*NEW* GREEN ROOM REVIEW *NEW*

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This should have stayed in the cutting room.

A punk rock band is forced to fight for survival after witnessing a murder at a neo-Nazi skinhead bar.

An intriguing premise hampered by an agonising pace, lack of suspense and interesting characters. A shame that this will be remembered as one of Anton Yelchin’s last works.

The opening 20 minutes felt like a completely different film. Having not read anything about the film beforehand and going in only on hype, I thought I was watching a gritty indie drama with Yelchin’s punk rock band The Ain’t Rights struggling to gain fandom or even a gig.

Squatting in a fan’s apartment and siphoning fuel out of cars to keep their mini-van going. Their bohemian lifestyle and music escaping the suffocating realms of social media. Trying to make it the old fashioned way.

Despite the meandering pace, I would have been much happier to watch this subplot than the actual story that unfolded.

This could have been the perfect platform for some underrated actors to shine; Alia Shawkat (Arrested Development), Joe Cole (Peaky Blinders) and Mark Webber (Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World) BUT alas it was not to be.

They did their best with the wafer thin characters BUT it just wasn’t enough.

The tension bubbled away nicely when the band arrived at a neo-Nazi bar. I cringed at the uncomfortable atmosphere as if I was there. “If you back out, I’ll tell them you’re Jewish”. Especially when the first song was “Nazi Punks, F*ck off!”.

However, it wasn’t the nerve wracking gig where the problem lied. It was the body waiting for them in the green room.

Cue a dull and dreary nihilistic slow burner that not even Captain Picard could save.

The band are soon thrown into an Assault on Precinct 13 situation with the skinheads desperate to remove all witnesses.

A stand-off that should have been tense and suspenseful. Initially for 15 minutes or so, it was.

I kept waiting for Patrick Stewart to appear. He was a nasty piece of work and really carried the piece when it tragically dragged. His presence missed in every scene. Even if his mangled accent sounded like a Deep South Gandalf.

BUT from all the hype, you’d think that critics have never seen play him a bad guy before. Conspiracy Theory, anyone? Hell, Star Trek for crying out loud (Resistance is futile!).

It really was a waiting game BUT one that was frustrating me. The squabbling and escape attempts were feeble.

The inevitable unfolding as each band member was picked off one by one (and quite graphically).

When the pit bulls were released on the unsuspecting prisoners, my grumbling ceased as Yelchin’s Pat tried to outwit the relentless skinheads.

Other than Stewart, Macon Blair (Blue Ruin) was probably the only other supporting character to make an impression as the conflicted underling. Desperate to keep a handle on the situation as it escalated beyond his control.

Yelchin did his best and was a charismatic lead. His reunion with Imogen Poots (Fright Night) could have been so much more.

She really got on my nerves and her character only really got going in the final moments when it was too little, too late.

There was only going to be two outcomes with this situation and either way I wasn’t interested by the time the end result arrived. I just wasn’t invested in it.

There were moments to be had BUT a few tense scenes compiling 15 minutes does NOT a good movie make.

Dreadful. Move on from this bore-fest!

2/5

HOT TUB TIME MACHINE 2 REVIEW

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I’d rather have had a shotgun to the d**k than endure this again . . .

That’s what I thought I was going to say.

“What is it? It’s like it’s some kind of . . . hot tub time machine”. Cue the cheeky look at the camera from Craig Robinson.

I literally watched the first installment hours before viewing this. My friends couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it. For all the hype, I expected more.

It wasn’t bad. It was nowhere as stupid as I thought it would be. BUT it got me laughing and for the right reasons. Something I haven’t been able to say for some time.

And now a sequel. Five years later and no Cusack, was it even needed? Did it manage to entertain or did we have a mindless re-tread of the same old thing but just not as good?

Well, we did have a re-tread of the same old thing but it still just about did the job.

