*NEW* BAD NEIGHBOURS 2: SORORITY RISING REVIEW *NEW*

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“We’ve been Cosby’d!”

Bad. Just bad!

When their new next-door neighbours turn out to be a sorority even more debaucherous than the fraternity previously living there, Mac (Seth Rogen) and Kelly (Rose Byrne) team up with their former enemy, Teddy (Zac Efron) to bring the girls down.

Pretty much the exact same thing (just with a sorority) BUT a lot less funnier! Yikes.

I was surprised that a sequel was even green lit in the first place?! The first outing was watchable (At best) and delivered the odd laugh BUT it wasn’t that great.

As you could tell, I was a little skeptical before watching and the opening 20 minutes was actually quite funny and, for a moment, I wondered why people had torn into this? It was never going to win plaudits BUT it was silly college humour with all the old faces coming back.

However, it wasn’t long before my smile became a scowl as we drudged through the same old guff. You could relate to Shelby (A reasonable turn from Chloe Grace Moretz) and co as they conspire against the traditional sorority system. Creating their own society where anybody can join and do what they want.

Cue some silly spiel about sororities not being able to host parties (Google it! No, I didn’t either), a perfect property on the market, some crazy neighbours and we have . . . a dreadfully mediocre comedy.

Zac Efron didn’t do too badly and delivered the (little) laughs. Flashing his ridiculous six pack at any chance and not giving a fook.

It was great to see the old frat pack pop back up in this. Just a shame that it came with a silly subplot. As well as having to deal with the same old frustrations of not achieving any life goals, Teddy must come to terms with Pete’s (Dave Franco) “coming out” and impending marriage.

Look, I hate to be a stickler BUT didn’t Pete sleep with Teddy’s girlfriend in the first film as part of Mac and Kelly’s revenge ploy? Either way, his big gay wedding didn’t work and was lazy and unnecessary. You could understand Teddy’s childishness and refusal to grow up BUT we had all that in the first one.

Ike Barinholtz (Suicide Squad) was funny yet again as Mac’s retarded pal Jimmy. He stole the show every time. The only problem was that once he was united with Paula (Carla Gallo – Bones), he soon got on my nerves.

Her unfunny introduction wasn’t needed and brought nothing to the mix other than dropping a disgusting gag involving a baby foetus foot (Yep, you read that right).

Speaking of bad gags, the airbag gag died a death in the first movie. Bringing it back for a second time? Really? Come on! Cue another badly CGI’d Efron/Rogen flailing about in a car garage. Terrible.

Kelsey Grammer was great in his tragically short cameo as Shelby’s dad. Dr Crane knows how to get the laughs. Even Phoebe from Friends (Lisa Kudrow) got a titter with her “blink-and-you’ll-miss-it” appearance.

BUT things must have been getting desperate as I was actually pleading for Hannibal Buress (Daddy’s Home). I couldn’t stand him in the first film. He wasn’t funny and overstayed his welcome. This time around, I wanted more. The role reversal with the black police officers seizing white drug dealers was an unexpected satirical dig that delivered.

And if I’m not mistaken, I’m sure there was supposed to be more of him from the trailers. Well, none of it featured in the actual film.

Rogen and Byrne weren’t really in it as much as I thought. BUT don’t worry. They haven’t changed one bit (No, really. They do the exact same thing). It was a nice touch having the same child actors playing the adorable Stella. I couldn’t believe how much they had grown up in 2 years.

The sorority delivered a somewhat mixed response. Kiersey Clemons (Dope) and Beanie Feldstein were actually quite funny BUT I just wish the pranks were.

The girls dressing up as Minions and fumbling about like their Dreamwork counterparts? AWFUL! Making bold statements about sexism when performing an equally revolting gag compared to a fraternity doing the same thing? Surprisingly entertaining.

Prank calling Mac so he flies over to Sydney looking for his wife?

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It really was miss more than hit with a finale that was a complete retread of the first. The drug and sex gags just didn’t cut it. I mean they only just got away with it the last time! And it ended so cornily that . . . I lost the brain cells to think of a clever insult.

