*NEW* BAYWATCH REVIEW *NEW*

Big, dumb and full of . . . sun.

Devoted lifeguard Mitch Buchannon (Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson) butts heads with a brash new recruit (Zac ‘High School Musical’ Efron), as they uncover a criminal plot that threatens the future of the bay.

From the director of Horrible Bosses. That should sum up your expectations in a nutshell. A loud, crude BUT (hopefully) entertaining flick.

And for a good portion of the running time, Baywatch was. Undeserving of the incredibly low ratings on Metascore. I’ve seen a lot, lot worse. BUT at that same stroke, I’ve seen a lot better.

The first 30-40 minutes was everything I hoped for. I don’t think this would have worked without The Rock. He carried the film with his charisma and ridiculous physique. Lapping up the silliness of it all. And almost making it work.

A man respected by the community. Doing everything to keep his bay safe while protecting his ‘family’ (the Baywatch team). Corny BUT watchable.

Efron played Brody brilliantly. He worked well with the Rock and they made a great duo.

The selfish Olympiad bumping heads with the head honcho spiel was predictable but engaging as the pair spewed childish insult after insult at each other.

As much as they poked fun at the silly plot line with drug deals and political corruption, it was really dull.

When the jokes and banter died down, there wasn’t much else and you really felt the pace; which was a little long at the tooth.

Of course, Baywatch was never going to win plaudits for groundbreaking cinema and mind-bending plots. It’s CSI on the beach with lots of beautiful people frolicking around in tight bikinis and shorts.

Putting my inadequate body to shame (He says piling in more crisps while writing this review).

I was a little disappointed with Alexandra Daddario’s (San Andreas) role. Her naff romance (If you can call it a subplot) with Brody didn’t really work. It was far too cheesy and the banter didn’t come off as well as it could have. Shame.

Jon Bass (Big Time in Hollywood) stole the show as Ronnie. The fumbling tech geek aspiring to be a lifeguard. Well, to work with one lifeguard, in particular. And no, it ain’t Mitch.

Wowewow, Pamela who?

Ronnie’s desperate attempts to woo CJ (Kelly Rohrbach) were hilarious and delivered some of the better laughs.

I haven’t really rated Hannibal Buress in the past BUT he was surprisingly funny as Ronnie’s pal. His commentary during Ronnie’s awkward encounters with CJ had me in stitches.

The meta-textual references were spot on. You can’t do a Baywatch reboot without the slo-mo.

The slo-mo gaffs worked but that joke soon overstayed its welcome. Especially when they started doing SUPER slow-mo. And by the time, a Baywatch icon made her introduction in the closing minutes, I was done.

Priyanka Chopra (Quantico) wasn’t in this enough.

No. Not just because she looked stunning. A proper femme fatale. Even Big Mitch was on edge.

“A Bond villainess? Not yet”. She played the part really well and chewed up the scenes BUT her screen time was reduced to nothing. Only to be brought back in the frantic and rushed finale!

It was watchable guff that killed the time.

Brody’s deluded theorizing with Mitch’s put downs was fun. The action sequences were well done.

The silent punch up in a nursery was fantastic as Mitch took on a henchman. Quietly spewing hushed threats, “You’re going night night b*tch” while slapping each other about with kids’ toys.

The morgue investigation was more of what I expected. Crude gags with a dead man’s appendage. Funny one liners and utter mayhem.

If anything I wanted more of that silliness and crude humour, the writers played the piece a little too much like a Baywatch episode.

I know I’m normally a cynical movie-goer BUT I would have been happy to watch The Rock jump off more burning yachts with insane rings of fire. Even watching Efron dive off a pier while racing a motorbike did the job.

The ending seemed rushed and too chaotic. It was as if the writers didn’t know what to do with it. The tone was all over the gaff and The Rock dropped the tough guy bravado for sheer buffoonery.

A mess.

BUT a fun one. Just.

3/5 (Just)

*NEW* BAD NEIGHBOURS 2: SORORITY RISING REVIEW *NEW*

“We’ve been Cosby’d!”

Bad. Just bad!

When their new next-door neighbours turn out to be a sorority even more debaucherous than the fraternity previously living there, Mac (Seth Rogen) and Kelly (Rose Byrne) team up with their former enemy, Teddy (Zac Efron) to bring the girls down.

Pretty much the exact same thing (just with a sorority) BUT a lot less funnier! Yikes.

I was surprised that a sequel was even green lit in the first place?! The first outing was watchable (At best) and delivered the odd laugh BUT it wasn’t that great.

As you could tell, I was a little skeptical before watching and the opening 20 minutes was actually quite funny and, for a moment, I wondered why people had torn into this? It was never going to win plaudits BUT it was silly college humour with all the old faces coming back.

However, it wasn’t long before my smile became a scowl as we drudged through the same old guff. You could relate to Shelby (A reasonable turn from Chloe Grace Moretz) and co as they conspire against the traditional sorority system. Creating their own society where anybody can join and do what they want.

Cue some silly spiel about sororities not being able to host parties (Google it! No, I didn’t either), a perfect property on the market, some crazy neighbours and we have . . . a dreadfully mediocre comedy.

Zac Efron didn’t do too badly and delivered the (little) laughs. Flashing his ridiculous six pack at any chance and not giving a fook.

It was great to see the old frat pack pop back up in this. Just a shame that it came with a silly subplot. As well as having to deal with the same old frustrations of not achieving any life goals, Teddy must come to terms with Pete’s (Dave Franco) “coming out” and impending marriage.