When Lou (Rob Corddry) finds himself in trouble, Nick (Craig Robinson) and Jacob (Clark Duke) fire up the hot tub time machine in an attempt to get back to the past. But they inadvertently land in the future with Adam Jr (Adam Scott). Now they have to alter the future in order to save the past – which is really the present.

It never felt like we left them. Lou is reaping the benefits of changing the future by owning Lougle (Not Google) and the word, Um.

Um . . . You owe me money!

Nick is still having problems with his wife, Courtney. Yeah, that annoyed me the first time round but hey at least he’s a music mogul. Delivering hit after stolen hit. I gotta feeling. “Wait a minute. I think I got a song coming”.

While Jacob is wandering around a giant mansion, dressed as a butler and dealing with the fact that Lou is his father.

Corddry was everything you expected. Loud, in your face, mental and a little irritating to begin with. Just like the first one. I think that was kind of the point but he really did go on.  I prayed for something to happen to him.

Luckily, something did. For proper Hot Tub fans, the result was exactly what you’d expect. There was a lazy red herring sub plot going on in the background (Without spoiling too much) that was so boring and predictable. BUT it wasn’t long before the guys were back in the tub and causing more havoc.

I loved all the little in-jokes. You could say it was lazy but it worked. I would recommend you see the first one to understand some of the better gags. The massive squirrel statue might go over people’s heads.

As soon as the guys are getting wasted in the tub, it ticked all the boxes. The snappy one liners, the funny insults, the random mascot, Chevy!

Chevy is looking old. To be honest, his cameo was literally 30 seconds. I was hoping he would pop up throughout like the first one BUT with Jacob stocked up with the “Know How” (The “know how” being his encyclopedic knowledge of sci-fi movies), it did deem him a little unnecessary. It was still good to see ol’ Clark Griswald.

“Everything is always Terminator!” The endless sci-fi movie references to explain the timey wimey guff definitely played up my nerd side; Fringe, Looper, Back to the Future. That definitely got a titter or two out of me. “Nerrd, nerrrd and no one likes you”.

Sorry! Robinson and Corddry’s improvised nerd song every time Jacob discussed some plot exposition is a joke I know I’ll be using on my mates for the foreseeable future.

The film constantly toys with the appearance of Cusack. But I will warn you now, there is definitely NO John Cusack. His non-appearance and the constant promise of his return was as disappointing as Charlie Sheen’s no show in the Two and a Half Men finale.

I was disappointed that Cusack wasn’t in it for at least a blink and you’ll miss it cameo. I didn’t think his character was that funny but he seemed to be the anchor that weighed down this drug induced voyage from going out and out bonkers! I also expected Crispin Glover to appear with some hand related shenanigans. NO! Nadda not a zip!

Gillian Jacobs (another Community regular after Griswald) was pretty . . . good. What? She played Adam Jr’s ditsy fiance well and delivered the finest movie title reference punch line EVER! No SPOILERS but bravo!

It was a bit hokey and incredibly lazy in how they roped Adam’s son into the mix but luckily there was enough rapid one liners and shenanigans to take your attention off it.

Adam Scott managed to make his bland character a lot funnier and memorable than I expected. His taste of a new superdrug and his “God like” abilities were ludicrous, stupid but funny as hell.

The future backdrop was ripe for opportunities. The problem is they seem to go for the predictable ones. The drugs, the booze, the birds. Still funny to watch but it felt a little too much like the first.

A virtual simulation challenge in a demented reality TV show called ‘Choozy Doozy’ (a show in which the audience sets a challenge and the celebrity must do it) managed to out-gross a certain bathroom bet scene in Hot Tub. Oh yeah, that’s right. If you don’t know what I mean, good luck. Disgusting but so funny!

Hot Tub 2 cranks it up to 11. For some, it will be a breath of fresh air. For others, they’ll pull a face like they’ve just discovered a foul smell.

BUT the guys still kept it watchable. The endless “You look like . . .” gags shouldn’t have worked but they did. “You like Gandalf the poor!”, “You like you should be advising Lando Clarissian”.