BUT I’m sure it would have been better than this bilge. Hopefully there won’t be another.

2/5

*NEW* THE 5TH WAVE REVIEW *NEW*

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Corny, dull, laughable. Another Hunger Games inspired mess floods the silver screen.

Four waves of increasingly deadly alien attacks have left most of Earth decimated. Cassie (Chloe Grace Moretz) is on the run, desperately trying to save her younger brother (Zackary Arthur).

The premise seemed a little hokey BUT with Hit Girl at the helm, I thought this could be watchable. Oh how wrong I was. The first half hour wasn’t too bad and zipped along and after a strong and tense opener, my hopes were still quite high. BUT it just went downhill from there.

The quick cliched set up through flashbacks did the job. The inevitable high school guff was a little dull BUT was quickly skimmed through. Thankfully. Watching Chloe loving life, soccer and boys. Awww. Yuck. That was until the end of the world.

The four waves of attack were quite frantic and pacey. The CGI wasn’t too bad either as tsunamis consumed cities and the aliens made their tacky Independence Day introduction. The virus outbreak through strains of bird flu was an interesting prospect that was breezed over. Things looked to pick up when the aliens began to control the remaining survivors. Looked being the primary word.

Moretz did the best with her role BUT the cliched high school girl spiel can only be done so many times. She may have got away with it in If I Stay BUT it didn’t work this time around. Her droll diary entries put me into a mild coma.

Ron Livingston (Office Space) and Maggie Siff (Sons of Anarchy) were wasted as Chloe’s parents. They did their best BUT anyone could have played them. It didn’t help after all the promise of alien attacks, we were subjected to a mindless romance subplot that went nowhere.

Alex Roe played the charismatic stranger Evan Walker well. BUT the inevitable blossoming romance was nauseating. I was bored. I wasn’t interested. It might have worked better if it wasn’t so corny or laughable. The endless staring and cheesy exchanges was too much. A scene in which Evan is cleansing himself in the lake with his shirt off was hysterical. Come on.

I was more intrigued with the idea of kids being recruited as soldiers to fight off the enemy. A daunting prospect with children being the only ones able to detect who are being controlled by the aliens. It wasn’t explored enough or used to its full potential.

A shame considering Maria Bello (Coyote Ugly) and Liev Schreiber (Ray Donovan) were the leading authorities. Bello made a more memorable impression as the sinister sergeant than Schreiber. He was reduced to standing in a command centre and looking menacing. The guy can act. Let him. Dreadful.

Instead we had another dull subplot with Chloe’s high school flame Ben or Zombie (Nick Robinson – Jurassic World) endure military training. Robinson was a likeable lead BUT the cliched military montages and his clashes with Maika Monroe’s (It Follows) bratty army reject just slowed this piece down to a snail’s pace.

The twists, if you could call them that, were terrible. You could see them coming a mile off. This felt like another regurgitation of Hunger Games and Divergent with much weaker results. I couldn’t understand why this received a 15 rating. It wasn’t that violent or dark enough.

We know that Moretz can play a strong female lead. So why did we have a whiny, pining teenage girl? She only really got to step up in the final 20 minutes as she attempted to rescue her brother. A case of too little, too late for me. Rushing for a frantic finale that left everything open.

For those familiar with Rick Yancey’s novel, you already know that there’s more to come. BUT if the next offering is going to be anything like this feeble effort, then the plans for a franchise might be end quicker than the aliens’ plans for Earth.

And I thought The Host was a chore. An adaptation that earned no sequels. The endless teen bestseller adaptations is getting silly. Retreading and replicating the same old spiel. Give us something different. Original if possible.

Weak characters, a laughable story and a cliched premise makes this one to forget.

2/5

SAY WHEN REVIEW

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WHEN! WHEN! WHEN!

When . . . will they stop churning films out like these?

A little harsh but oh so disappointing. (NOT Kevin Sorbo Hercules DISAPPOINTED!)

