*NEW* THE FINEST HOURS REVIEW *NEW*

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Disney’s dullest hours, more like.

The Coast Guard makes a daring rescue attempt off the coast of Cape Cod after a pair of oil tankers are destroyed during a blizzard in 1952.

A great cast do their best to save this wishy-washy TV movie from being nothing more than a total wash-out. The opening didn’t get things going with a ridiculously cheesy first date between Pine’s Bernie Webber and Holliday Grainger’s Miriam. There was good chemistry between the pair BUT it was far too schmaltzy and frankly unnecessary.

It was strange to see Chris Pine (Star Trek) in a much more subdued role. A fresh change. BUT all the dancing and wedding proposal guff between the couple felt like nothing more than filler before the proper drama kicked off. Tragically, that took a good 30 minutes to happen.

From his fed up expressions and exasperated demeanour, I expected Casey Affleck (Gone Baby Gone) to deliver a really dull performance BUT he was actually quite good. You rooted for the chap as he did everything to keep the tanker from sinking. Michael Raymond-James (Once Upon A Time) was probably the only other memorable crew member. Even if he did play the stereotypical mutineer causing panic among the ranks.

BUT it was all far too corny and laughable. Graham McTavish (The Hobbit) bellowing cliched macho sentiments to generic and unmemorable supporting characters didn’t help. The Chinese whisper sequence with the crew sharing coordinates was unintentionally comical.

Considering the amount of stars in this; the characters were very weak. Pine did everything he could BUT he came off as such a shy simpleton that relied heavily on sheer luck. Miraculously finding the stranded tanker by feeling the waves. Really?

Eric Bana (Black Hawk Dawn) was completely wasted as Daniel Cluff. There was potential. A new captain unfamiliar with the terrain and struggling to control his men. BUT he was very much in the background. Other than sending a whimpering Miriam out into the cold, he was useless.

All the maritime jargon and endless wave surfing didn’t do anything to keep my interest. I was only really hooked when the tanker continued to plunge further into disarray BUT even the Perfect Storm-esque sequences soon dragged on. The CGI got increasingly worse as the little tug boat rode the cartoony waves. The camera work was difficult and disorienting. If the effect was to make you feel sea sick then well done.

This was supposed to be in 3D. Barely anything jumped out or grabbed my attention to warrant it. There wasn’t enough tension, suspense or drama to keep things afloat either. The corny sea songs and defiant speeches were far too cringe-inducing to be taken seriously. Grainger (The Borgias) was left wandering around in the snow with a dull subplot that dealt with a botched rescue from Burt’s past.

I couldn’t help BUT think of Cast Away as the rescue team battled the relentless waves. I realized that I was more engaged in seeing a mad man and his volleyball survive than the people in this flick. The closing act did (finally) deliver a watchable affair as the rescue attempt unfolded.

If the story was true then I couldn’t believe that a rag tag team of inexperienced sea men (Easy now) were able to defy such odds. BUT even after that tense little encounter, it all fizzled out rather quickly and flatly. Leading to a dreadfully dull and incredibly corny finale. The only real surprise that I got out of this was that this was a Disney movie.

Watchable. BUT I fear that if the cast weren’t attached to this then it would have been nothing more than a TV movie at best. Disappointing.

2.5/5

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PLASTIC REVIEW

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Surprisingly watchable and entertaining. Hardly original or groundbreaking. Pretty much a darker Hustled up Hollyoaks hybrid but with a likeable and talented young British cast, I can think of worst ways to kill 90-odd minutes.

I went in expecting the worst and was relieved. A watchable easygoing crime caper, even if the end result is predictably the same. Ed Speelers has finally found a project to show off his talents after a number of misfires; Eragon and ITV’s Echo Beach. Playing the charismatic lead Sam, desperate to make a quick buck, he leads a rag tag team of chosen criminals who inevitably end up messing with the wrong people. In all fairness, the first 20 minutes zipped along quite nicely with the little fraudsters starting off as little Del Boys, fobbing off stolen merch to stereotypical posh toffs at uni. Stereotypical if hilarious riffs on the Made in Chelsea numpties.

