DEVIL’S DUE REVIEW

movies-devils-due-international-poster

The end is nigh. Well, the end for the horror genre. Extreme? Hardly. Needed. Damn right! Another example of a regurgitated, predictable, lazy, teen horror movie that desperately attempts to reap from the Paranormal Activity hype. But let’s be honest, that hype died after the first one. Paranormal Activity was a treat, an actual creepy, tension builder, that recreated and improved what the overrated handy-cam trend setter The Blair Witch Project set out. However, too many movies have popped their ugly heads out from that craze and I pray that this be the last but unfortunately the true horror is that it won’t be.

Here we follow cutesie newlyweds Zach (Zach Gilford, you may recognise him. It’s Matt Saracen from the hit TV show Friday Night Lights) and Sam (Alison Miller. Que? Well she was in Terra Nova, the ridiculously expensive prehistoric dino turd that got cancelled. Bad example?) as they get married (Awww. Vom!). Seriously, someone emptied all the whole Parmesan tin on this. They go on an exotic Brazilian honeymoon, get lost, get drunk, suspect taxi driver recommends strange place but takes them before they can say, “Wait a minute”. And that last drink, oh that inevitable last drink instead leading to you being passed out on the bathroom floor, poor Sam gets impregnated by a Satanic cult.

The shoddy hand held camera work is incredibly irritating. It’s like watching my Dad film. Frantically going all over the place and badly out of focus. Did my eyes in. What made me laugh was that it was supposed to be from Zach’s camera. And when it wasn’t, it would switch from other people’s cameras, mobile phones and CCTV. However, they must have given up on the idea because there were several moments where they being watched without the “different cameras”. The usual by the numbers build up started little bumps in the night to strange behaviour leading to an obvious if incredibly ear piercing finale (I mean the screaming. Jesus! We get it, she’s giving birth to Satan or is she? Thanks to a frankly pointless plot hole) , that reeked of every mediocre Paranormal Activity sequel. 

The main issue is that either the writers and producers either have never seen Rosemary’s Baby and inadvertently delivered a poor modern day rehash of it or they knew what they were doing which is even more tragic. It’s watchable, only in the hope that you want something to happen. It is incredibly boring for a film that is only 88 minutes long. I couldn’t even argue that was slowburning, leading to an epic conclusion. When the scares do happen, they are limited, predictable and not even jumpy. Jumpy seems to be the only tactic that these films go for. Not genuine tension, good characters that you actually care whether they live or die and actual scares. 1 out of 3 would have sufficed. I jumped more when I was dropping off and the dog barked. Only genuine scare maestro going in this flailing effort. The plot holes came thick and fast. Nothing was explained. SPOILERS! The cult members crept into the house so easily? The blade? What was the deal with that? Why didn’t the little girl say anything after the creepy outburst from Sam that was borderline Exorcist? NO, NO, NO.

In conclusion, a dreadfully dull diabolical demon of a dud. 1.5/5. I’m putting that at #124 out of 128! If anything, the message this film conveys is don’t go abroad and don’t get in a taxi. Brilliant!

Advertisements

WALKING WITH DINOSAURS MOVIE REVIEW

movies-walking-with-dinosaurs-poster

What a pile of . . . That was HorRAAWWWrendous. You know that scene in Jurassic Park where Laura Dern’s character was fishing through that triceratop’s excrement? Yeah, well the people who made this, must have done a similar process to make a film that bears similar properties. You get the idea? Good? A little extreme? Maybe. What infuriates me is that family movies are always outstanding examples to go by because they always have something for everyone. Unfortunately parents; if you are dragged to this particular film, grab your phones, Kindles, iPods and let the 80 minutes rush through. This will keep the little ‘uns happy, after all it is dinosaurs!

The opening scene is incredibly corny in which a frustrated teen doesn’t want to help excavate fossils with his uncle, played by the wasted (waste of talent. Not wasted, drunk. Although he must have been to accept this. That or the money) Karl Urban. The teen is left sulking by the car and along comes a talking crow, voiced by John  Leguizamo (who voiced Sid in the vastly superior and coincidentally prehistoric Ice Age Franchise). The lad doesn’t have time to question why a crow is talking to him (if he’s talking to him, is it a Stewie from Family Guy thing?) before he tells a story of his ancestors cue a million year flashback to the runt Pachyrhinosaurus of the litter, Patchi (voiced by Justin Long) as he rises through the ranks of his herd and goes on a journey of love, loss and . . . the usual rubbish.

Considering the cast of voices supporting these wonderfully animated creatures, they are incredibly annoying and spew constant verbal diarrhea of cliched, corny lines that grate and make you tut and sigh. The visual world that is created, is stunning to watch. Unfortunately our cinema did not feature the 3D version but you could see how much better the film would have been for it. The voices call out every dinosaur that comes across the screen. However, the screen decides to pause and they are then labelled and read out by kids. It was completely unnecessary. Even the young ‘uns knew what the dinos were! It kept breaking up what little action there was. Strangely, the parental figures do not speak, somewhat Charlie Brown-ish? Why? I do not know.

For every good gag or one liner, there are dozens of bad ones. The fact the dinos admire a beautiful natural landscape and the Leguizamo voiced bird quickly replies, “Don’t admire it too much. It’s a future oil fill site”. Good. But that is soon let down by a ridiculous and corny OTT soundtrack of generic pop songs. For example, Patchi sees the love of his life cue Barry White. Laughable, but for all the wrong reasons. The animated breakdown of the Gorgosaurus (T-rex) had some interesting facts but was voiced by irritating commentary. A little joke about their small hands soon goes on way too long. The film skims through plot points and cliches and pretty much covers the same old flawed story of Disney’s Dinosaur (in comparison, a much more enjoyable  and that was better than this. and the commentary gets more and more irritating; “Weeks turned into weekends and weekends turned into long weekends, you get the picture”. Unfortunately, yes. There is a typical story of loss that is not really explained very well nor was it needed (without spoiling the film, despite not being a fan). And the point of the family at the beginning to cue a story from a crow was unnecessary.

To be honest, I would be preferred to see that story. I couldn’t help but feel that was a lazy corny Americanized 3D adaptations of a fantastic television series. To be honest, it was a big of an insult. Would have been easier just to give the original series the 3D treatment. Sorry but this a big NO from me. See Ice Age, or go back and watch Jurassic Park or the original WWD series. Please bring back Jurassic Park! 1/5.

Currently ranked #120 out of 123!