*NEW* DEADPOOL REVIEW *NEW*

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Stupid, ridiculous, violent and . . . not bad at all.

I couldn’t think of anybody better than “God’s Perfect Idiot” to take on the iconic role of everybody’s new favourite foul mouthed anti-hero.

How many chances can Ryan Reynolds have bringing a comic book character to the silver screen? Thankfully third time’s the charm.

A fast-talking mercenary with a morbid sense of humor is subjected to a rogue experiment that leaves him with accelerated healing powers and a quest for revenge.

From the mental opening sequence, I knew what I was getting myself into. A lewd, crude, brutal BUT incredibly funny shoot em up.

The way people were raving about Deadpool; you would have thought you’ve never seen Ryan Reynolds shout and scream profanities!

The film swiftly flicked back and forth between Deadpool’s relentless revenge spree to his “unconventional” love story with the feisty hooker Vanessa (Morena Baccharin – Homeland).

I couldn’t resist laughing at Reynold’s quick witted one liners and smart ass insults while he clocked up the body count. This role really was made for him.

To be honest, the film only really lost momentum when it tried to take itself more seriously.

The pace lagging when we got to the origin stuff. Sorry, the NEW origin stuff. 

Apparently we’re supposed to forget about Deadpool’s origin story in X-Men Origins: Wolverine now. Especially during Wade’s experimentation.

Completely breezed over that little question with silly (BUT hilarious) meta-textual references. Reynolds even had a pop at himself with a Green Lantern gag for good measure.

I know we had to see the humble beginnings of this quick witted mad man BUT no matter how many sly digs, gags and 4th Wall breaking, you couldn’t hide the fact that it was the same old cliched story.

As much as Baccarin and Reynolds had great chemistry and the cheesy luvvy duvvy exchanges were replaced with messed up foreplay and a year long bonkathon montage to commemorate their romance, it was still boy meets girl.

“Oh, that’s because it’s Christmas Day Dopinder and I’m looking for someone on my naughty list!”.

I was actually more interested in the naive cabbie Dopinder’s (Karan Soni) subplot. Coaxed into ferrying Pool around on his vengeance-seeking killing spree.

I’ve never really rated Ed Skrein’s acting (The Transporter Refuelled) but he played the maniacal “British villain” Francis quite well. The man that made Deadpool; “A penis with teeth”.

Gina Carano (Haywire)’s delivery may have been colder than Colossus’ steel BUT she nailed the hard ass (and ironically titled) Angel Dust a treat.

T.J. Miller (Silicon Valley) was good as the Comic Relief BUT there wasn’t enough of him. 

The same could be said for Deadpool’s blind crackhead roomie Blind Al (Leslie Uggams).

The pair’s bickering over IKEA furniture while gunning up for battle was hysterical!

“It’s like the studio couldn’t get another X-Men”. I’m not going to lie. I’ve never read the comic books. I wasn’t aware that Deadpool existed in the same universe as the X-Men. 

Shock horror. It was great to see Colossus the metallic bad ass that owned the opening sequence from X-Men: Days of Future Past get a little more screen time.

We were even introduced to a new face; the moody emo-looking Negasonic Teenage Warhead (played brilliantly by Brianna Hildebrand). 

The unlikeliest crime fighting trio I’ve seen so far.

It was funny watching Deadpool ‘refusing the call’ to be an X-Men. Evading capture from Colossus by cutting his own hand off. Ouchie. God knows how he would fit in with that mad bunch?!

The shoot em ups and fighting sequences were brilliantly choreographed and deliciously gory. 

I just wish the deaths were a little more creative. Spelling enemies’ names with bodies, yes! Kicking a guard’s amputated head to disarm another guard, yes!

BUT once you’ve seen ol’ Pool slice and dice through a dozen bodies, it got a little repetitive. 

BUT despite it’s flaws, it was a breath of fresh air to see a film openly rip and poke fun at the endless superhero entries that are relentlessly bombarding the big screen. 

