*NEW* THE INFILTRATOR REVIEW *NEW*

Terrible title for a terrible movie. Not even Heisenberg could save this cold and disjointed crime thriller. Watch Narcos instead.

A U.S. Customs official (Bryan Cranston – Breaking Bad) uncovers a money laundering scheme involving Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar.

A meandering and uninteresting crime biopic. Shame. Let’s start with the positives (That will be about a paragraph).

The opening was engaging enough as we watched agent Robert Mazur in play (Even if it was Hal in a badly dyed wig and tash). I couldn’t believe the number of British actors popping up in small (and tragically meaningless) roles; Daniel Mays (Dad’s Army), Leanne Best (Line of Duty) and Joseph Gilgun (Misfits).

I was intrigued as Mazur had to fake a heart attack to cover up the fact that the bug he was wearing was actually frying his chest. You could feel for the chap as retirement reared its ugly head. Desperately seeking one operation, one bust that will truly make a dent on this relentless drug war.

It was interesting to see the strain that the scheme took on Mazur’s wife. Juliet Aubrey (The Constant Gardener) and Bryan Cranston had good chemistry. At first, Evelyn was understanding and supportive as Bob confides in her every detail BUT as he delves deeper into the underbelly and his cover became entwined with his personal life, things began to take their toll.

An uncomfortable anniversary dinner took a turn for the worse as the couple bump into one of Mazur’s targets. A moment involving a birthday cake was probably one of the best scenes in the film. Cranston was able to show why he won all those Emmys and highlight the pressure of keeping two personas.

It was a little disappointing that the momentum couldn’t be carried. The agonizing pace really didn’t help the piece. There were good portions of the film that dragged unnecessarily.

I’m not sure whether it was a case of writer Ellen Sue Brown sticking too close to the original novel based on Mazur’s life BUT it really wasn’t an interesting one. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to establish that Escobar was filtering his money through America and various places around the world. Once we witnessed Bob initiate a few shady deals and droll out some financial statistics, there wasn’t much else on offer.

John Leguizamo’s character was the most interesting one as the unstable Emir Abreu. BUT he still annoyed the hell out of me. The banter and one liners not quite jumping out at you and coming off flat and unfunny. BUT at least his character got things going. Introducing Mazur to the very underworld he wants to bring down.

There were a couple of tense moments as Abreu had to protect Mazur’s cover and deal with his own C.I. that was going out of his way to cause problems. BUT for all the potential trouble it suggested, nothing really came of it. Once Mazur got to the people he needed to, Abreu was pushed into the background and only brought back for the dismal finale.

And that was the main problem. It was all build up with no pay-off. It spent so long setting everything up and then ended abruptly with some mind-numbing disappointing statistics and bio footnotes in the closing credits. BUT by the end I couldn’t care less.

Diane Kruger did her best as Kathy Ertz; Mazur’s undercover wife. The writer teased a growing closeness between the pair BUT it was never really explored. Some much needed drama that could have added to the strain on Mazur’s real wife. However, it was reduced to an awkward encounter between the two ladies that just didn’t work.

Benjamin Bratt did his best with the role of Roberto Alcaino BUT he delivered more gusto and tenacity as El Macho in Despicable Me 2. The promising cast were wasted. Amy Ryan was reduced to playing a stocky CIA operative. Dull. Gilgun wasn’t in it enough as Dominic. He has come a long way from Emmerdale.

Joshua Reis’ cinematography was great to look at BUT there were only so many badly choreographed flashy neon stripper dances to cracking 80s tunes that could distract me from the monotonous clichéd and generic crime drivel that we’ve seen time and time again.

A movie of mere moments that never really took off. It was a little infuriating to see the Breaking Bad star take another foray into the drug business BUT at the same time if anyone could have made it work, you would have banked on Walter White.

You know you’re onto a loser when the main villain is reduced to a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it walking cameo.

2/5

*NEW* DAD’S ARMY REVIEW *NEW*

This was doomed from the start. PANIC, Mr Mainwaring!

The perfect cast. The wrong script. A real bomb.

The Walmington-on-Sea Home Guard platoon deal with a visiting female journalist (Catherine Zeta-Jones) and a German spy as World War II draws to its conclusion.