Keira Knightley certainly does her best but even with a decent supporting cast; you can’t help but feel that the film doesn’t deliver enough romance, enough comedy and enough of . . . anything really.

So what’s it all about? In the throes of a quarter-life (What?) crisis, Megan (Knightley) panics when her boyfriend (Mark Webber) proposes, then taking an opportunity to escape for a week, hides out in the home of her new friend, 16-year-old Annika (Chloe Grace Moretz), who lives with her world-weary single dad (Sam Rockwell).

Knightley has already proven with Begin Again that she can deliver an American accent and handle a leading role with no qualms. She certainly delivers another solid performance which helps carry this lacklustre affair.

We start with the inevitable cheesy (and nauseating shaky hand held camera) montage of Knightley and her teenage friends having fun during their prom. A little unnecessary and overlong. That then skips to the present with Megan’s slacker plodding along through life. Flipping signs for her father’s business and constantly making up excuses as to why she hasn’t seen her career councillor.

A character I could relate to a little too easily. Her procrastination and immaturity becoming a bug bear for all who know her (Not that bit . . . I hope).

Ellie Kemper (Sex Tape) was probably the only high school friend who had any decent dialogue or actual substance. Constantly trying to control and push Megan to sort her life out. The sort of friend that we all have or (if you’re lucky) used to.

Her cringe-inducing wedding dance made for unsettling but laughable viewing. I’m never going to listen to Daniel Bedingfield’s “If You’re Not The One” in the same way again. But then again, I never liked that song. But that’s a different story.

The wedding was the perfect platform for Megan to hit breaking point. There was one unexpected revelation that I didn’t see coming which made for a surprise. The inevitable friends growing up and moving on spiel is playing to its heart content. Weddings, babies, etc. The usual guff.

However, it is at this moment that Webber’s Anthony (Scott Pilgrim vs. The World) decides to pop the question to Megan. Her response? She runs away while pretending to be on a life changing seminar, of course!

Taking some time to re-think all her decisions and frustrations, Megan seeks refuge in 16 year old Annika’s home. Moretz doesn’t do a bad job but her character is a little weak, in comparison to the number of meatier and more memorable roles she has delivered.

Once Megan meets Annika’s dad, the legend that is Sam Rockwell. Moretz seems to be pushed into the background. Only to pop back up when the story is lagging. Her subplot involving a crush on one of her high school friends was all too tame and horribly cliched.

Sam Rockwell was . . . pretty much being Sam Rockwell. Which just about works this time round. To be honest, his role was a lot smaller than I expected. He’s instantly likeable and very entertaining. He works well with Knightley and they have great chemistry. He also delivers some funny lines and a couple of (definite) improvised moments. You could tell the cast were trying not to laugh.

I was frustrated that Megan and Craig had to fall in love with each other. It felt forced. We know Megan was unhappy with Anthony but he wasn’t a complete tool. It just seemed unnecessary. It would have been more of a twist if they didn’t get together. The friendship would have worked better. Don’t get me wrong, K & R do just enough to pull it off . . . and make it bearable.

I was hoping for more of an examination of Megan’s quarter-life crisis, as a lot more people in their 20s are going through this sort of thing, but it’s all resolved a little too easily and with a simple and lazy fling? Run out of ideas, maybe?

The gags are sparse and not very funny. One involving an anorexic tortoise just came off hammy and rather pointless. I mean come on! What was the point of it? A bonding prop for Knightley and Rockwell? And the naming a baby after planets gag wasn’t funny from the first planet. We didn’t need the entire solar system named at us!

In terms of drama, there were some good moments. An awkward encounter between CGM and (the alluring) Gretchen Mol’s (Boardwalk Empire) negligent mother showed promise and allowed Knightley’s Megan to step up but a few sobering words and that’s it? Really? Anyone could have played Mol’s character and to be honest, thinking back the whole scene was a little pointless as she doesn’t make a reappearance.

There was a turning point nearer the end of the film that allowed the little drama that there was to finally kick off. BUT again it’s all swept under the rug and resolved d far too easily. Leaving us with a cliched and highly predictable ending. Flat and expected.

