reunion) and Halston Sage (The Bling Ring) were wasted as silly frat chicks. Shame.

It’s the smaller names that provide the funnier characters. Craig Roberts’ turn (you may remember him? Look again. Here’s a hint. Richard Ayoade’s Submarine. Yep) as the appropriately named Assjuice wasn’t bad. Just as we get rid of one Franco, we find out there’s another. Dave Franco (Now You See Me) was good and is proving to be one to watch. Up and coming stand up Jerrod Carmichael was hilarious as weed junkie Garf. The award for scene stealing support act goes to Ike Barinholtz (The Mindy Project) as Rogen’s neurotic best friend Jimmy. His impromptu one liners, bat shit crazy attitude and impeccable impressions of certain celebrities brings the film up a notch. The scene in which the frat house explain their origins and how they came across beer pong, the boot, etc was cheesy if funny and a lazy excuse to shove in a number of cameos from The Lonely Island and Jake Johnson (Nick from New Girl).

So in conclusion, do you like Rogen? Do you like Efron? Then bienvenue this film is for you. It’s big, dumb, silly, corny, OTT but brings the odd chuckle. Not a keg full but enough little shots to keep you buzzing 3 (just) out of 5!

Currently ranks #64 out of 175!