Dad’s Army was (and still is) one of the best sitcoms I’ve seen. I was introduced to it (ironically) by my dad and still laugh at the same old scenes and one liners despite knowing every word. It may have been a silly (and dated) show about a bunch of old boys and misfits guarding the cliffs of Dover BUT it was funny.

Not many British sitcoms have fared well making the leap to the big screen and a remake? Well, the less said, the better. When I heard that a remake was on the cards, I was puzzled. Why? Have we really run out of ideas? However, my doubts were relinquished slightly when the cast were revealed. Doubt soon turning to excitement.

BUT that feeling was soon extinguished. Tragically, this failed to stand alone as a homage to the iconic series. The frenetic opening sequence with a couple of MI5 agents chasing a German spy was hardly funny BUT got things going as a piece of important code that “could end the war” landed on the cliffs of Dover with our loveable misfits.

A training exercise to retrieve an escaped bull with the camouflaged covered codgers was hardly laugh out loud BUT it delivered a smile. It was just a shame that there wasn’t enough of those moments.

Toby Jones (Captain America) certainly looked the part and didn’t do a bad effort as Captain Mainwaring. BUT he wasn’t old enough or strong enough. He was far too high pitched and squeaky. It felt like a case of grabbing the smallest oldest British actor they could find. BUT it was always going to be tough to follow in Arthur Lowe’s footsteps.

Daniel Mays (Atonement) played the spivvy Private Walker very well BUT then for anyone whose familiar with his previous roles, this was hardly going to be a stretch. Blake Harrison, on the other hand, was dreadful. On paper, you would have put money on ol’ Neil from the Inbetweeners delivering as simpleton Private Pike. BUT he was highly unfunny and irritating as hell. A running gag involving an obsession with Errol Flynn flicks never got going and failed to deliver one funny quip.

However, plaudits must go to Tom Courtenay (45 Years) and Michael Gambon (Harry Potter). I wasn’t sure what to expect from Courtenay. He was superb and channeled his inner Clive Dunn. He was brilliant. Bumbling and fumbling away. Gambon was delightfully naïve and bashful as Private Godfrey. Standing in Hawaiian gear with a cheesy grin. A curtsy and “a thank you sir” and I was chuckling. I would have been happy to watch these two for the next hour.

However, their absence in the movie left a gaping hole for laughs and gags. What didn’t help was that we had such a dull story line with the gang chasing after Zeta Jones’ flirty journalist.

It was funny at first with every one trying to woo and impress her BUT after half an hour, I was bored. Bill Nighy was disappointing as Sergeant Wilson. There wasn’t enough camaraderie between him and Jones’ Mainwaring. There was too much time spent on him pining for Zeta Jones. Her return to town sparking old feelings.

Sarah Lancashire (Happy Valley) was wasted as Wilson’s love interest. A great actress left moping and whining. Shame. I couldn’t remember if the Women’s Front was tackled in the sitcom and it would have been a fresh angle if they had better material.

Disappointing considering the talent. A great cast consisting of the likes of Alison Steadman (Gavin & Stacey), Annette Crosbie (One Foot in the Grave) and Emily Atak (The Inbetweeners). Felicity Montagu (Alan Partridge) did her best with the terribly OTT Mrs Mainwaring. BUT we already had a bunch of old fellas fumbling and falling about to no avail, we didn’t need any more people doing it. Crosbie and Steadman’s detective solving was the only chuckle I got. The only pair who knew what was going on.

BUT then again, there really wasn’t much. The German spy twist was so dreadfully obvious that I wondered why they even bothered. Mainwaring mispronouncing German words was funny for about 30 seconds BUT died a death quickly.

The beach finale delivered a little of what I had expected from the rest of the film. Silly, stupid and funny. A case of too little, too late with Mainwaring mistaken for Churchill. The gang trying to fight with disastrous results. Bill Paterson (Outlander) only got to shine as Private Fraser in this scene. His inevitable catchphrase didn’t quite have the same gusto as John Laurie. Otherwise he was quite weak.