There were some good performances from the rather bland characters. I couldn’t believe Jeff Garlin from Curb Your Enthusiasm was in this. It didn’t seem right without him shouting all the time. He didn’t do too bad a job.

Kaitlyn Dever (Justified) was quite funny and did well as Annika’s mad BFF. Webber played the dimwitted Anthony well. A change from Pilgrim. Completely oblivious to Megan’s feelings but not fully deserving of her frustrated temper.

There was certainly no issue with the pace. It zipped along well enough. I just wish it had a bit going on, that’s all.

Such a shame that it’s not as hard hitting or as offbeat as you wish. A mess but a watchable one. Say When? When you have the spare time and nothing better to watch, I’d say give it a go. They may have changed the title to Laggies but I just wish they could have changed the content instead.

2/5

THE EQUALIZER REVIEW

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Denzel + Hit Girl = a dull long winded action flick. Redeemed by a few moments of carnage.

The Equalizer or Man on Fire 2 (if Creasy chose retirement and decided to work in a DIY store) proved one thing. That Denzel Washington is still very much the man.

He provides yet another powerhouse performance proving why he is one of the best actors going. But I fear he may have taken too much on with this one.  Normally you can bank on Washington to carry films that (on paper) may be a little lacklustre but this really did test me.

Washington’s presence certainly makes this just about watchable but it’s still a disappointing mess reprieved by two good performances and some moments of mayhem.

An agonizing coma-inducing opening did not help matters. We get an idea of Washington’s life in a few shots that should have taken up a couple of minutes not twenty. It meandered along as Washington keeps up appearances blending in and trying to maintain a peaceful (and incredibly boring) life.

It was incredibly clichéd and predictable as Washington banters with the staff. That and a tedious subplot in which he helps his best friend Ralphie (Johnny Skourtis) train for his security guard exam. However, his little improvised dance routine is one I will be busting out the next time I hit the town.

Chloe Grace Moretz (Kick Ass) and Washington worked well together. You felt for her character instantly but the constant café meetings to build up a relationship that was clearly established just further slackened things.

I was waiting for the inevitable incident that would activate Washington to take action. An incident that would put Moretz out of action until the closing minutes when she pops back up as a mere afterthought. It’s surprising to see how grown up she has become but anyone could have played her. Anyhoo . . . By the 45 minute marker. FINALLY things got a little bit more interesting with Washington cracking skulls, taking names and dispensing B-movie one liners.

To be honest, every time he glared and tortured someone, I saw Creasy. The frenetic fist-fighting was a feast for any action junkie. The only problem is that the disposing of unmemorable henchmen was dealt with too quickly.

One niggle that irritated me through this. The Equalizer’s thing was his timing. In one particular scene, he threatens to dispose of the East (Or West. Not relevant) Coast Russian mafia in 16 seconds. Washington does his business in a bloody and incredibly violent fashion. BUT in . . . 30 seconds?

This happens constantly. He says 90 seconds to one person and takes five minutes instead. Is Washington getting too old for this shit? I may not have seen the famous TV series starring Edward Woodward (The Wicker Man) but messing up one of his hallmarks does not bode well.

The final 20 minutes made up for a film that desperately wanted to be cooler than it was. The DIY Die Hard sequence offered everything I expected throughout the film . . . NOT just for the ending. I am happy to wait for the violence and destruction.

BUT only if there is enough story or something going on that’s worth filling in that time. 132 minutes is far too long. The action that was delivered was fast and furious. Washington can most definitely still play the hardened action movie veteran.

Antoine Fuqua may have reunited with Washington for their second outing but Training Day, this ain’t. All the other supporting characters were so unmemorable and clichéd that it frustrated me. All except for Marton Csokas (XXX)

He was absolutely brilliant. A worthy adversary to Washington’s peace-keeping protagonist. His lines may have been hammy in parts but Csokas’ expressions and dead pan delivery made him a villain to remember. His presence in every scene created tension and suspense. Something that was much needed.