Look, I hate to be a stickler BUT didn’t Pete sleep with Teddy’s girlfriend in the first film as part of Mac and Kelly’s revenge ploy? Either way, his big gay wedding didn’t work and was lazy and unnecessary. You could understand Teddy’s childishness and refusal to grow up BUT we had all that in the first one.

Ike Barinholtz (Suicide Squad) was funny yet again as Mac’s retarded pal Jimmy. He stole the show every time. The only problem was that once he was united with Paula (Carla Gallo – Bones), he soon got on my nerves.

Her unfunny introduction wasn’t needed and brought nothing to the mix other than dropping a disgusting gag involving a baby foetus foot (Yep, you read that right).

Speaking of bad gags, the airbag gag died a death in the first movie. Bringing it back for a second time? Really? Come on! Cue another badly CGI’d Efron/Rogen flailing about in a car garage. Terrible.

Kelsey Grammer was great in his tragically short cameo as Shelby’s dad. Dr Crane knows how to get the laughs. Even Phoebe from Friends (Lisa Kudrow) got a titter with her “blink-and-you’ll-miss-it” appearance.

BUT things must have been getting desperate as I was actually pleading for Hannibal Buress (Daddy’s Home). I couldn’t stand him in the first film. He wasn’t funny and overstayed his welcome. This time around, I wanted more. The role reversal with the black police officers seizing white drug dealers was an unexpected satirical dig that delivered.

And if I’m not mistaken, I’m sure there was supposed to be more of him from the trailers. Well, none of it featured in the actual film.

Rogen and Byrne weren’t really in it as much as I thought. BUT don’t worry. They haven’t changed one bit (No, really. They do the exact same thing). It was a nice touch having the same child actors playing the adorable Stella. I couldn’t believe how much they had grown up in 2 years.

The sorority delivered a somewhat mixed response. Kiersey Clemons (Dope) and Beanie Feldstein were actually quite funny BUT I just wish the pranks were.

The girls dressing up as Minions and fumbling about like their Dreamwork counterparts? AWFUL! Making bold statements about sexism when performing an equally revolting gag compared to a fraternity doing the same thing? Surprisingly entertaining.

Prank calling Mac so he flies over to Sydney looking for his wife?

It really was miss more than hit with a finale that was a complete retread of the first. The drug and sex gags just didn’t cut it. I mean they only just got away with it the last time! And it ended so cornily that . . . I lost the brain cells to think of a clever insult.

BUT I’m sure it would have been better than this bilge. Hopefully there won’t be another.

2/5

*NEW* DADDY’S HOME REVIEW *NEW*

Daddy should have stayed away.

Marky Mark and Ron Burgundy take each other on in a mediocre reunion.

Stepdad, Brad Whitaker (Will Ferrell), is a radio host trying to get his stepchildren to love him and call him Dad. But his plans turn upside down when the biological father, Dusty Mayron (Mark Wahlberg) returns.

Not bad. If you’re expecting The Other Guys 2, you might be left a little disappointed. We open to a ridiculously OTT sequence with Ferrell’s sickly sweet Brad praising fatherhood. Well, step-fatherhood. He plays the dim-witted simpleton so well. It doesn’t even feel like the guy’s acting. He’s a natural. Happy to have a family even if his delightful step kids draw demented doodles of him with a knife in his head and “homeless man poop” for hair. His response? Relief. Relieved that he’s NO longer dead in the pictures.

It’s easygoing enough BUT not quite as laugh out loud or as engaging as I hoped. Things pick up when Wahlberg makes his introduction. The game afoot from the get go as Dusty leaves Brad waiting at the airport.

The pace dipped in and out as Brad’s naive step dad is repeatedly duped and manipulated by the ultra cool Dusty. The 12A rating restricted the pair from really pushing the envelope. I missed the random improv that they had in The Other Guys. Don’t get me wrong. They still had that chemistry and worked well off each other. If it wasn’t for them, I don’t think it would have worked.

The OTT stunts were stupid BUT delivered the laughs. Ferrell trying to showboat on a motorbike resorted in half the house being renovated. A back yard skate off drew some unexpected laughs BUT soon went on far too long. And that was the problem for me.

For every snappy one liner and crafty gag, there were a dozen duds. Thomas Haden Church’s (Sideways) radio producer was a mixed bag. If it wasn’t for his random stories that had no relevance, I would have cut him out altogether. The kids were funny. To be honest, they could have been in it more. The stunning Linda Cardellini (ER) was far too straight faced in this mad mess. The running gag with Griff (Hannibal Buress) the handyman overstayed its welcome like the character. Seriously, it really annoyed the hell out of me.

The whole “he’s better at you in every way” spiel was a little predictable. BUT that wasn’t to say that it didn’t deliver. Dusty’s fairy tale bed time story of the wicked step king wasn’t too bad and the endless battles to outdo each other on giving the kids presents or saying good night had a chuckle here and there.

Bobby Cannavale (Ant Man) was terrible in his cameo as a fertility doctor. Merely setting up a gag for the pair to draw swords (If you catch my drift). The recurring gag of Marky Mark without a shirt pops up yet again. It didn’t quite work as well as Date Night BUT I’m sure the ladies won’t be complaining. Performing crunches and lifts while Ferrell watches in awe.

Brad’s desperation to win the family back got the better laughs. His drunken meltdown at a basketball stadium had me in stitches. I may have shook my head at the nauseating father/daughter dance finale BUT I couldn’t resist the buffoonery of Wahlberg and Ferrell.

It did feel like a case of the “best bits in the trailer”. If you were lucky NOT to see them than it might be a bit more entertaining. It was all far too cheesy, OTT and a little slow at times. If NOT for Gamble and Hoitz, I mean Brad and Dusty, this would have been a write-off. It killed the time BUT not their best.

2.5/5