The team of grifters get a passion for plastic. Stealing credit card information and data to buy a lot of expensive jewellery and  harvest a lot of wonga. The ease in which the team obtain their data is scarily realistic; perfectly demonstrated in a petrol station sequence in which cameras are positioned perfectly to catch pins and fake machines. A crime that does need to stop as the world goes DPA crazy. The “subtle” social commentary on the fact that students who are studying their degrees or have achieved them are probably not going to get a job in that field is a harsh reality that I can relate to. But resorting to corporate espionage and card crime, meh, I’ll stick to blogging. The lazy jibes about the economic crisis wasn’t necessary. We’re all stuck in it. Been there. Can’t afford the t-shirt. Felt like a mere excuse to help justify the cockney rebels’ cause.

However, the team soon rip off the wrong man, the ever reliable slithery Thomas Kretschmann (Dracula/Wanted). Not enough of him to be honest but he manages to make a mark. Hardly Brick Top from Snatch but impressionable none the same. He gives them a deadline of two weeks to pay up a £2 million “compensation” fee, leading to one massive, crazy, can’t-believe-it-but-apparently-a-true-story, con. Will Poulter (We’re the Millers/Son of Rambo) was arguably overshadowed. And for some reason, the lad had not grown up enough to carry the conviction his character craved. In one scene, the gruff gangster worked, the other he seemed more like he was doing one of his performances in School of Comedy. He delivers some of the more comical one liners. I mentioned overshadowed as one culprit in particular steals every scene and that goes to old Theon Lovejoy (prefer that comparison to sibling of Lily Allen) Alfie Allen.

Allen has always been able to play the shady, slick faced shithead but he does it so well and delivers yet again as the volatile Yatesey. A necessary, if untrustworthy, evil. A ticking timebomb waiting to explode. The beautiful eye candy, I mean, Emma Rigby (Hollyoaks) doing her best to be nothing more than a stocky love interest. I couldn’t believe that Graham McTavish (Dwalin from The Hobbit franchise) was in this, playing the ridiculous OTT and gullible mark to perfection, lapping up every minute.  It was great to see Ashley Chin (Starred Up) and Robbie Gee (speaking of Snatch) in somewhat limited roles. But talented enough to stand out. And Malese Jow. I only ever remember her from that Nickelodeon show Unfabulous. Wow. Stunning. But perverted comments aside, she plays the supporting role well. Sebastian De Souza (Skins/The Borgias) was originally quite a funny character and you did feel for him as he is rewarded the more irritating gigs but his character soon gets quite annoying and luckily subsides into the background. Shame.

As Sam says at the start of the film, “it’s not how it started but how it ends. How you got there”. And that’s a little bit of the problem, the start was highly watchable and once the con gets going, the plot holes start appearing and once the crazy Mission Impossible costume work comes into it, well it all gets a little silly. There were missed opportunities; most notably in Sam’s recruiting techniques. Intriguing at first, it soon didn’t surmount to anything by the end, without spoiling too much. And when I say, silly. The strange overuse of slow motion by the end of the film was irritating. I mean, a tense build up to an inevitable shoot out sequence borders on parody by the end, with people being shot left right and centre, then popping back up like they have been re-spawned in a game of Call of Duty.

Arguably this could have been a TV movie but in comparison to the bigger budgeted and supposedly more talented counterparts that have been released this year, this fares reasonably well. More so for me as a movie aficionado after an atrocious April of one star cinematic car crashes. Enough to stay afloat. At this moment, I’m looking for films that are watchable and this one falls into it. If you’re expecting Lock, Stock then you will be disappointed. I’m glad that this didn’t try to be, it’s better for it at that sense. But maybe a little of that ambition would have helped it fare a bit better and all. It’s 3 (just) out of 5 for me!

Currently ranks #86 out of 170!