I really wanted this to work BUT it merely delivered moments. Dud’s Army, I’m afraid. The hammy plot bored me that much that I didn’t even clock Ian Lavender’s cameo. This was doomed from the start.

2/5

*NEW* VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN REVIEW *NEW*

IT’S A DUD! IT’S A DUD!

Well, that’s what I thought I was going to say.

McAvoy and Radcliffe take on the iconic mad scientist duo to mixed results. BUT with good acting and some decent special effects, it delivered enough fun for me not to care too much.

Told from Igor’s (Daniel Radcliffe) perspective, we see the troubled young assistant’s dark origins, his redemptive friendship with the young medical student Viktor Von Frankenstein (James McAvoy), and become eyewitnesses to the emergence of how Frankenstein became the man (and the legend) we know today.

Look, this sort of movie was never going to win plaudits BUT if it had the right level of ridiculousness and enough monsters then I’d be one happy bunny. The first hour was actually quite entertaining and reworked the origin story quite well.

Apart from needing a good haircut, Radcliffe played the hunchback perfectly. We follow the poor chap as we watch him being beaten and downtrodden by his circus chums. Daniel Mays (The Bank Job) was completely wasted in his role as the lecherous leader Barnaby. Shame. It zipped along and once Frankenstein made the fold, I was pleasantly entertained.

James McAvoy was superb. Producing more saliva than creatures. Seriously, he got a little too passionate with some of the dialogue. BUT as soon as he made his introduction, he stole the show. His mad enthusiasm, the dry witticisms and crazy theorizing was brilliant. He really carried the piece when things seem to drag (Which unfortunately they did).

The special effects and props were disgusting. A scene involving the real reason behind Igor’s “hump” was enough to put anyone off their dinner. The creatures and animal body parts were fantastic. Their first subject; a spliced chimpanzee was devilishly creepy and created a few problems along the way.

There wasn’t as much gore nor as many monsters as I had hoped. The woes of a 12A certificate but the writers certainly pushed the mark where they could. The CGI was generally eye catching. Apart from the scene (Ironically) involving moving eyes which was just terrible.

The bromance between McAvoy and Radcliffe really made the pair shine. I was happy to watch them bicker, banter and squabble as the experiments become more ambitious. BUT of course, they had to throw a spanner in the works. A spanner in the form of Downton Abbey’s Jessica Brown-Findlay.

The dull love subplot between Radcliffe and Brown-Findlay was pretty bland. The pair do their best BUT I wasn’t interested in them and neither was the director it seemed as it was skimmed over very quickly. If anything, it wasn’t needed.

She didn’t really turn Igor against Frankenstein or add any humanity to him. You felt for Igor from the moment you saw him abused by the circus. But then again, it was never going to be that sort of film. BUT it tragically slowed down the pace and I could feel my mind wondering as the lifeless luvvy duvvy stuff played out.

Andrew Scott (Sherlock) delivered a memorable supporting turn as the depressing and macabre Inspector Turpin. A man hell bent on bringing Victor to justice before the world and God. His ramblings did go on a bit BUT his theological sparring with McAvoy spiced things up.

He was definitely more memorable than Freddie Fox’s (The Riot Club) Finnegan. He was too weak and flamboyant to be taken seriously. He certainly personified a spoilt rich kid with more money than sense. BUT a maniacal mastermind? I feared Charles Dance (Game of Thrones) more in his small cameo as Frankenstein’s father.

The slow motion Sherlock Holmes (Downey Jr/Ritchie) style fighting was disorienting and slowed down the action too much. The film lost its momentum after the 60 minute marker BUT finally (and thankfully) found it again at the 90 minute marker for a deliciously dark and violent finale.

If anything, the finale was a little too quick cut and rushed. I’m sure the literary critics will be shaking their heads at this rehashing of a classic BUT it had enough action, creepy creatures and humour to keep things watchable. The effects on the Creature looked so real. He looked like Martin Skrtel on steroids with a few bolts here and there. Any more violent and they could have kissed that 12A rating good bye. Maybe they should have.

Radcliffe and McAvoy were a dream team. The effects were great. They did just enough to wade through the stocky subplots and overlong pace to make it a watchable little creature feature.

3/5 (Just)