It really was a mad riot with Reynolds on fine form.

If that sounds like your kind of thing, then it won’t disappoint. 

I’m sure I don’t have to say it BUT please persevere through the credits for a little treat. Chicka chika!

3.5/5

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*NEW* KILL YOUR FRIENDS REVIEW *NEW*

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Hoult delivers a killer performance. Shame. The rest of the film didn’t.

An A&R man (Nicholas Hoult) working at the height of the Britpop music craze goes to extremes in order to find his next hit.

He’s come a long way from About A Boy. Channeling his inner Patrick Bateman, Nicholas Hoult kills in this patchy BUT strangely watchable satire.

The demented opening sequence certainly set the tone. You knew what you were getting yourself into. Hoult’s cocky snake charmer had a hypnotic effect. He really carried the piece. Casually talking about how bad music has gotten while shooting up cocaine and urinating on a trampy looking James Corden.

You read that, right? Disgusted. Then this won’t be for you. That was just the tip of the iceberg. Stelfox is a monster. He has NO remorse and will NOT stop. Ambitious doesn’t even come close to describing how far the man will go to climb up the ladder.

The film gave an American Psycho meets 24 Hour Party People vibe. I’m NOT familiar with the John Niven novel BUT I will certainly be adding this to my reading list. Unfortunately book lovers, I can’t make comparisons. BUT when does a film ever top a book?

I did feel a little nostalgic as the film went back to the 90s indie scene. Junkie XL delivers another decent soundtrack. NOT quite Mad Max proportions BUT with Blur, Oasis and The Prodigy on the playlist, I was content.

The insults aimed at the music industry hit too close to home. Most notably with Moritz Bleibtrau’s (Run Lola Run) eccentric performance as the sex craved Eurotrash DJ Rudi. A derivative club anthem breaking the charts left, right and centre with some lazy bass and repetitive lyrics. Music really hasn’t changed.

Stelfox’s preaching about integrity and authentic music soon laughed off when he gets a nice pay check from signing the mad desk jockey. BUT at the same time, it did feel a tad dated with all the A & R scouting and sound house gigs. Not many sound houses going around my neck of the woods any more.

With Stelfox constantly breaking the fourth wall and narrating, it reminded me a little of Filth BUT the subject matter just wasn’t as controversial or satirical enough. His obsession to beat a rival A & R scout (Tom Riley – Da Vinci’s Demons) was ridiculous. Resorting to all sorts of desperate measures.

Hoult was a tour de force BUT after a while, there wasn’t much else going on. Once he snorted and swallowed some drugs here and effed and jeffed there, it soon got very repetitive. Despite being a great platform for an underrated British cast, they weren’t given the best characters. Craig Roberts (Submarine) might as well have been non-existent as Stelfox’s underling. Whether that was the intention is another matter. Edward Hogg’s (Bunny and the Bull) dimwitted detective was irritating. Every time he stumbled into a scene, I could feel my interest waning.

Corden was wasted in his role. He looked the part BUT was pushed into the background for the majority of the film. The only real laugh I got out of his character Waters was that despite Stelfox’s best efforts to destroy his reputation, the powers that be were still considering him due to experience.

Ed Skrein delivered a much more convincing turn than his performance in The Transporter Refueled as Rent. The self-made manager trying to find the next Spice Girls in a group of Jeremy Kyle rejects. Georgia King’s (Cockneys Vs. Zombies) didn’t do a bad job as Stelfox’s manipulative PA. It was a shame that her character only got interesting in the closing minutes when it was too little, too late.

The only problem with these sort of films was that there was only ever going to be two outcomes. And despite a ridiculously crazy and bizarre drug-induced finale, the end result was still a little too predictable and abrupt for my liking.

The pace may have lagged and the plot a little weak. BUT a stellar turn from Hoult makes this dark mess worth a watch.