The banter was on point. Lou and Jacob’s constant put downs of Nick’s future hit, “The Webber Strutt” comparing his dance moves to dick picking from a tree got a snort from this nerd.

The whole futuristic auto-piloted Smart Cars that fed off people’s emotions was an interesting concept. The thought of a car taking a hit out on Lou was funny to start with but it never really went anywhere. And then you realise, hang on. Lou is trying to be killed by a car. What?!

The last 20 minutes or so did go on. It got a whole lot crazier, a whole lot sillier (Adam Jr’s balls swell up from a sustained superdrug overdose. Cue a syringe, swearing and lots of liquid. YUCK!) and REPETITIVE.

It fizzed out and ended so ridiculously corny by the end. Lou coming to accept that he is a terrible husband, father, etc. Boo hoo. Cue an inevitable father/son confrontation with Jacob. It’s all so hammy. Look, I know the time travelling concept was always THE joke but the plot holes were just terrible.

It was reprieved slightly by an unexpected ending (that definitely hints at another) and a credit sequence that matched 22 Jump Street in bonkersville!

It doesn’t deserve the low rating it received on IMDb. It’s big, dumb, rude and stupid. BUT it delivered the laughs and killed the time. NOT perfect by any means BUT if you’re up for a laugh, it ain’t half bad.

2.5/5

THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG REVIEW

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The desolation of the competition so far.

A visual cinematic feast for the eyes. Jackson unleashes a beast of a blockbuster. They’ve done it again darker and moodier than ever.

Brilliant storytelling, a great cast and breath-taking visual effects. Film of the year? Saving the best ‘til last? If we got anything to go by with the films this month then definitely.

Now I haven’t read the Hobbit (What?!). However, I was familiar with the original LOTR trilogy and found Jackson faithful in his adaptation. There does appear to be a divide in the critical reception of the Hobbit trilogy. Some found An Unexpected Journey inconsequential. Personally I enjoyed it and saw it as a great indicator of things to come.

Jackson expanded the story and enabled a bigger exploration of the mythology of the Tolkien universe on a much more extravagant scale. From speaking with fans of the book, this installment remarkably remains very faithful, complimenting the source material.

The film carries on from the last with the company being pursued by Orcs. The ring is already starting to take a hold on Bilbo and Gandalf is forced to do some investigating at Dol Guldur.

The cast are back and in fine form. Not to mention some additional characters to the ever-expanding line up and a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Hitchcockian cameo from Peter Jackson. The return of Orlando Bloom as Legolas, provided an extra story line which broke up the action. His exchange with Gloin delivered a perfect in-joke for any LOTR fan.

Martin Freeman’s mannerisms and traits were spot on yet again. We were also introduced to a new character Tauriel played by the stunning Evangeline Lilly, who soon becomes embroiled in a love triangle between Kili and Legolas (Yes, Lost fans. Kate is at it again).

Others have found Jackson’s new method of 48 frames per second manic, and at times, nauseating. Undermining the animation and making it appear cartoony. I didn’t find this to be the case. If anything it helped differentiate the trilogy and bring forth a new cinematic style.

The barrel escape was a fantastically riveting and brilliantly executed sequence. This film made me regret the decision to see this in 2D. The special effects and detail on Smaug (performed with perfection by Cumberbatch) was incredible. The minutiae was superb. The golden coins falling like rain off the monster’s metallic skin.

Despite being breathtaking, funny and suspenseful, the pace did test me. And I’m not surprised at a whopping 2 hours 40 minutes. Is there a rule that every LOTR film has to be three hours or something?

I was a little disappointed that more wasn’t made out of the dwarf company. When they were allowed to shine, they delivered. I know it’s difficult with such a big cast BUT the majority of them were either pushed into the background or forgotten about altogether.

Apart from that, an astounding piece of work. I was baffled when I first heard that The Hobbit would be made into a trilogy. I remember ranting about the money hungry production companies for trying to milk a great piece of fiction from a great author. BUT now I cannot wait to see what Jackson has in store for the third and final installment.

4/5