After commending David Arbour (End of Watch) for his performance in A Walk Among The Tombstones, I found his character in this very dull, passive and generally unnecessary. David Meunier (Justified) made a more memorable turn in just one scene.

I was annoyed that we barely scraped the surface of McCall (Washington)’s past and the only taster we get is a boring encounter with Melissa Leo telling us what we already knew. And Bill Pullman? Remember him? President of America in Independence Day (Or the dad in Casper). A mere chess playing cameo? Terrible.

Washington makes it rain with quality acting, charisma and some fist-fighting, blood curdling violence. Csokas offers a villain that makes up for the lumbering pace. However, all it made me want to do is watch Man on Fire.

It got there in the end but boy, oh boy. If the credits suggested another one in the pipeline, get a better storyline. Or least some more action. Give it a go but me . . . I’m going to get Man on Fire out of the DVD cupboard.

2.5/5 for me.

IF I STAY REVIEW

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I should have stayed at home is . . . what I thought I would be saying after watching this. But surprisingly this . . . uh . . . surprised me.

The corny coma chick flick meets the cantankerous cynic of a critic and for all my griping (which there may be a smidgeon), there is still beneath its cheesy surface; an easygoing and brilliantly acted drama. I can feel the man points dropping off but here we go.

So what’s it all about? Life changes in an instant for young Mia Hall (Chloe Grace Moretz) after a car accident puts her in a coma. During an out-of-body experience, she must decide whether to wake up and live a life far different than she had imagined.

From the trailers and weepy teenage girls with their tissue boxes at the ready, I feared an incredibly schmaltzy, corny OTT teen love story. To an extent, it is. But I was proven wrong before with The Fault In Our Stars. Chloe Grace Moretz has matured from Hit Girl and impresses yet again, proving that she can handle the lead role.

The cast are perfectly chosen. Mirielle Enos (The Killing USA) and Joshua Leonard (Men Of Honor) play the hard rock junkie super cool parents fantastically to Moretz’s inevitably stuffy, uptight cello playing Mia. That is until she meets Jamie Blackley (Snow White and the Huntsman)’s charismatic Adam and the rest is . . . the movie of love, loss and classical music.

Blackley and Moretz have fantastic chemistry together and they really do make the characters stand out. I actually found myself caring for the little love birds not praying for their demise. Of course, they go through the ups and downs; the why me when you’re so cool and I’m so geeky spiel. The tests of college and flying the coop. Check, check, check. That is until the accident. That happens early on and the story flashes back and forth.

To be honest, the coma angle of the story didn’t really do much for me. The flicking back and forth just disrupted what was an easy going and watchable boy meets girl love story. It was just CGM wandering around aimlessly bar a few twists (which were ruined in the trailers). The last 15 minutes or so in which CGM finally stands still and listens to her friends and family as they prepare themselves for the worst case scenario, finally justifies itself by allowing for some endearing scenes (and yes everyone was crying. Apart from me, obviously).

Without spoiling too much, I couldn’t help but question the relevance of Aisha Hinds’ (Under the Dome) Nurse Ramirez preaching motivational speeches to a comatose patient. Ridiculously corny. Plus was she a spirit? As no one seemed to be paying attention to her too. Pointless in my opinion. Liano Liberto plays Mia’s best friend well and Stacey Keach delivers an emotionally sobering performance as Mia’s grief stricken grandfather.

The cello playing by whoever was CGM’s stand in was impeccable and the amount of classical music that was played in this. Unexpected but brilliant. Made a change to the usual indie/pop/teen soundtrack these films are normally flogging. The ending is a bit abrupt. It’s all built up and ponders the question which the film heavily suggests and then just ends.

The problem with these sort of coma pics; there are only ever two outcomes which makes it all a little predictable without divulging too much.

I was surprised at how quick this film disappeared from my cinema. It’s not without its imperfections but I have seen a lot worse. If it is still lingering around, give it a go. It won’t win merits for originality but cheesy, easy going, watchable guff all the same.