3/5 (Just)

*NEW* THE TRANSPORTER REFUELLED REVIEW *NEW*

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The Transporter returns rebooted, recast and rehashed.

In the south of France, former special-ops mercenary Frank Martin (Ed Skrein) enters into a game of chess with a femme-fatale (Loan Chabanol) and her three sidekicks who are looking for revenge against a sinister Russian kingpin (Radivoje Bukvic).

I can remember watching the first Transporter. It was violent, fast, furious and with that bald chap from Lock, Stock. It was a cult action flick. Unfortunately they had to make more of them. Okay, Transporter 2 may have pushed it but it was an enjoyable thrill ride. And the less we say about Transporter 3, the better. Well, that was until I saw this.

I could see why a fresh start was needed. BUT why on Earth would Luc Besson give a reboot to the director that killed the franchise in the first place? I didn’t realise how big a void Jason Statham would leave. It wasn’t just his physical presence. His deadpan style. His humour. The guy can generally make the naffest lines sound cool.

The opening of this shambolic affair did everything to grab my attention with people being shot left, right and centre. It also flicked back and forth as we follow Anna (Chabanol) preparing her revenge on her handler. A plan ten years in the making.

Anna was probably the most interesting character in the whole piece. Only giving Frank little tidbits of her master plan. It may have been the same old guff. The young migrant forced into prostitution after the false promise of a new life. BUT she kept things watchable.

If anything, she made Frank Martin the supporting character in his own story. And the supporting ladies may have looked nice BUT they had no depth or character at all. Their sole purpose to be Stevenson’s lapdogs while they held him hostage.

From the moment the “resurged” Frank Martin made his introduction, I cringed. He may have looked the part. BUT for every cool punch and kick, Skrein’s horrific delivery would spew a cheesy one liner that just sounded terrible. It was laughable for all the wrong reasons. The car park scene (A complete rip off of Transporter 2 by the way) was cliched to death.

The story line was terrible. What didn’t help was the shoddy time frame. The writers’ maths must have gone out the window because this film was set in the year 2000. Considering this was supposed to be a reworking into the present day? Hmmm . . . By the end though, I couldn’t care less.

One thing director Camille Delamarre can deliver is set pieces. His only saving grace. The airport sequence was sheer bloody bonkers. The car chases were fast and furious. Even if the bank heist opener was a complete rehash of the first film. The only thing that infuriated me was the use of CGI. It wasn’t needed. It just spoiled the stunts for me.

It didn’t help that for every decent set piece, there was a hammy piece of dialogue or dull storytelling. Martin slamming his Audi into crawl mode and beating up all the baddies blocking his way. YES! Bickering to his dad about women and being late. NO!

That’s what really annoyed me. The Stath’s Martin tried to stick to the rules. Skrein never did. He kept changing the rules and was late every time. The iconic character’s gimmick and they messed it up. Gutted.

Chabanol and Skrein didn’t work too badly. They had good chemistry BUT I felt their love scene was forced. It was rushed and wasn’t necessary. Just like Stath and Shu Qi’s little tete-a-tete. Any excuse for a bit of skin.

I liked the mystery around Martin in the original. I could respect the attempt to bring in a different angle to his character BUT it just didn’t work. The endless bickering and “banter” between Skrein and Ray Stevenson’s father figure was terrible. It just made me miss Francois Berleand’s Inspector Tarconi. And Stevenson? What on Earth was he playing at? I’m sure he had fun and gave it a good old go. BUT he came off as a right old lech.

Radivoje Bukvic was a terrible villain. He failed to make any real impression. To be honest, Noemie Lenoir’s character did a better job. And no! Not just because she’s a model. I actually thought she was running things. She was doing a whole lot more than him. And put up more of a fight!

A steaming mess. I think they should let this sleeping dog lie. Laughable and cringe-inducing. If not for some cracking action scenes and one interesting character, this would have got nil points from me.

A rebooted franchise that was never needed and never wanted. No Stath? I lose faith.

2/5