2.5/5 for me (might change it to a 3) depending on the next influx of weepies which there inevitably will be.

CARRIE REVIEW

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Films cannot Carrie on like this. Yeah time for some bad punnery!

Random reactions through out the film – Why is Julianne Moore banging her head like Dobby from Harry Potter? All that’s missing is a . . . Oh nope there it is . . . putting her in a cupboard under the stairs. This remake is just a demented Hermione if she didn’t go to Hogwarts and her mother was a bible preaching loony. She just punched her with the Bible. Dayum!

Chloe Grace Moretz is quite pretty. Wait, how old? 16? Moving on . . . Bit uncomfortable watching this shower scene with four dudes, feel dirty. What is the deal with the gym teacher? Is she grooming the students? Please tell she is not walking around with that on her shorts. Oh, she is. Yikes. Blasted CGI. Did Carrie just do a Hulk Smash?!

Evacuating the cinema – Verdict: (Shakes head and shrugs) Watchable at best.  Played parts well. But the CGI? Really?! Original way, way better than this!

Best line of the film: “I can see your dirty pillows!”

What’s it about san? Carrie White (Chloe Grace Moretz) is the high school weird girl, tormented by her classmates and psychologically abused by her Bible-bashing mother (Julianne Moore). And then she discovers her telekinetic powers and so it begins . . .

What do you think bruv? Firstly, I wasn’t happy to hear a remake had been done. I didn’t feel the original had lost any of it’s suspense and horror, apart from the 70s garb. However, I felt slightly relieved in hearing Moretz and Moore were the lead protagonists. After a creepy opening sequence, it seemed promising. Moretz and Moore played the parts perfectly and a lot of the crucial plot points were covered. However, this film raises that unfortunate question, if Carrie was made now, what would you expect it to be like?

And this delivers my expectation. Cliched characters regurgitating covered ground with an over-indulgence on CGI. The gory finale was watchable, if utterly ridiculous. The original was simple, basic, and created more tension. It was Spacek’s stare that freaked me out more than the attack. You were awaiting her fate and feared what she would do. You genuinely wanted to know where the film was going.

To keep the attention of younger film-goers, Carrie deals with her telekinesis very early on and the film zips along, rushing to the finale, afraid to let the film linger and built suspense. It seems that you’re just looking at your watch waiting for the finale to appear. Portia Doubleday played the bitchy high school bully brilliantly, whilst Gabriella Wilde’s Sue Snell character is so passive, that if it was not for her “act of generosity” in allowing Carrie to go to the prom with her boyfriend, she would have been completely irrelevant.

Moretz brings dimension and sympathy to her character and the bullying shower scene is dealt with well. Judy Greer’s gym teacher is fantastic, to start with, being the mother figure that Carrie desperately craves.

However, as the film progresses, it skims across points more and more and the finale is mental. The CGI killed all suspense and I could hardly call this a horror, more a gory thriller to an extent. People being whipped with electrical wires, Carrie floating around and her Hulk like concrete stomping. There were a couple of inventive gory death scenes.

However, despite the best efforts of a great cast, the story borders on self-parody, especially with Julianne Moore’s brilliantly creepy, if hilariously mental, mother’s punishment of Carrie White. Greer turns into a sassy teacher that grooms her students and flirts with the younger teenage lads. It seems to throw the plot out of the window for an-all out frenzy!

Carrie (2013) exemplifies that film production companies need to stop remaking films that were, and still are, good. Okay, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo remake is the exception! Why not remake something that was shit to begin with? Why remake Robocop and Spiderman? Talks of a Lethal Weapon remake are still circulating.

Hardly the worst film of the year. Doesn’t completely soil the original but doesn’t help it. Scary? Hell no. Weird. Not bad, quite creepy. Suspenseful. Nope. Bordering on Scary Movie territory? Tragically, almost. For lovers of the original, avoid but for those who haven’t and love gore, worth a watch. I can’t Carrie on watching films like this 2.5/5

Currently ranks #143 out of 178!